beancounters

Friday fun: time travel is dangerous

 

I should explain. This is Drunk Hulk. He has a Twitter account. He is singing that terrible Cure song. Drunk Hulk remarks on the news of the day, but occasionally lets his green hair down and takes song requests. The other day, Drunk Hulk did a mean Toto and Lady Gaga. Not bad! Now for the rest of this week's whimsy.

What is the definition of "unbenounced"? Urban Dictionary knows all.

Here's every pop culture cartoon face, morphed at warp speed for seven minutes. This will mess with your head. But later, you'll love taking screen shots.

Russian lit for toddlers.

The Brothers Karamazov

Feel the soft little bag where Dmitri hides his shameful money. He wears the bag around his neck. It is full of rubles. Why doesn't Dmitri save himself?

- -

Every Cosmo magazine ever written, all in one

Best stained glass church window, ever!

This might have kept me going to church.

Time machine caveat. That's it - no more dreaming of time-travel for me.

And, in case you need something to do this weekend, and you're feeling lucky, there's Ask Sleeves, the mp3 finder. Have fun!

Friday fun: double down

the UC Berkeley a capella group Noteworthy does Gaga at least as well as s/he does. [Thanks, Chaos Theory]

More music: make a hit song with just four chords. These guys are the proof. [NSFW language]

One more video - this one you have to see. A stadium is demolished - and you can click 'n' drag to watch the implosion from inside. I love the internet!

How to name a volcanoMore volcano humor

You've heard about the ungodly weirdness that is the new KFC double down sandwich, yes? Well, James has come up with a Massachusetts-centric version. Should we invent one for California, and what should go into it?

Friday fun: et les crocodiles

A little french girl spins a yarn that starts with Winnie the Pooh and ranges throughout heaven and earth. I could just eat her up. I love the way she says "crocodile."

Mxrk: Aww! Dubya's feeling a little down. [comic]

The dark side of dog humor courtesy of my dog-blogging mom.

Samurai Star Wars! I would totally buy these. They'd be a step up from the old Portal posters I have up in my office.

Robert Heinlein's fan mail response letter. After seeing the cool conveniences he built into his house, it doesn't surprise me he was this efficient.

Author John Scalzi's super-secret project? He's about to publish the world's first reboot of another sci-fi classic.

Wine cork bathmat - Um, looks fairly practical, and easy to make, except the part where I'm slicing several hundred corks in half lengthwise with a pocket knife. I happen to like my fingers attached to my hand, thank you. 

Finally, Lifehacker presents several dozen brand-new, never before conceived-of "hacks" for using up all your soon-to-spoil fresh foods. Here's a mind-blowing example. Ready? Hope you're sitting down for this one.

Not particularly creative or sexy, but I make big pots of soup with any ingredients I fear might go to waste. Cool & freeze in individual or family-sized baggies (I double-bag). Then there's just a thaw, a reheat, and a topping or two between you and a really good meal.

What?! Make? Soup? Yourself? Actual soup? Out of leftovers? I'm blown away.

Friday fun: volcanic panic

Evolution, via

Truck alphabet

Flowchart: how you'll inevitably shatter your iPad. There's even a course of destruction for those, like me, who don't plan on buying one.

Soulmates - until Frodo tore them apart! Boo!

Every viral video will eventually be converted to Justin Bieber. Starting with this one. Then this one. And this one! SUBMIT TO THE BIEBER

The Onion: Butler Wonders What It Has To Do To Get The Hell Out Of Indiana

Chefs serve dinner on a volcano. Now, it's been a long time for me, so I'll ask you - would this be a sort of "first date" scenario, or more of a "I'd like to die and take you with me" dysfunctional marriage thing? Whichever, it's obvious you'd have to pay in advance.

Friday fun: breakfast in bed

Now that the Shiba Inu puppies have grown up and gone, here's a new batch of babies we can stalk follow: The Owl Box. Molly and McGee are barn owls sharing a secluded nest in beautiful San Marcos, CA. Their owlets are in the process of hatching (unless they've already hatched - Molly won't stand up long enough for me to count 'em). There's nothing like watching a male owl bringing the woman he loves breakfast in bed - even if that breakfast is a disemboweled rabbit.

This owl is an easy rider!

Twitter notepad? I haven't actually opened the zip file template, so I'm giving this to you as a sort of blind item.

Google before you speak - a motto for today

Hey, Daily Shite. This made me laugh, too!

Ten things you may not know about Dr. Seuss

In case you missed it, here's the Huntington, WV episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I mentioned it a few weeks ago.

California Driving: a survival guide written by a Brit who lives in the Bay Area. So he ought to know. I mean, talk about a motorway trial by fire. His California driver's IQ test was a little insulting, though! 

Friday fun: Ga ga ooh la la

Lady Gaga's outfits are good enough to eat.

Middle aged women have better memories than men - but not by much, baby. Not by much.

Let's say you're Warner Bros., and you have tons of movie film and television videotape you need to archive. They should be kept someplace completely secure, utterly fireproof, and temperature controlled year-round. Where do you go? The Kansas salt mines, of course.

From the why didn't I think of that? dept.: spiral-eye needles

Good advice

Aww! I <3 these

What should I eat? The candy edition

Genius graphic of the week: Why a Big Mac costs more than a salad

And for fans of The Guild, here's Vork starring in an old instructional video for Taco Bell. You know, so many actors are afraid to be upstaged by a burrito these days. But not this guy. He's so dedicated to his craft!

Friday dog-blogging: back to basics

I started an entire, pretty lengthy Friday blog post this morning. Suddenly all the text disappeared, leaving just the picture below. This isn't the first time this has happened since Typepad "improved" its product. I walked away from the computer and spent a few happy hours out in 3-D Land to try and calm down. It worked, to the extent I can now sit back down and try again. But once more, I am marshaling my limited powers of concentration to try and arrange a different blog hosting situation. If you want to talk, I'll be over here, with a cardboard tube on my nose. (And now the picture has disappeared! Excellent!)

Friday fun: a howling good time

How long since I posted a silly dog video? Too long, too long.

A diagram on the ocean's depth. Wow. Reading this gave me the willies. But then, I've never been a fan of water over my head. Even visiting an aquarium still makes me nervous sometimes.

Easy poster printer - have to try this now that we have a decent printer again.

The apartment of a Star Wars fan - actually, kind of cool-looking.

Where do uncles and aunts come from? [comic]

I know zombie crossover movies are about to become all the rage, but is the world ready for zombie Star Wars?

And for my mom - old film slides, turned into stained glass curtains. She has a bazillion old slides, but I don't know. Would you ever?

Friday fun: omnium gatherum

Happy Friday, and welcome, February! Today, I'm going to make this post as long as possible (in terms of size), in order to push that dreadful Thor poster down and out of sight. Damn, that face gets scarier every time I run across it.

Miss Marple Attempts Stand-up Comedy

Thank you for your warm welcome. It is wonderful to be here at the Chuckle Hut. But one has to keep a close eye on the patrons here, does one not? For example, I just witnessed swarthy Mr. Slovitch tip his waitress with a one pound note. Just one pound, sir? Tsk tsk. I happen to know Mr. Slovitch embezzled 700 pounds from his employer just last week. Constable Charles, I believe you'll find the exact amount he stole located in the middle drawer of the oak bureau in the guest room of his residence at 151 Clockington Place. Minus the one pound tip, of course.

Sonic Harry Potter Obama backpack! With flowers too fuk yeh. Lord, I miss fifth grade.

Coffee mug-stained note paper - because the art of tacky correspondence should not be allowed to die.

"Ze smell of blood iss in ze air ..." - classic children's book Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, as interpreted by Werner Herzog. This is really, really disturbing. But I confess, he hit upon a few troubling aspects of this story I myself noticed, way back when. How about you?

[comic] Alice in Wonderland for the researcher set

Blasphemy? - well, no, this isn't the Middle Ages. Let's just call it Museum Wedding Reception.

Last but not least ... The folks who produce Mr. Deity are having a grand time with the Old Testament. And as we know, there's enough bizarre material there to keep this web series going for decades. Here's the latest. Have a great weekend. And if you're watching the Super Bowl, GO TEAM DORITOS!

Friday fun: if you can't beat 'em, tax 'em

Well, it's late January, so there's probably a Super Bowl game scheduled some time soon. Unless the conflict is resolved through diplomacy. We can only hope!

Unhappy Hipsters - Excellent work. This is how I like my Bergman - a series of stills against a backdrop of cold, modern architecture.

Frederick Pohl blogs about Isaac Asimov

Why should you wear sunscreen? Ladies and gentlemen, I present Exhibit A.

Twitter quote of the week:

I think it's called Pound Cake because "Why Don't You Just Eat Your Feelings & Maybe Four Sticks of Butter" doesn't look as nice on a menu.

Barry has a master plan. Which Arnold probably approves of.

Mr. Peanut tries on glasses at Lenscrafters

My dear boy, I am looking for frames that bespeak my populism, whilst also matching my white gloves and high-top leather shoes. I don't suppose you carry anything in ivory, do you? No? Shame. Ah yes, now that's a smart pair isn't it? Yes my friend, hints of Jung and Joyce in those, I'd say.

Scariest TV logos from our childhood - were they? Please leave a comment below.

Friday fun: where did the week go?

Hey, I updated this blog with a "share" button that appears at the bottom of each blog entry. Refresh the page if you don't see it yet. And please share this blog entry with your less fortunate friends. kthx! Now, on with this week's finds.

First up: a free 2010 calendar, designed with a vintage proofing press using wood and lead type, courtesy of Something's Hiding in Here. Clearly I need to print myself about eight or ten 2010 calendars and, like, paste them to the sleeves of my coats, because I'm quite surprised & perturbed that it's Friday again already.

Speaking of cool design: typographic playing cards [thx Karen]

Jacket + bookmark = awesome

Just Fucking Google It - a public service announcement for the Internet Age

Mystery Google - er, now called "Mystery Seeker" - is a site that will take your pedantic little Google query and THRILL YOU with the search results of the daredevil ahead of you. Of course, his search results will probably be NSFW, so use caution. 

Cocktail cost calculator

The one thing the internet cant ignore

And finally .............

Pop quiz: Which is weirder? (Show your work.)

a) @mytoaster

b) the origins of @mytoaster

c) the fact that @mytoaster has over 300 followers on Twitter

d) me being jealous a toaster has more Twitter followers than I do

Friday fun: have you heard the one about

Today's Fark photoshop challenge: drop superheroes into different franchises. They had me at Hello Spock.

Clement Freud tells his funniest joke. (mildly NSFW, as most of the best jokes are, let's face it.)

The greatest movies, summed up as infographics

Speaking of infographics, I could relate to the one about the morning routine.

Um, I know why church pews are outfitted with kneelers, but why is this necessary for a toilet? Guys, help us out. On second thought, guys, just keep it to yourselves.

It's a rug! No, it's a slipper farm!

And, in response to this week's amazingly boring non-news story: Conan actually has it made. Now can we drop it?

The Zombiepocalypse will be broadcast on Twitter

Per Ricky, all of us need to strive to get ourselves posted on Failbooking.

Friday fun: playing catch-up

Five seasons of 'Lost' in eight minutes - really. And since the sixth and final season starts in February, let the keveling commence.

I found what's eating the comics [comic]

Was that photoshopped? [another comic]

Irony at its best [pics galore]

Chair socks

Muppet Mania continues. Is it just me, or are the Muppets suddenly being treated like they're hot property again? Did Disney launch some kind of stealth promotion? Hey Disney, you own the Muppets AND you own ABC. If you really want to pimp out the Muppets, have them act out the last five seasons of 'Lost.'

"Yes, Jackie, I will marry you. But I am keeping Claire's baby! It is mine! Mine all mine! HAIIII-YAH!"

Just in time for my Christmas meltdown

I went ahead and scheduled my annual Christmas Meltdown for today. It would have gone badly for you ... all of you ... but for these. Thank you, College Humor!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Friday fun: Pink Santa knows if you've been bad or good

Your Twitter posts can tell Santa if you've been naughty or nice! Believe it! Since I was naughty, I expect Santa will bring my Twitter account another fifty "social media experts."

The evolution of the hipster. I missed my window of opportunity, didn't I? Now if I go ahead and get a full-sleeve tattoo, everyone will think it's derivative.

Is Google becoming Skynet? Tell the world.

Skiing for construction workers? Or does this steam shovel have a new pet?

Replay - an excellent animated short film.

NPR's All Songs Considered - best songs of 2009

Putting the "Christ" in your Christmas tree - literally!

Note cards using photographs of corks. Really. This one made me tremendously happy, and I don't know why. So did this one.

And for your computer: it wants to get into the spirit. Help it out with these holiday desktop images.

Any way the wind blows

Friday fun: historical popping

Visualizing empires' decline - a cool video. Just wait until the bloated British empire balloon finally pops!

World's luckiest train track inspector

A journalist tries to tell his son the worst swear word in the world. This story was very similar to the way Bunny learned it. She asked, "If there's an a-word, an' there's a b-word, is there a c-word?" Um, NO, I replied, with almost no authority in my voice. She didn't believe me, but I refused to crack. Months later, of course, she learned it at preschool. I was actually relieved.

What's my name? A Metafilter thread sent to me by non-blogging Daisy. Heh.

Jesus Venn diagram

Stunning paper animation to advertise the New Zealand Book Council. "Books come to life," indeed!

Finally, for my mother: Catherine and Heathcliff audition for Twilight.

CATHERINE: Wilderness of furze and whinstone—your bliss lies, like Satan's, in inflicting misery!

HEATHCLIFF: (to HARDWICKE) This lamb of yours threatens like a bull! It is in danger of splitting its skull against my knuckles.

HARDWICKE: Cut. Okay, that was, you know. Messed up. Catherine, Edward's the one whose speech is supposed to sound like it's from a different time. Heathcliff, the lamb stuff was good, and you've got the whole I'm-fighting-the-bloodlust thing going. But can you give me a little more tenderness?

CATHERINE: He's not a rough diamond, a pearl-containing oyster of a rustic. He's a fierce, pitiless, wolfish man. An unreclaimed creature, without refinement, without cultivation ....

HARDWICKE: Wait—have you even read Twilight?

Friday fun: Great Scott!

Doc Brown Day was yesterday. Did you fire up your flux capacitors in celebration?

Roland Emmerich really doesn't like the world. But he says he likes television. Would you watch '2013'?

Buy a Snuggie, get a Weezer CD. No! Buy a Weezer CD, get a Snuggie! Gosh, I just don't know which scenario is more appealing.

Meet Liu Bolin, the camouflaged artist

What rich people eat

VERY COOL movie narrative charts by xkcd.

And for Jennifer - Here's a great reason to join Twitter. And another! (Okay, not really. But I'll keep at it.)

THIS JUST IN! Yesterday, we gazed in horrified awe at this collection of sci-fi themed velvet paintings.

I'll wait while you catch up on your horrified awe-gazing. Right. Moving on ...

It turns out a painting, depicting Star Trek: The Next Generation's young Wesley Crusher in all his smarmy glory, is already owned by actor Wil Wheaton. AND it was a gift, commissioned by sci-fi writer John Scalzi.

I know, right?

Let us pray. O internet, we thank you for showing us this day such a mighty but evil confluence of geek awesomeness. Amen.

Friday fun: playing virtual hookey

God tweets about making the universe. You know, in my head, God always sounds like a cheerful young girl, and now there's this blog post. Freaky.

It's not to early to plan this awesome Christmas light display.

Superhero - comic strip mashup - I'm a sucker for any and all Family Circus and Dennis the Menace parodies. Those poor kids are, like, 50 by now. They deserve some shaking up once in a while!

Some of your favorite internet memes performed by these two Swedish women in beehives.

I want you to know, I thought up Dr. Octomom first, but I didn't think it appropriate to try and whip up a Halloween costume, when I'm not even supposed to be blogging.

And for BB, who honestly hadn't noticed them: a gallery of cell phone towers disguised as trees.