[Diehard Tolkien fans continually lament the fact that, both
times the trilogy was brought to the screen, the Bombadil scene was
left out. What's the Bombadil scene? Early on in the book Fellowship of
the Ring, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are rescued by Tom Bombadil,
an eccentric character with yellow boots and mystical powers. Bombadil
shelters the hobbits in his home and introduces them to his girlfriend,
the beautiful Goldberry, Daughter of the River.
Though not crucial to the plot - nearly unwarranted, come to
think of it - the Bombadil chapters do advance the reader's overall
knowledge of the Middle Earth pantheon. And who's not in favor of that?
Anyway, being a reasonable facsimile of diehard Tolkien fans, we
hereby present the long-neglected Bombadil scene, as it might be
conceived by some of our favorite movie directors.]
THE BOMBADIL SCENE, by Merchant-Ivory
[A very proper looking forest. Strains of Mozart or Elgar in the background. Four hobbits walk into frame, all dressed very discreetly.]
Frodo: What a jolly nice forest.
Sam: Yes, so very much like Manchester in spring.
Merry: Yet ... [moment of deep introspection] Somethig not quite ... not quite ...
Pippin: Indeed. I know the feeling. Rather like London in '47.
Merry: Or '48. That was bad as well.
Pippin: Quite.
[They walk on for awhile.]
Frodo: Somehow, chaps, there is a feeling going around that we shouldn't be here, that it's been bad for ages and we've been ...
Sam: Ignoring the problem?
Frodo: There is no problem. Just a feeling.
Pippin: Those can be important.
[They stop for high tea. As they are eating cucumber sandwiches, unspoken personal tension builds between them. Then, a tree branch entraps them in a leisurely manner.]
Frodo: I say.
Sam: Indeed.
Merry: I've always loved you.
Pippin: Do be sensible, dear boy.
[Tom Bombadil strolls out of the forest. He has a few quiet but authoritarian words with the tree and it lets go. The hobbits straighten up and dust their clothing off.]
Sam: Most disagreeable.
Frodo: Still, not as bad as Birmingham in '39.
Sam: Indeed. Nice day for a stroll to Bree.
Pippin: Dear boy, I couldn't hear a word you said back there.
Merry: Indeed. [Shoots himself out of long-denied love.]
- Anthony
Do you know me?
Stumble it!
