beancounters

Friday fun: big blue monsters

A complete list of sources Avatar's accused of ripping off. Always nice to see folks taking time out of their busy day to remember Andre Norton. Otherwise, this is a big whatever to me. Can you really call it 'ripping off' when the basic storyline is as old as Odysseus? You don't hear about Homer getting his panties all in a bunch over O Brother, Where Art Thou, do you? Now, get off Cameron's back. He was just trying to entertain you, for corn's sake. If Hurt Locker doesn't win the Oscar, it's not his fault.

Your kids will learn so much about the big blue people in their neighborhood when they read this easy-reading book about the police. 

How to assemble a mighty team of superheroes [comic]

My favorite Lost T

Putting the tooth fairy on notice

Time traveler's kit - Definitely need to make some as gifts. Yes, I know many people so weird, time travel is the only plausible explanation for their eccentricities. And I will wrap each kit in the sock that the recipient is destined to lose in the dryer in the year 2017.

Hasta la vista, Taurus

Psst, buddy! Wanna help out a state that's down on its luck?

Wait! What if I throw in a car that's signed by an action hero?

Everyone's gearing up (heh) for the big state garage sale this Friday and Saturday. But what I didn't know is that the cars, lately owned by Department of General Services, are already up for bid on eBay. I'm going to watch the bids to see what we get. Hopefully enough to replenish our education system.

Play them off, Arnold

IMG_7243, originally uploaded by CaliDGS.

Your governor and mine (well, mine) took seriously a suggestion in his comment box that California start getting rid of waste by holding a garage sale. Check out the warehouse where the Department of General Services has begun to tag surplus items for the August 28th event.

I was not surprised to see hundreds of CPUs and scores of big wooden desks dating back to the Unruh era, but ... diamond rings and pianos? Would love to know the stories behind some of these state purchases.

What a cut-up

 

Unlike other viewers, I wasn't shocked to see California's governor wielding a two-foot knife in his latest Twitter video. I mean, this is Arnold we're talking about. He owns an enormous bronze statue of a bear! He shows up at press conferences with things like brooms and jackhammers in his hands! Whatever else can be said about him, the man surely does know the worth of a good visual aid.

Have wall. Must draw.

Question: If I took a week or so to draw wallpaper and a fireplace on my office wall at work, who would get more mad - our building manager, or the California taxpayers?

You're right; best not to take chances either way. Maybe I should launch a wall-drawing project here at home. My husband would get mad, but at least he couldn't blow the whistle on me to the Governor.

CA budget deal

I haven't read the budget deal crafted by the Big 5 & not sure I will be able to take it all in until this non budget-related headache goes away. But I'm told our three furlough days are still in effect, and there's a potential for more salary cuts. Last night BB & I received ballots to vote for a strike. Hoping it doesn't remotely come to that, but we'll see.

Friday fun

 

On such a summer's daaay ... More funny furlough Friday shirts available at Zazzle.

I thought of my brother when I read Shane kevelling about his old Hot Wheels collection. Dan and I could play for hours with the Hot Wheels cars they handed out at the Shell station, back in the days when the gas station used to do that sort of thing. The stations were all staffed by men who walked out and filled up your gas tank themselves. Yes, it's true. And they'd wash the car windows and check the oil at no extra charge. And when we were finished there, the whole family would go to a drive-in and order brontosaurus burgers. Shut up.

Living with Jesus [click on the cartoon to biggify]

Gail Collins deconstructs the Sotomayor hearings this week. Yep, this was as funny as I thought!

Speaking of Sotomayor, this week's installment of Auto-Tune the News is about getting another shortie on the bench, yo. Brilliant. [YouTube] 

Hmm, Friday. Friday. Now, let's see. What were we going to do on Friday?

Oh, yeah, that was it. See you tonight, Dumbledore! I'll buy the popcorn ...

Furlough Friday: Signs

Well, here in California, most of us are back on furlough Fridays as of today. State workers were docked two days' pay per month starting in February (after a couple of bureaucratic hiccups), but we were allowed to either take those unpaid days off, or bank them for later. In this way, we were able to keep the offices open five days a week.

As of this month, however, Arnold has imposed three furlough days per month, plus ordered that they be taken on Fridays, to save on building maintenance costs on those days. He'd like to take away another 5%, which might result in a fourth furlough day down the road.

My husband and I are two state workers out of the many, and we can't help but read the signs that say this is not only about the money, but about political blackmail.

1) There is no safety in numbers. Over 200,000 employees can have their salary cut 14% by one former action hero, just like that.

2)  It doesn't seem to matter from which fund a salary originates. For instance, Employment Development Department state workers are actually paid from federal accounts, not from the state's General Fund. The state does not pay EDD salaries. So what's the deal with docking their pay 14%?

3) Worse for the EDD employees: so okay, the state gives EDD employees "furlough days" by docking their pay 14%, but then won't let the employees take those days off. EDD employees must work anyway, because applications for Unemployment Insurance are still going through the roof. (BB's working today, and he says the mood in the office is ugly.)

4) Arnold tries to justify deep cuts to the in-home health care program by claiming that state-paid home health care workers are responsible for defrauding the state by 25%. But he can't come up with a definitive place where such a high number comes from.

State workers completely understand that costs must be cut. But against all logic, Arnold is cutting costs with an axe instead of a scalpel. Maybe he's playing with the livelihood of public employees to try and blackmail the legislature into passing a budget he feels he can sign.

[Yo, Sacbee! You do not have my permission to reprint this blog post. Kthx.]

Bo knows shoes

P042109PS-0351
Originally uploaded by The Official White House Photostream

Grace has been browsing the recent photos on the Official White House Photostream, so I thought I'd throw in the one I think is funniest.

Why is this guy protecting his shoes? Doesn't he know Bo is much too well-trained to pee on the help?

Copier unjamming = my super power

I recommend that you bookmark 1000 Awesome Things and read it every week day, just for that 17 seconds of positive feelings before holing up alone in my office. Loved today's entry:

#778 When someone unjams the photocopier for you

And there you stand at the scene of the crime in your pleated pants and button-down shirt. Yeah, I’m guessing the last thing you feel like doing right about now is dropping to your hands and knees and poking your fingers into a steaming engine of paper trays and twirly knobs.

That’s what makes it so great when a bugle blares softly the background and out pops the King Of The Office from around the cubicle wall. Yes, it’s Unjammer-Man, that young techie kid from the IT department who can de-clog the photocopier in no time flat and is happy to lend a hand.

Except that wasn't the kid from IT - it was me, Pam! Unjamming the copy machine is not hard. Success depend on part bitter experience, part willingness to get toner all over my hands, and part knowledge that all you need to do is unhinge all the bright green levers as you make your way into the depths of the machine.

It's all how you look at it

The Department of Motor Vehicles in Colorado denied a lady the privilege of proclaiming her love of tofu through this vanity plate.

Can't think why, can you? [via]

Interactive TARP map

The Treasury Department is using Google maps to create interactive maps of recipients of TARP funds. This tool makes it extremely fast and easy to see which banks are participating in the Capital Purchase Program. See other Google / federal funding mashups here.  So cool! I'd like to see state agencies take a page from this book.

Clarity and depth

I get this all the time, except by email rather than face to face.

Friday dog-blogging: self-portrait

Happy furlough Friday! Most of my state worker readers are home today, I think, taking an unpaid day off. A few people work in departments that got exemptions. BB is working unpaid today at EDD. He has to bank his days off and take them later this year in one block. At his office's discretion. Nice, huh?

I think I mentioned, my tiny office also got an exemption and is doing business today. But as one of their few hourly employees, I still take the normal furlough days. So here I am, in my pajamas, on the computer at home, sharing the funnies. Let's see ...

Carrie Fisher reveals exactly what it was like to film the now-famous metal bikini scenes in Return of the Jedi.

The ignore tee. The Christian Bale tee. Also rock paper scissors zombie Spock? Looks like it was from a teevee show.

I want a fish dog! [YouTube] Isn't he adorable? He'd need flotation-style chew toys and a very, very long leash for walks along the lake bottom.

Q-fold puzzles. These are cool-looking but (for me, at least) visually maddening puzzles. I was going to save this for an It's Saturday post, but after printing one to solve, I decided to spare you, as well as spare your time, your energy, and most crucially, your eyesight.

And for Jo and (non-blogging) Jackie: The mud flap girl goes literate, and other cool bumper stickers from the Wyoming Public Library.

Friday dog-blogging: 2 dollar wine that tastes like 4

At last, a good reason for me to buy a Blackberry. Do you ever find yourself desperately looking for a clean toilet in a strange city? With MizPee, your search just got a whole lot easier. Of course, this being Web 2.0, you may add and rate toilets as well.

WTF blanket - it's that commercial for that silly blanket with arms, now made cool.

Create your own original Star Trek adventure - based, apparantly, on stuff already in your garage.

How to make a rainbow cake

The Joy of Tech: unfollowing on Twitter [comic]

Best find of the week: Ode to Trader Joe's. Inspired, and totally true.

And for all you public employees ... Which sex positions are possible in zero gravity? NASA knows, baby. [SFW] Talk about fun with civil servants!

Final word on furloughs

There was a ruling this morning, after all. The judge gave Arnold the right to order furloughs, stating that we're in an emergency situation, which gives the Governor more authority than normal.

I'm actually fine with the decision, and happy content to do my small part to help staunch the bleeding.

Hope state workers will not be vilified as much, now that we're taking this hit.

Faux furlough

Today state workers will get a judge's ruling as to whether the Governor has the authority to order furloughs.

Ha-ha! That was hard to say with a straight face. No, seriously, we don't expect an actual ruling today. That's crazy talk. We expect further delays while the union negotiates our contracts, appeals are filed, and the whole mess goes to arbitration. All of which might induce Arnold to lay off employees instead, which he does have authority to do.

I've got to hand it to the Sac Bee for their interpretation of what we're going through.

Yes, state workers realize the budget is a mess. Yes, they know that people in the private sector are losing their jobs. Yes, they sense that public opinion has turned on them, OK? They get it.

But they didn't sign on for this: Executive management that has led the business to the brink of insolvency. Contract talks that have dragged on for months. Managers who can't say what the work schedule looks like for next month.

And there's this: A pervasive sense that no matter what state workers sacrifice, it won't be enough to satisfy anyone.

The governor's furlough plan would spackle about 3 percent of the state's gaping $40 billion budget hole for this fiscal year and next.

Still, state workers such as Kendall Koller have come around to accepting the idea, since Schwarzenegger could decide to use his unquestioned authority to lay off workers if he can't furlough them.

"We feel betrayed (again) by the governor … but we would rather take a pay cut than see co-workers and friends sent packing into the turbulent, and honestly, scary world of the unemployed," Koller said in a recent e-mail about the mood where he works.

I like the use of the word 'spackle'. We don't hear that word much, do we? Try and use it today in a sentence.

Furlough news: the line in the sand

For my out of state readers (which is most of you), let me catch you up on the situation we're facing in California: a 9 percent salary reduction for state employees using involuntary furloughs. Will we beancounters be locked out every other Friday starting February 6, or will we not?

Nobody knows. Nobody has a single clue. Really.

Last fall, I briefly blogged about Arnold's proposal to pay state workers the minimum wage. The State Controller put his foot down and said he would not change the payroll computers to accommodate such an ill thought-out request. The exact same scenario arises in the face of furloughs. The State Controller says the governor is not allowed to dictate salary for unionized workers; therefore the SCO won't produce such paychecks. I'm not going to weigh in on the legality; that's for the court. But as a practical matter, it's hard to reduce people's pay when the guy who cuts the paychecks isn't playing ball.

Here's a partial list of agencies that would be exempt: Legislative staff offices, State Board of Equalization, Secretary of State, and anybody in Bargaining Unit 5 (particularly the Highway Patrol). SEIU has gone on record as saying that if one bargaining unit doesn't have to accept the salary cut, that should go for the rest of them.

This is just one fight out of many going on here in Sacramento. The thing is, the state is $40 billion in the hole, and nobody has a solution with enough traction to work. Furloughs would have saved a sizable portion but I doubt they'll ultimately be enforced, so we're still looking at the whole $40B. No one knows how to stop our budget's bleeding, much less repair the wound. Consequently our credit is terrible and nobody will lend us money to keep us liquid. California could well be the first state ever to go bankrupt. I know we're a state that prides itself on leading the nation, but this is crazy.

The furlough times

Everybody seems to have heard - even my father, in West Virginia - that the State of California is on the verge of forcing its state employees to take a 2-day per month furlough, starting in early February.

Now that we're near the day, most of us are trying to look at the bright side. What I've been hearing from most of my fellow workers is that this will be challenging for them financially, but better than the prospect of layoffs. Some lower their voices when they remark that two additional days off a month will actually come in handy, even if the days are unpaid. Provided this is all temporary.

Here at Dream Job, we'd very much like to be able to keep our little office open on those Fridays. We're hoping to be allowed to take "self-directed" furlough, which means we could stagger our furlough days to enable there to be office coverage every day, with no break in services. Unless the plan is also to shut off heat and power in Sacramento buildings to conserve energy, we can't imagine Dept. of Personnel Administration would mind.

BB's agency gets its funding primarily from the fed, so his managers are hoping for some kind of exemption to the state furlough. Or self-directed furlough days. As you can tell, there are many variables left to determine.

Cobwebby politics

So, I've committed to helping my office transform our front desk into a trick or treat station. This isn't because of some huge reserve of zealous holiday cheer on my part, but because a) my boss was sort of guilted into agreeing to let it happen by certain administrators that have (semi-jokingly?) accused my department of being aloof from the rest of the agency, and b) a real distaste among my coworkers for ostentatious displays of whimsy and holiday cheer at the office.

At our staff meeting, eyes rolled at the prospect of putting on a Halloween display. "In these economic times," began one coworker - before I suddenly lunged out of my seat and volunteered to do whatever. Yeah, I'll thread the fake cobweb everywhere, and lay out candy in the plastic pumpkins. I'll be the civil servant who risks looking like she has no real work to do for an hour next Thursday. Just please don't finish that thought. The economy? I'm sure the economy and our collective dignity will survive the purchase of $15 worth of Halloween shit from the crafts store. Sheesh.