beancounters

Christmas cheer(ing)

Always nice to find one of these interactive snowflake makers circulating around! Create your own snowflake, write a message and email it to your friends, or just "let it snow."

A belated Merry Christmas, blogfolk!

Friday fun: Pink Santa knows if you've been bad or good

Your Twitter posts can tell Santa if you've been naughty or nice! Believe it! Since I was naughty, I expect Santa will bring my Twitter account another fifty "social media experts."

The evolution of the hipster. I missed my window of opportunity, didn't I? Now if I go ahead and get a full-sleeve tattoo, everyone will think it's derivative.

Is Google becoming Skynet? Tell the world.

Skiing for construction workers? Or does this steam shovel have a new pet?

Replay - an excellent animated short film.

NPR's All Songs Considered - best songs of 2009

Putting the "Christ" in your Christmas tree - literally!

Note cards using photographs of corks. Really. This one made me tremendously happy, and I don't know why. So did this one.

And for your computer: it wants to get into the spirit. Help it out with these holiday desktop images.

More St. Paddy's day miscellany

Play St. Patrick's Day Polygone - within the allotted time, find the polygons within the pictures. They're slightly out of place, so they're easy to see. Unless you see that way already. In which case, you have more problems than I can solve on this blog. Start by putting down the green beer.

Say, what a coincidence! On Monday in the comments, Anthony complained that Swedes aren't getting equal attention  - and today, this appears in the Beancounters Email Stash. Hmm.

Into a Stockholm pub comes Henrik Sedin, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Jan-Ove, the bartender.
"Gunnar Lundqvist and me had a fight," says Henrik.
"That little  skräp, Lundqvist," says Jan-Ove, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Henrik, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible omgång he gave me with it."
"Well," says Jan-Ove, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Henrik. "Fru Lundqvist's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Christmas dog-blogging

Tonight and tomorrow my family will be on the road and exchanging gifts up and down the Central Valley. I'm going to do my level best to stay off the computer on Thursday and Friday. Maybe just Thursday. Thursday morning. Thursday  early morning. Well, you know what I mean. Quality time spent exclusively in the Analog World is in order.

So I'd like to take the opportunity today to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas. You're all terrific, and I enjoy your company so much!

Here are a few things from me to you, to make the season brighter.

NORAD tracks Santa - as of this writing, Santa is over North Korea. According to @Santaispissed, "Number one requested gift here is a damn New Kids on the Block CD."

Christmas vs. Chanukah - in the spirit of those Mac-PC commercials. [thx Nancy]

Henrietta and Merna's voices will fill you with the holiday spirit. [Thx, Karen, I think.]

And from my mother, the definitive rules of holiday treats. Be sure and print these out to take with you as a handy calorie guide.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  - 

1.      If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no

calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus

calorie free.

2.      If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also

has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

 

3.      If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies

and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your

friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also.  It would be

rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are,

that makes your cookie calorie free.

 

4.      Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your

feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the

density of the caloric mass.

 

5.      Any calories consumed during the frosting20of the Christmas cookies

will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from

a knife without cutting your tongue.

 

6.      Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have

three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter.  Make more red

ones!

 

7.      Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no

calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of

one's personal fuel.

 

8.      As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of

breaking causes calorie leakage.

 

9.      Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories

since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to

their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING!

 

10.     Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It's a rule.

A sproutalicious Christmas game

It's Saturday, and it's the weekend before Christmas. Let's see. What shall we do together?

Watch Donny and Marie's 1978 Christmas show? No, I couldn't be that cruel.

Reconfigure our outside lights to look like the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Getting closer ...

I've got it. A nice harmless flash game. All you have to do is feed Mr. Sproutifarts his Brussel sprouts while keeping his, er, wind, well below the danger level. There now. Wasn't it worth stopping by?

Lights, camera, Santa

Every year, Alek Komarnitsky of Lafayette, Colorado decorates the outside of his house with Christmas lights. [click the pic to biggify]

 

Amazing, wot? And here we were satisfied to put up one string and decorate our hedges this year.

Yes, he does all this to his house, his lawn, his driveway, his roof. And then he REALLY goes crazy. He sets up three webcams, and  an X10 powerline control technology system that lets his viewers control the 20,000+ lights. They can even mess with Giant Santa and Homer Simpson, and make Hulk roar. Of course, with all the visitors, you can never be sure you control the lights at any given time. And the website is a bit confusing visually. But it's all in the spirit of holiday fun.

The Komarnitskys put this together every year in part to raise money to fight Celiac Disease, which both his children have. Alek says they've raised $30,000 toward research so far. Also, Alek wants us to know this house could be certified by Al Gore - the electricity for the decorations comes from wind power. It's an inconvenient truth! So be sure and visit the amazing webcam house online every evening, from now until Christmas.

Chiller killer thriller turkey shoot

It's close to midnight. Something evil's lurking in the dark.

 

Walking through a snowy village somewhere in the UK, you feel pleasantly squiffed from all the sherry you've consumed this evening. All is quiet, except for the inexplicable sound of banjo music. You shift the rifle in your arms. Suddenly, you hear a strange sound. You turn, blinking, and you see before you a chilling sight. Can it be ...? It's turkeys - strange, UK-type turkeys, banshee turkeys capable of bounding from over the horizon, coming right at you. You try to bring your rifle to bear, feeling alone as never before, knowing that no one can save you. The only thing standing between you and certain death is your own aim. You fire, and fire again, the peace of the village is rent asunder, and still they come, until you are overwhelmed. It is then that you resolve to take on the turkeys again, but this time, you swear you will not drink so much sherry.

Zombie 101

Zombies in plain English [YouTube]

Timely pointers for a dangerous world.

Friday dog-blogging: Halloween

       

Five things you didn't know about Halloween

Candy code, for letting other kids know what to expect at the front door. I can see my daughter and her friends using candy code. But then they'd get carried away and start writing lengthy missives instead. "Beware! There is a Mastiff named Sebastian living here! Woe to any who dare approach yon portal of doom" etc. They'd take so much time at the task, they'd forget to come home.

Classic Halloween flash: Flaming Bag o' Poo

Make your own Sarah Palin costume

And for Anthony: very funny John McCain attack ads as conceived by famous Hollywood directors. Part 2 features David Lynch and M. Night Shamalama. [YouTube]

Halloween time-suck

There's nothing to say except: Cat bowling!

Internet-inspired costumes DO play, after all

Had to laugh at this trio of Dr. Horrible-inspired Halloween costumes. (At least, I assume they'll take off the costumes after Halloween ...)

And what is Penny holding? Keys to a shiny new Australia.

Bunny's Halloween surprises

Are you getting ready for Halloween? My daughter is. She's throwing a trick-or-treat and slumber party, and has been scouring the 'net for games and other party ideas. Please visit her blog and see what she's found so far ...

Yarrr

Avast! Come aboard me 'blogsite, me hearties, an' behold me new pirate banner. Jus' fer today, mind ye, on account of how it be INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY.

An' what be yer pirate name, matey? Mine be TAX EVADIN' MARIE READ. 'Tis a name dear to me heart, it is. For 'twas given to me by me mates, when I passed me CPA exams an' became Ship's Accountant. Aye, a proud day fer any pirate. - What? Did I hear yez a-sniggerin', ye scurvy dog? Ye'd best be believin' that no self-respectin' pirate'd be caught dead sailin' the Seven Seas without a ship's accountant. Them pieces o' eight don' count themselves, y'know. And then there's the tax-sheltered annuities t'be managin' fer th' crew ...

Merry Christmas

Hope you have a wonderful day of fellowship with family and friends, whether you do the traditional celebrating or you just enjoy the quiet city streets together. And remember ...

Happy Christmas, peasants!

For my mother, who feels that America made a big mistake in kicking out the Brits back in 1776, I give you Queen Elizabeth in her first televised Christmas address to the people, 1957.

Isn't she a dish? Ahem! Terribly sorry. Not that one expresses one's admiration of British royalty in such familiar terms.

I love how she informs us she's inviting us into her home for a few casual minutes, then proceeds to give the most stilted speech I've ever heard. More speeches and historical video footage may be found on the new Royal Channel. [via Neatorama]

Christmas down under

I don't remember this very often, but in point of fact, Aussies celebrate Christmas during the heat of summer. And according to the old song Six White Boomers, Santa doesn't use reindeer to pull his sleigh in Australia because they can't stand the heat. He uses six old kangaroos instead. Of course! (No word on PETA's stand on this potentially controversial issue, but we can just imagine.) [via Boot]

Could have been worse - could've been a Seinfeld episode

Your Christmas is Most Like: A Christmas Story

Loving, fun, and totally crazy. Don't shoot your eye out!

What Movie Is Your Christmas Most Like?

Cards for the rest of us

Cara Scissoria - when you care enough to send the very weird. It's a little late to order Xmas cards, but hey, their wider selection is timeless. [via]

Compliant Santa

Make Santa do whatever you want on Simon Sez Santa. Bunnylou, please stick with the kid-friendly version - don't make Santa kill an elf or anything. Thanks, honey.

President's Day quiz

I scored a dismal three out of 20, but that's only because I'm not presidential material and I know it.  How well will you do in the "Just How Presidential Are You" quiz?