beancounter parodies: The Prisoner in Mayberry

Sweetie darling, I bet you didn't know I kept this exchange all this time...

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The Prisoner in Mayberry
January 16, 2003

Anthony: DO you think that all of Mayberry was one giant interbred family? Goober and Ernest T. Bass were certainly suspicious!!!

Pam: If Mayberry were a giant insane asylum, you could argue that Andy, being the smartest one in town, was actually set in place as a guard disguised as one of their own. The people of Mayberry had somehow recognized his abilities to the extent that they condoned his place as sheriff (keeper of justice, which is an important concept that separates us from the lower orders). But his intelligence is tested weekly by the parade of fools that he has to contend with, and the tangle of misdeeds he has to unknot. Who could forget the episode where state authorities come in to investigate an accusation of wrongdoing? They question the keeper's unorthodox practices of letting the drunk help himself to the jail cell, and letting Barney Fife keep one bullet in his pocket. When the investigation turned up a series of unfortunate accidents instead of malfeasance, the authorities allow Andy to resume his guard duties.

Imagine the "lost episode" where Andy teaches an on-site seminar to newly recruited guards. Hilarity ensues when Goober mistakes a female guard for his pen-pal girlfriend from Altoona!

Anthony: What if Mayberry were the secret “Village” that Patrick McGoohan's character in The Prisoner was sent to? Can you imagine the testy, urbane McGoohan up against the folksy-but-diabolical "Sheriff Andy"?

"I am not a number, I am a free man."

"Well, Opie, you see what kind of oddballs wander in from the outside if you're not careful?"

"Yeah pawr."

Pam: Very!

Prisoner: You must know a way out of this prison!

Goober: This here ain't no prison. Mebbe you need glasses! This here's Mayberry! [canned laughter]

Prisoner: Very well then! How do I get out of this … Mayberry?

Goober: Oh! That's different! Now, you take this-here road, go straight through to Ma's Kettle Korner, an’ ya turn where you see the elm tree ... then, er ...

Earl: No, no, no. You turn at the ol' dog-leg road ...

Goober: I was just going to say that! Now, when you get to the pasture where ol’ Farmer Murdoch used to keep his cow ...

Earl: Why, did Murdoch finally sell ol' Bessie?

Goober: Shore did! Heard about it downit the general store t'other day, when I seed Mrs. Murdoch buyin some dress goods. An’ she tol' me ...

Prisoner: For the Love of God! Would you please just answer my question!?

Earl: Hol' on, hol' on, young man, where's the far? [laugh]

Anthony: Prisoner: "You can't fool me. This is a diabolical attempt to drive me insane by cross-breeding a Kafka-like enigmatic allegory of purposeless activity with an American bucolic fantasy. Take me to Number One!"

Aunt Bea: "Would you like some pie?”

Prisoner: (Screams in mortal torture.)

Aunt Bea: "Well." (Gives slices to Andy and Opie.)

Pam: ROFL!

Andy [munching pie]: Well, Mr. Six, I don' know if I can rightly he'p you find this "Mr. One", seein' as how they ain't nobody in Mayberry by that name.

Prisoner: [deeply frustrated] I keep telling you ...

Andy [holds up one hand; on accounta how t'other one is holdin' his fork]: I know, I know, this-here Mr. One cain't be seen by the nekkid eye.

Opie: Then golly, Mr. Six, iffn he cain't be seen, then how can he rightly be here "in" Mayberry?

Prisoner: [Throws head back at ceiling]: I give up!! Wherever you are!! You win!! I'll give you any information you want!!

Aunt Bea: [Gives familiar, diabolical laugh]

[Unobserved, a giant ball gently bobs and bounces past the living room window]

[Series ends.]

Comments

This is what you are doing quoting others? How about some stuff of your own, if there is such a thing.
Joshua Salik
Salik Games
http://salikgames.home.att.net/wsb/humor/ColaSalikGames.html
"The empty half of the glass is always at the top"

Posted by: Salik Games | October 02, 2004 at 10:12 PM