Lawyers and other vampires

What if Anne Rice's famous characters in Interview With a Vampire got TV exposure?

Pt. 3: Night Court

[Scene: a Manhattan arrainment courtroom]

Public Defender Louis: [seated, speaking morosely to someone off-camera] … and that, most fateful of evenings, was the last time I ever saw the sun. But enough about me. When did YOU become a vampire?

D.A. Dan Fielding: Baby, the day after I passed the Bar!

Bull: Order in the court. All rise. The Honorable Judge LeStat, presiding.

LeStat: [bounding into the courtroom] Thank you, thank you! Be seated. May we have the first contestant?

Dan: [consulting a file] Your Honor, Mr. Santiago here is charged with littering.

LeStat: Ah, welcome back, Santiago. How many times have you been in my court for um, "littering"?

Santiago: [sneering evilly] Four times, LeStat. But the last time should not count because –

Louis: [startled] Santiago!? But I decapitated you, you monster!

Santiago: -- because I suddenly lost my head.

LeStat: Oh yes, that's right. Public Defender Louis, how does your client plead?

Louis: He is NOT my client! He killed the only person dear to me! He deserves ... to die ... er, again??

Dan: Technically, Your Honor, littering is just a misdemeanor, and I have too much paperwork as it is.

LeStat: Very well. Fifty dollar fine and time served. And please don't "litter" in my precinct anymore, Santiago. [Bangs gavel.] Next?

Louis: LeStat! I protest!

LeStat: Louis, we’ve got to make this evening march. I have the famous Mel Torme waiting in chambers and I’m longing to have a bite of - er, I mean, with him.