There's apparantly an April Fool's Day parade, did you know that? It happens in San Francisco, of course.
And today of all days, you have to read your horoscope for guidance.
There's apparantly an April Fool's Day parade, did you know that? It happens in San Francisco, of course.
And today of all days, you have to read your horoscope for guidance.
Posted at 08:55 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
So somebody is leaving pairs of shoes in front of one particular house in Lincolnshire.
Why? Whywhywhy?
I read someplace - and I can't find it again so trust me - that it must be the work of aliens. I, for one, hope the saga of the mystery shoes is never solved. I mean, I'm not a nut who thinks alien spacecraft has nothing better to do than visit cornfields and leave imprints of our favorite cultural icons. I know it's really some random folks playing a joke on the locals. It's just that I'd like us all to chew on this a while: messages from the Goddess are often subtle and complex, especially when they are disguised as senseless practical jokes.
Posted at 10:56 PM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
We finished "School of Rock" Friday night. Though the last twenty minutes had kids pretending to play like a real rock band, it just couldn't make up for the agony of the preceding hour. Sorry, dude. Better luck in "King Kong".
Next on my list of movies I missed while studying is The Royal Tennenbaums. Will duly report my findings later.
Am I embarrassed to review movies months after they came out? No, I am not. Because I am one of the Sleeper Cell Pundits. We are not bound by convention! Time and distance have no meaning for us! We call it like we see it, when we see it, even if it's months or even years after everyone else has discovered it, chewed it, and discarded it like used gum. After all, isn't a giant Bulwinkle balloon still a giant Bulwinkle balloon, even after the parade has passed by?
There's going to be more to this speech, but I can't think up any more similes and metaphors. I'm open to suggestions, of course.
Posted at 10:19 AM in Discordianism, Film | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)
Too cheap to pay for a visit to your guru? Ashram closed for the weekend? Ask The Mystic Pig your most profound questions.
The Mystic Pig
I asked the mystic pig: Why?
and the mystic pig said: Try Google.
Ask the Mystic Pig another question
created by ixwin
[via Jennifer]
Posted at 04:15 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
DOWNINGTOWN, Pa. (AP) - Two Episcopal priests face possible punishment from the church after it was discovered that they were leaders of a local society of Druids, people who follow a pre-Christian practice of worshipping the sun and venerating the Earth.
While directing parishes in Malvern and Downingtown, the Rev. Glyn Ruppe-Melnyk and the Rev. William Melnyk, a married couple, were also spiritual guides to local Druids.
I'd just like to point out that, if two UU ministers had been caught delivering pagan rites to Druids on the side, they would have gotten visited by just two people: 1) the business office manager, making sure the Druids had processed the W-2 forms properly, and 2) a quick-thinking worship associate, hoping to build a couple of Sunday services around their experience.
Posted at 11:53 PM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
At any rate it all started when I read the following statement on the Internet:1 Suffering exists
2 Suffering arises from attachment to desires
3 Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
4 Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Pathand I realized that not only did these statements represent the "Four Noble Truths" of Buddhism, but they were also a pretty good summing up of Skynyrd's "That Smell".
And thus this game was born.
Take the Is This Really Happening quiz: Is it Zen or is it Zan?
Posted at 09:00 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
We've all seen this picture lately, of a father whose 3 year-old daughter is crying because some nasty punk ripped up her Bush/Cheney sign at a Kerry political rally.
According to these three sites, this isn't the first such unsavory incident happening to Phil Parlock, a staunch Republican. In 1996, he was knocked to the ground during a Clinton rally. In 2000, while protesting during a Gore rally, he was knocked down again and his signs were ripped up. And now this incident while protesting at the Kerry rally. Just one of those things?
Parlock could simply be an unlucky guy who always seems to be around when Democrats do something wretched, who took abuse in 1996, 2000 and 2004 for supporting Republicans, who happened to have the same newspaper on hand to report his story each time, and who also happened to be on the scene of a shooting incident that made Democrats look like frightening would-be assassins.This could be a series of coincidences, but someone should take a long look at this fellow regardless. Manufacturing a few sign-ripping incidents isn't a terribly big deal. But he appears to be hell-bent on making Democrats look like thugs, and there has been a shooting incident involving him on top of everything else. The media, which may well have been repeatedly scammed by Parlock, might want to do some further checking.
Parlock protests that he didn't stage any of these incidents - he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and was repeatedly victimized by horrid baby-hating Democrats. Regardless, you can bet the name Parlock will be flagged with the Associated Press forever.
Let this be a lesson to you discordians who want to stage your own incendiary scenes at political rallys. If you turn yourself into a laughingstock, your adversaries win, right? So either use a different pseudonym at each one, or use your own name but be upfront about your agenda and turn your efforts into satirical performance art, like these people.
Posted at 06:00 AM in Current Affairs, Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
I love this. This appeals to me on a deeper level than I can express in words.
gouranga: A word that appears on moterway bridges in north west UK. It's only purpose to annoy drivers who are left with a nagging curiosity for the rest of their day until the next day when it ceases to become important ever again.
A nonsense word that only serves to make people wonder! Gee, I've never heard of that idea fnord before.
[Via Mindy, who gets all the good spam. Nyah.]
Posted at 05:58 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (10)
As I told Jo, my favorite theory about this is, it was the work of anonymous, insomniac merry pranksters.
When Eric Dau and his wife, Sherrise, drove into their mobile home court in Camanche [Iowa] in the darkness of early Wednesday morning, he says they were startled and frightened to see what was in the roads ahead of them. There were neat rows — as if in painted yellow lines — hundreds of Ronald McDonald dolls.“It was eerie, frightening,” says Dau, who is corrections officer for the Clinton County sheriff’s office. Why all those 14-inch stuffed dolls, with ceramic faces, had been so carefully placed in the middle of a half-dozen roads in Cedar Heights, is a mystery from “Twilight Zone.”
Dau, who is also a volunteer reserve officer for the city of Camanche, was coming off duty at 12:30 a.m. His wife was in the car with him.
He estimates there were 500 of those Ronald McDonald dolls, in perfect formations, spaced about two or three feet apart in the center of six roads in the court that houses about 150 mobile homes.
Posted at 02:27 PM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Posted at 09:03 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
---><---
I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.
But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble.
So I asked the Goddess, "Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"
She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot." And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.
[via]
---><---
Posted at 01:33 PM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Ffungo from Cabaret Discordia (Do NOT click on that link!) shares a few incidents that proved to him that the Goddess knows what he needs before he does, and it ain't world peace.
I have a story to go with Ffungo's. Eris once bought me a tank of gas. Really. When I was first married, we lived near Modesto, CA. Though we were living on our own, in a dump, on BB's income as a bartender (I was unemployed), with no savings whatsoever, we somehow took it into our heads that this would be the perfect time to move to Sacramento. And I, Pam, should immediately take a job there and do some apartment-hunting on the side.
In retrospect, it was a spectacularly, embarrassingly awful idea, particularly when you watch me commuting three hours a day from Modesto to my near-minimum wage job at Monkey Ward in South Sacramento. Why did I do this? It was Christmas and the retail season. Gas was expensive, as it always is. Why didn't I just find a local job, and have us save up for a move? Somebody once said a person can only gain experience after doing stupid things, and well, now I have a helluva lot of experience, what else can I say.
Anyway, one Saturday, Wards was packed with customers. We clerks were so busy we hardly had time to stop for lunch. But that was all right, because I had no money for lunch. I had no money for gum. I had. no. money. BB had none, either. And what was worse, my car was on Empty. I would not be able to make it home to Modesto until right around, oh, payday. What could I do? (Yes, yes, I know. Spectacularly awful idea. Shut up.) I wasn't the type to steal from the till; my life was already complicated enough. So though all the other employees were strangers to me, I steeled myself to hit up somebody for some gas money. I could just imagine the ensuing conversation. ("You live where? Geez, what a spectacularly awful -" "Shut up." "Hey Connie, come and listen to this!" "Shut up, dammit!")
Suddenly I glanced down, and what th - ? There was money on the floor, right in front of me. I picked it up. Twenty bucks! I looked around and sort of held it out a while, waiting for some little old lady to shout in alarm that she was missing her kitty litter fund or something. When nobody showed up, I pocketed it. Sheer relief gave me a buzz for the rest of the day. Saved! Money "randomly" falls into the hands of the desperate! All hail Discordia!
Posted at 01:27 PM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
So I'm surfing the net, looking for a nice clean copy of Principia Discordia that will appeal to any tidy soccer moms who want to experience a little weirdness. And I am doing well until ... I find ... THIS:
It's .... an organization. That introduces purported discordians. To one another. For a fee.
An ORGANIZATION, sweetie darling, for DISCORDIANS.
A bloody ORGANIZATION OF CHAOS, darling.
My head is pounding from the huge extent to which Somebody Does Not Get It.
Discordianism is the happy accident of meeting kindred spirits in strange ways and by unusual means. Making friends through blogging is quite the discordian thing to do, for the simple reason that your odds of really hitting it off with strangers on the Internet are fairly long, leaving all sorts of room for the goddess to rearrange your furniture. But a club? Where you pay someone? To let you e-mail other discordians? Just where are we expected to meet each other, at the food court? In front of Old Navy? Because really, you open the door to tacky, you may as well go all the way. Shall we wear trucker hats, too?
I had to look around this site, just to find out who would join such a chicken outfit. I found one guy!
Hey Dylan. John Tesh called, he wants his sweater back.
Posted at 06:00 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
If you've read through Principia enough to at least know most of the vocab, you may want to dive into Hyperdiscordia. Beware, O Blogger. Few have plumbed its depths and lived to tell the tale; I myself never visit this site fnord. But you look to be of sterner stuff than I.
Ooh. Funny bits:
If you are tired of your Magic 8 Ball, clear your mind and ask a question of the Five Ball of Magick.
The Pope Card Generator. Sadly on the fritz, but heck, in this day and age, you can probably insert your own holy name in minutes.
The First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis.
See? Now I ask you - aren't we having more fun than the Presbyterians?
Posted at 06:00 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
If you want to read the Principia Discordia - or at least skim it for funny pictures, which I suppose will suffice for now - let's not start with a carefully typewritten format. Go to trip23.com's version and read the actual, scanned pages. Principia Discordia isn't a copyrighted work, so don't worry about the literary equivalent of the MPAA on your backs. All Rites are Reversed.
If it looks cheesy, well, you would too, if you were created several pages at a time, then mimeographed and distributed to the poor multiple times before finally being assembled into a book. (Which is not to imply that many of you weren't. I don't really know you all that well.)
And don't try to read the introductions first. Or ever, for that matter. Kerry Thornley co-founded Discordianism, but man, Loompanics let that guy write his own introduction and obviously didn't edit a single f'n word. And it's deadly dull, even for us true believers. Remember, kids: speed kills.
Posted at 06:00 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Many of you who took my Erisian Apostle quiz wrote to me, or commented on my blog, or commented in other blogs where you thought you were safe from me, and asked, "What is this word, 'Erisian', and how can I, the average blogger, learn more?"
Glad you asked. I can think of no better time, i.e., my vacation far away from all things blog, to bring you to the light. But first, please visit the Karmameter. It's brought to you by Cabaret Discordia, which I will not link here because you're not allowed to visit them yet, but suffice for now to say they're a bunch of ffun guys.
UNLIKE OTHER QUIZZES you have recently wasted your time on, the Karmameter is guaranteed 100% accurate, or your money back.
Hint: If you read the entire legal disclaimer, it'll be worth your time come midterms.
Posted at 06:00 AM in Discordianism | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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