"Salome", coming to Fox

“Salome” done in the style of “Married With Children”:

Judea in the time of the Prophets (provided Judea was in Suburban Chicago)

The Captain of the Guard (Marcy Jefferson): How beautiful the Princess Salome looks tonight.
Nabarroth (Bud Bundy): Ease off there Sappho-lips. She may be stupid but she's not dumb enough to think you're a guy.
Captain: Damn. Shouldn't have divorced Steve so quickly. (laugh track)
Enter Herod (Al Bundy) and Herodias (Peg Bundy)
Herod: I hate argiung with Jews. Always gives me gas. (Belches)
Peg: Good thing they don't make you constipated as well. (lt)

Herod: Where's Salome?
Nabarroth: Out lusting after the Prophet Jokannon. Although if he's dating Salome it'll be his LOSS (lt)
Herod: Damn that Prophet.Always saying things about me.
Herodias: Oh Herod, why don't you stop thinking about your step-daughter and start thinking of me, your WIFE?
Herod: That's because you look like a camel that's been lost in the desert for three weeks, honey-bunch.
Herodias: And your feet smell like one. (lt)
Enter Salome
Salome (Kelly Bundy): Daddy, I want that Prophet's, um, whatya call it....Head. On a plate.
Herod: Now pumpkin, remember last time when you wanted that rabbi and we got you one and you said...
Nabbarroth: "Where are its floppy ears"? (lt)
Salome: Shut up, or I'll tell Mom how you've been spying on the Temple virgins.
Nabbaroth: Like you would know what one was, Rent-a-Princess (lt)
Salome: I want the head of Jefferson the Baptist. He's such a hunk.
Herod: Now pumpkin, you know how your mother feels about interfaith dates.
Salome: I don't want fruit. I want the head of Jefferson the Baptist! (lt)
Herod: Salome dearest, how about a weekend in Jerusalem?
Salome: Jefferson the Baptist! I'll dance for you, Daddy!
Herodias: No, don't, Salome. You know what happens when your father gets too excited.
Salome: What?
Herodias: Nothing. (lt)
Salome dances the dance of the Seven Veils—although because Salome is SO DUMB she keeps having to ask, "How many veils have I got left?”
Herod: OK, go behead that Jefferson Prophet guy.
(Captain and Nabbaroth go carry out his orders. The bring up Jefferson the Baptist’s head. He looks rather disgruntled)
Salome (fondling head): This is so cool. Like, every other princess in the Holy Land's gonna want their own beheaded prophet. (lt)
Herodias: This is your fault, Herod. You spoil her so badly no prince in the realm will want to marry her.
Herod: Well, Herodias, with your brains and my luck we'll never have that problem will we? (Massive laugh track as show fades out)
- Anthony