Beware the Dantooine Scam

GEN. OBI-WAN KENOBI
DUNE SEA REGION
TATOOINE
OUTER RIM

ATTN: FRIEND,

COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY TO YOU. I WISH TO EXTEND THIS MUTUAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL TO YOU WITH THE HOPE THAT YOU WILL GLADLY ACCEPT. I AM AN IMPERIAL SENATOR AND DEPOSED PRINCESS OF THE OLD REPUBLIC. IN THE COURSE OF DISCHARGING MY AMBASSADORIAL DUTY LAST YEAR, I DISCOVERED THAT SOME GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS IN THE EMPIRE, WHICH REGIME HAS CONTROLLED THE GALAXY WITH AN IRON FIST, COMMITTED SOME FISCAL IRREGULARITIES DURING THE DEVELOP OF AN ENORMOUS NEW MOON-SHAPED SPACE STATION WITH TERRIFYING DESTRUCTIVE POTENTIAL. WHAT INTERESTS ME MUCH, AND FOR WHICH REASON I AM WRITING YOU, IS THE CONTRACT FOR THIS PARTICULAR SPACE STATION, WHICH WAS AWARDED TO A CONTRACTOR NAMED GRAND MOFF TARKIN, WAS OVER-ESTIMATED BY THE TUNE OF ALD$25 MILLION, OR 38 MILLION GALACTIC CREDITS. THIS CONTRACT HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND COMMISSIONED AND THE CONTRACTOR FULLY PAID, BUT THE 38M CREDITS OVER ESTIMATED VALUE OF THE CONTRACT IS STILL LYING AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF DANTOOINE.

BECAUSE OF THE HASTE WITH WHICH THE EMPEROR’S SITH LORD, VADER, TOOK OVER THE SPACE STATION PROJECT, THERE WAS NO CHANCE TO COLLECT THIS MONEY BEFORE THE STATION BEGAN ITS MISSION OF TERRORIZING SMALL PLANETS INTO SUBMITTING TO THE WILL OF THE EMPIRE. BUT AS A RESULT OF UPDATED PAYMENTS ADVICE AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF DANTOOINE (CBD), IT HAS BEEN AWAITING TRANSFER TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT.

HAVING DONE ALL THE NECESSARY GROUND WORK, THIS MONEY IS IN NOW MY POSSESSION AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD FOR A TRUST-WORTHY PERSON INTO WHOSE PRIVATE OR COMPANY'S ACCOUNT THIS MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO. I WISH TO LEAD A REBEL ALLIANCE AFTER THIS TRANSACTION AND FIGHT THE EVIL EMPIRE WHICH HAS HELD OUR PEOPLE IN ITS DEADLY GRIP FOR DECADES. YOU ARE THEREFORE REQUESTED TO KINDLY ALLOW ME TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT SO THAT I CAN WITHDRAW THIS MONEY WHEN I WANT TO. UPON THE TRANSFER OF THIS MONEY, 65% OF THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE FOR ME AND MY COLLEAGUES TO BUILD AND ARM REBEL BASES, WHILE 30% SHALL BE FOR YOU THE ACCOUNT OWNER AND THE REMAINING 5% SHALL BE SET ASIDE TO REFUND EXPENSES (SUCH AS HIRING MERCENARY SHIPS FOR INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL) MADE IN THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSACTION. BE ASSURED THAT THIS BUSINESS IS RISK-FREE BUT THE KEYWORD IS THE CONFIDENTIALITY DUE TO THE NATURE OF THE TRANSACTION AND MY POSITION AS AMBASSADOR.

KINDLY TREAT AS URGENT AND CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY THROUGH THIS LITTLE R-2 UNIT. YOU WILL BE FULLY DETAILED WHEN I HEAR FROM YOU. YOUR BANKING PARTICULARS, I.E ACCOUNT NUMBER, YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS ARE VITAL TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS TRANSACTION FOR UPDATING AND REMITTANCE PROTOCOL. YOU ARE MY ONLY HOPE.
BEST REGARDS

(signed)

(PRINCESS) LEIA
REPRESENTATIVE, IMPERIAL SENATE
AMBASSADOR, ALDARAN

Comments

[BB]

This is really good satire. I have always been amused-in an angry, cynical way, by the attempts to get my personal info by email.

[Anthony]

So far beyond genius that it comes perilously close to rear-ending idiocy from the other side of the talent/stupidity interchange.

PS--I'll gladly give you all my coinfidential banking info provided you melt that OTHER robot--the six-foot metal drag queen--into interesting and chic bric-a-brac for my Endor condo. And for God's sake, no Jawas, Sand People or that disgusting Hutt person at the reception this time. The cleaning doids are still sending me nasty emails about them....

[Jo]

Snort guffaw snort snort

Maybe the rebels were funding it all with drug money! It's as if millions of voices screamed out and suddenly! Were silenced!

[snowball]

You really have outdone yourself, you brilliant girl.

You must do what you think is right, of course.

[Keith]

I, for one, am not fooled. You are obviously the Ugandan who stole all my money. I will not be tricked again. I will hunt you down to reclaim what is mine as soon as I can afford the gas money.

[Quakozzla]

Funny-funny. But... your spelling and grammar are too accurate for a real Nigerian scam letter!

[The Journo]

Ever considered putting up your site for a review ? I found your site to be interesting and well-thought out.

For submissions, please leave your site url in my comments box at the bottom of my entries, not in my tag board.

Many thanks,
-the journo

[Darziz]

nice