Kevin Smith ("Dogma")
Captain Faramir [played by Ben Affleck]: Gollum, what the fuck is going on? We catch you outside our secret hang-out, sneaking around, scarfing our fish ... man, you're like, utterly fucking not welcome here in any conceivable way at all whatsoever!
Silent Sam [played by Kevin Smith]: ...........
Frodo [played by Matt Damon]: Hey, Faramir, lighten up, man. He's sort of like, uh, my responsibility ...
Faramir [to Frodo]: Shut the fuck up! [To Gollum] So Gollum, tell me why I shouldn’t just whack you right here and now, man.
Gollum [played by Jason Mewes]: Okay, you wanna know somep'n, asshole? I ain' down wit' this whole mid-evil power trip that you, an' this tubby hobbit mofo been layin' on me since Day One. I'm not tryin' to hear that shit, man. Muthafuckers better back off, or I'll go all Minas Morgul on your asses, yo. I'll do it. Fuuuuck, man, I ain't done fuckin nuthin to nobody. I'm a fucking peace-loving gollum. Some guys, y'know, they're all rockin’ that Southfarthing pipeweed ganj, or they’re all like, “Dude, I gotta find me some tail in Rohan.” But me? No. I don’t need any of that shit. Alls I want is The Precious. It's just me, coupla fish, and The Precious. Now, fucking Frodo here’s got My Precious, so I gotta fucking do what he says. But I say, if YOU come between me an' My Precious, you get the muthafuckin' oliphant by the tusks, knowhudimean?
Faramir: Well, okay Frodo, if you really want him, you can have him.
Frodo: Aw hey, no way, man, I didn’t say I wanted him.
Stumble it!
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