Marlin Perkins: Welcome to Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom!
[Out-of-key theme music]
[Marlin, in his TV suit, stands in a library, in front of a small white screen upon which flash images of landscapes, famous buildings and statues.]
Italy. Beautiful and scenic. Rich in history. The birthplace of the Renaisance movement. It is in this cradle of modern civilization, that many exotic and dangerous creatures of the operatic realm live and die.
In this footage, taken by Jim and our camera crew, we see a band of operatics, going about the business of their day. Normally, these little fellows are bashful, and take flight when they come face-to-face with the prose-speaking world. But they will not notice Jim or our cameras today. The crew sits in a blind which, from the outside, resembles tenor Luciano Pavarotti.
[Cut to the courtyard of a lavish family estate. A man dressed as an 18th century nobleman sprints down the stairs. Hard on his heels is a heavy-set woman, looking disheveled and out of breath. They sing angrily. Other people join in. The nobleman stabs an elderly man, then rushes out. The elderly man sings, then dies.]
At first, we are struck by the beautiful, expressive call of the operatics. It is only later, after much listening and time with a libretto, that we become aware of the rich meaning behind their songs.
[The nobleman, in the company of another man, attempts to seduce a young female in plainer costume. Another man becomes wildly jealous, making singing/threatening motions.]
Some experts say, operatics have designed for themselves a complex society. Mating rituals can become quite elaborate, often taking up to three acts to consummate. Though if the ritual is interrupted by one or more baritone or mezzo operatics, it may go completely awry.
[Three well-dressed people enter, wearing masks and singing constantly.]
Here, we see three handsome specimens. They seem to have added more plumage to their faces. Jim, what can you tell us about this practice?
Jim: Marlin, as near as we can figure, these little fellows are trying to hide in plain sight! That’s right, although they look and sound just as they did before, it seems when they add these “masks”, the other operatics can no longer recognize them!
Marlin: Fascinating, Jim, thanks. I see we’ve come to Intermission. Let’s take this opportunity to remember, though life for an operatic is always less than three acts long, when it comes to your life, you never know when your time is up. That’s why you need the protection of Mutual of Omaha.
[commercial]
Marlin: The operatics we observe continue to impress and amaze us with their complex little community.
[The nobleman sings to another man. After a time, the man seems to agree to exchange clothes with the nobleman. The nobleman dashes off and sweeps a female off her feet.]
The plumage of the operatics varies widely, and may be exchanged when the creatures desire to practice subterfuge. Jim, in the operatics’ community, does there seem to exist a sense of … fair play?
Jim: Oh certainly, Marlin, I don’t think there can be any doubt of that. But like the song of the whale, mankind may never fully understand its intricacy. For example, watch this footage.
[The three previously-seen characters, this time without masks, chase the nobleman until he runs away.]
Those three little fellows have hounded that one all day! Whenever he begins a mating ritual, they swarm down on him quite ferociously. Do they disapprove of his actions? Has some other ritual been neglected here? Frankly, we just don't know yet.
[The nobleman is dining at home. Suddenly a gray-colored man enters. The two engage in a battle of words – or rather, song.]
Marlin: The gray fellow appears to be an unwelcomed visitor, Jim.
Jim: That’s right, Marlin. In fact, he’s a dead operatic, come back to life.
Marlin: My word! Does that happen often in the operatic world?
Jim: Not so much in these older, more established operatic colonies. However, scientists have observed that the modern colonies are teeming with animated dead.
[The nobleman and the gray man fall into flame.]
Marlin: [chuckles] Oh my, I didn’t see that coming! Thanks again, Jim, for that fascinating look at the world of operatics. And that’s another episode of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.
Stumble it!
Hee hee! Awesome.
Posted by: jo | April 23, 2004 at 02:49 PM