The movie Titanic, if it had been directed by Ivan Reitman (Stripes) ...
ROSE: Jack! Look! The ship has struck a giant iceberg!
JACK [played by Bill Murray]: WHOA-OA-OA-OA! Now that is ONE -- BIG -- ICE CUBE!
ROSE: Hurry! We have to get to lifeboats!
JACK: Y'know, I have seen some pretty large cocktails in my day, but you'd have to mix an old-fashioned in the RED SEA to fit THIS cube!
ROSE: Jack, hurry!
MR. ANDREWS [played by Dan Ackroyd]: Get to the lifeboats, both of you! This sucker is going down faster than a two-bit hooker from Altoona!
ROSE: Huh?
JACK: Boy! Somebody in the Arctic must've let off a BIG SNEEZE!
ROSE: Jack, now the ship has completely sunk! We're going to die!
JACK: And no wonder! Did you get a load of the SIZE OF THAT DEBBIE? We're talkin' Texas here! SOMEbody -- up THERE -- does NOT -- like US! Whoa!
ROSE: Oh, for goodness' sake! [Drowns testily.]
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