We're getting a jump on the pre-production film by presenting ...
Sweeney Todd: The Movie
As Directed by Woody Allen [go with your strengths, I say - Anthony]
Sweeney Todd (Played by Woody): Locked up in a gentile penal colony for a decade. Oy. Have you tried getting a decent latka in Australia?
Mrs. Lovett (Played by Diane Keaton, of course): I'm so confused. I like you, but making money by killing people is so... so Jewish...
Sweeney: So Jewish? Are you kidding? What, did all of London join the Nazis while I was out?
Mrs. Lovett: Look, have a ham pie while I try to straighten out my very WASP feelings for you.
Sweeney: Who was this pie made from, Tab Hunter?
Lovett: Actually, my rival from down the bake shop down the street, Mrs Mooney.
Sweeney: Mooney, huh? Don't like the Irish? I think, any people who do what they do to corned beef have enough tribulations.
Lovett: I know! We'll just make pies from people who talk during movies at the Thalia and say nice things about Los Angeles.
Sweeney: Wow. I thought shiksas were only dangerous during divorce proceedings!
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