HP7 predictions

It's never too soon to predict secondary plotlines for the seventh Harry Potter book! Feel free to join in below.

* With the death of the giant spider, Aragog, the forest’s climate of malevolence actually lightens considerably. Hagrid submits a request to downgrade the forest’s condition from “Forbidden”; Headmaster McGonagill denies the request, on the grounds that "Imprudent Forest" doesn't have the same ring to it.

* A tragedy at Hogwarts. After the adventure with the Sorcerer's Stone many years ago, everybody forgot about Fluffy, the giant three-headed guard dog in the third-floor corridor. Poor Fluffy, it turns out, died of starvation several weeks after the incident. An official day of mourning is declared for the poor creature, but the all-school memorial service is cut short when Fluffy’s ghost leaps out of the coffin and kills Mrs. Norris the cat. From that time on, the third-floor corridor is permanently sealed off.

* From the grave, Dumbledore charms every Dumbledore chocolate frog card in existence to make them talk. For several weeks, his cards are all the rage, until it's realized they never shut up. Still, seventh-year students are constantly caught trying to smuggle these cards into their N.E.W.T. exams.

* Dobby and Kreacher retire to a countryside farm to raise nifflers, but are tragically lynched by an angry mob of centaurs.

* Firenze and Professor Trelawney overome their differences, wed, and adopt a bunch of orphaned thestrals and burros.

* Oliver Wood is the first Quidditch player to come out of the closet, igniting a scandal which will reveal the darkly phobic nature of professional British magical sports.

* The Patel Sisters graduate from Hogwarts, move to India and become major film directors in Bollywood. They receive critical acclaim for the astonishing realism of the magical effects in their movies.

* Minister Scrimgeor, undiscouraged by Harry Potter's rebuffs, consults Harry almost daily by owl. At first, he sticks to Voldemort-related matters. Later the owls begin to carry pictures of Scrimgeor wearing ladies undergarments and attending gladiator tournaments. The situation degenerates from there.