beancounter parodies

Let's go down the Lone Gunman

One of our favorite shows has always been The X-Files. We've argued over its finer points on conspiracies, human-alien hybrids, and sheriffs who turn into werewolves for years. Even in its new life of perpetual syndication, it calls to us late at night, daring us to solve the riddle of writer Chris Carter's convoluted vision.

But our favorite characters, The Lone Gunmen, truly needed a theme song worthy of them, so Anthony wrote one. Here it is, sung to the tune of Don Henley's "Sunset Grill". 

Let's go down the Lone Gunman
And watch the Cancer Man go by
Watch the alien hybrids oozing greeenish drizzle
Stare up as the ships fly high

There's a trio who found the secrets
To them they're all the same
Knows that the Con is all to blame

Down at the Lone Gunman
Down at the Lone Gunman

You see a lot more weirdness on 'The X-Files'
The kind that eats them up alive
Hard to get away with anything that looks like evidence
Hard to keep Skinner on their side

These days the Con leads them onward
And they're spinning in one place
Not even one genetic trace

Down at the Lone Gunman
Down at the Lone Gunman

Detectable aliens rarely stay
They get less detectable everyday
Dont worry Fox, the truth's out there
And someday soon
We're gonna hack the right files and reveal it all --

[Solos, weird noises]

Lets go down to the Lone Gunman
Watch the Cancer Man go by
Watch the alien hybrids oozing greenish dribble
Stare up as the ships fly high

And maybe they'll get their own series
Meanwhile, here's another year
What is Chris Carter trying to say here anyways?
Besides, Robert Patrick's here

Down at the Lone Gunman ...

HP7 predictions

It's never too soon to predict secondary plotlines for the seventh Harry Potter book! Feel free to join in below.

* With the death of the giant spider, Aragog, the forest’s climate of malevolence actually lightens considerably. Hagrid submits a request to downgrade the forest’s condition from “Forbidden”; Headmaster McGonagill denies the request, on the grounds that "Imprudent Forest" doesn't have the same ring to it.

* A tragedy at Hogwarts. After the adventure with the Sorcerer's Stone many years ago, everybody forgot about Fluffy, the giant three-headed guard dog in the third-floor corridor. Poor Fluffy, it turns out, died of starvation several weeks after the incident. An official day of mourning is declared for the poor creature, but the all-school memorial service is cut short when Fluffy’s ghost leaps out of the coffin and kills Mrs. Norris the cat. From that time on, the third-floor corridor is permanently sealed off.