What if Anne Rice's famous characters in Interview With a Vampire got TV exposure?
Pt. 4: X-Files (of course!)
[Setting: Agent Fox Mulder's windowless, moldering office in the basement of the FBI building]
Mulder [Louis]: Scully, I know you're a dedicated FBI agent and all, but haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to be immortal, even at the price of perpetual evil ... and an extreme change in dietary habits?
Scully: Mulder, I'm just wondering why I haven't seen you during the day for the last few years. And why you look so pale. And why you've suddenly decided to hang around that sociopathic hitman, Alex Krycek.
Krycek [Lestat] [entering office]: Because Mulder and I have entered into an unnatural relationship, Agent Scully. We are doomed to walk the earth in never-ending night, and to feast on the very essence of the sun-worshipping world around us.
Mulder: No, no! This "change", as you call it, is merely another manifestation of the Con's attempt to colonize this planet, albeit with a new human/alien hybrid - the vampire. You've been taken in, Krycek. I must tell you this, even though I do love you and hate you simultaneously.
Scully: Oh God, you've been watching your DVD of Brokeback Mountain again. [Humorous Mark Snow synth sting]
Assistant Director Skinner [Marius] [entering office]: Mulder, why is Agent Scully still breathing? Why haven't you either tasted her sweet, sweet red essence, or brought her over to revel in the pleasures of the Dark Path for all the future nights?
Scully: That's it! I've heard enough! [pulling a cross and some holy water from her handbag] Back off, all of you. I will use this. I may not "believe", but I have seen, Mulder, and I know there's a perfectly reasonable scientific explanation for all of you. [She runs from the room.]
Skinner: After her, Agent Mulder!
Mulder: I feel so guilty. I need to feed yet I feel so terrible about it.
Krycek [to Skinner]: Can't we just lock him in a coffin or something?
Stumble it!
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