beancounters

IKEA to acquire GM

 

[blatantly stolen from Fritinancy]

Poor Mrs. Jackman

[Access Hollywood] It's not easy being Wolverine, the X-Men's toughest mutant superhero -- just ask Hugh Jackman.

The Aussie actor, who's played the role in four "X-Men" movies, including his upcoming spin-off, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," said getting into superhero shape is serious business.

The product of his work is evident on screen -- and at home.

"At first [my wife] was like, 'Hugh, this is ridiculous, look at you,'" he said.

"'I don't know who you are -- now get into bed,'" he continued, laughing.

Oh, yeah. I feel so sorry for her. That poor woman.

A leftist plot to take away your fonts

I'm shocked that, in this day and age, there are those who can still spew such blatantly anti-font propaganda.

[B]y approximately 2018, usage of the Comic Sans font will have surpassed usage of the Helvetica and Times New Roman fonts. By 2030, Comic Sans will be the only remaining font. All other fonts will be extinct and will go the way of grunge and post-grunge lettering.

Holly Sliger and Dave Combs, the husband-and-wife team who started the Ban Comic Sans movement and man the typographic barricades, offer merchandise, font alternatives, and oratory on their website to inspire us all:

"By banding together to eradicate this font from the face of the earth we strive to ensure that future generations will be liberated from this epidemic and never suffer this scourge that is the plague of our time."

See? You doubted me before, and thought the anti-Comic Sans movement was just a short-lived internet joke. But now you know it's more pervasive than that. It's all so clear now. They're messing with your Second Amendment right to bear fonts! All I have to say, Holly and Dave, is this:

WHEN COMIC SANS IS OUTLAWED, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL USE COMIC SANS.

S to the pizzle

He did what now?

This afternoon Arlen Specter (R-Pennsylvania) announced he is joining the Wu-Tang Clan, a prominent, loosely organized group of hardcore rappers that first formed in the early '90s.
At a press conference with all 9 original members, including the RZA, GZA (pronounced "Rizza" and "Jizza") and Method Man, a visibly disoriented Specter read from a prepared statement:

"My life had got no better, same damn 'Lo sweater. Times is rough and tough like leather," said the senior senator of his 29-year membership with the GOP. "I figured out I went the wrong route. So I got with a sick tight clique and went all out."

After Specter finished reading his statement, the members of the Wu took questions.

"We're just happy to have Mr. Specter on board," said Ghostface Killa, who because of the room's low-lying cloud of smoke was barely visible. "When he contacted my office this morning, what else could I tell him but 'Welcome Aboard!"

Couldn't resist

Swine Flu matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my swine flu, do you?

Which movie was this quote from?

Get your own quotes:

I know. Tacky. Shut up & play with this movie quote generator before the supervisor comes back around.

Verily, a URL

This morning I just downloaded FoxyURL, the FF gadget that turns longer URLs into short ones. I think it'll work well; a nice clean button has appeared on my top row next to the Google search window, for ease of teh clickz, so am looking forward to creating short URLs for Twitter in fewer steps.

On the other hand, I could adopt a completely different attitude and use DickensURL. This is a new service that turns ordinary URLs into lengthy Dickens quotes. The URLs are still workable, too, meaning you can annoy your Twitter and blog friends in a whole new way.

Bo knows shoes

P042109PS-0351
Originally uploaded by The Official White House Photostream

Grace has been browsing the recent photos on the Official White House Photostream, so I thought I'd throw in the one I think is funniest.

Why is this guy protecting his shoes? Doesn't he know Bo is much too well-trained to pee on the help?

Everything you need to know about swine flu is

here.

Okay, okay, if you want to see an interactive map, go here.

And if you want to keep up with reliable news in the Sacramento area, go here.

But whatever you do, do not get your news from here. Avoid that place altogether. This is why.

Copier unjamming = my super power

I recommend that you bookmark 1000 Awesome Things and read it every week day, just for that 17 seconds of positive feelings before holing up alone in my office. Loved today's entry:

#778 When someone unjams the photocopier for you

And there you stand at the scene of the crime in your pleated pants and button-down shirt. Yeah, I’m guessing the last thing you feel like doing right about now is dropping to your hands and knees and poking your fingers into a steaming engine of paper trays and twirly knobs.

That’s what makes it so great when a bugle blares softly the background and out pops the King Of The Office from around the cubicle wall. Yes, it’s Unjammer-Man, that young techie kid from the IT department who can de-clog the photocopier in no time flat and is happy to lend a hand.

Except that wasn't the kid from IT - it was me, Pam! Unjamming the copy machine is not hard. Success depend on part bitter experience, part willingness to get toner all over my hands, and part knowledge that all you need to do is unhinge all the bright green levers as you make your way into the depths of the machine.

Sure it was spelled 'Ani' but

Star Wars Poster - Funny!
Originally uploaded by dooleymtv

Anytime's a good time for a Darth Vader joke.

Twitpic test

Trying to learn the ins and outs of Twitpic this morning. So far I have learned how to take a picture on my camera phone. (Here is Daisy teaching Sam doggie yoga.) I can upload pics to Twitpic and to Twitter, and have them show up. But I can't convince either platform that they should post the tweet I include with each pic. Heckheckheckheckheck. Soliciting advice here.

Playing hooky

It's Saturday, so you have plenty of time to play Hooky. BB and I scoured the internets this morning to find you a nice, non-ironic game to waste a little time with. And here it is!

Okay. There's this boy, see? He's going to a party and bringing lemons for the lemonade. Along the way he must battle foes by throwing his hard-won lemons. Defeating foe = winning a friend to take to the party. Object? Reach the party with enough lemons and enough friends. Much like life itself!

Friday Picard-blogging

[made it so]

History did (mostly) clean up that whole kiss me, Hardy thing. [comic]

Ten things to do for digital spring cleaning. Boy, I'm a sucker for a) lists and b) cleaning tips, even if I never follow them.

Meme of the week: 241543903. A photo gallery and an explanation (of sorts). Some entries are better than others.

People who look exactly the same in all pictures. Freaky! And what's the deal with Paris Hilton? I think we finally have living proof she's a vampire or something.

War of the Tweets [comic] Uncomfortably true.

And for my nephew Damon: an interactive map of Springfield from 'The Simpsons.' I want this memorized so we can discuss it on Saturday!

Would Shakespeare have telephoned?

Following Maureen Dowd's condescending interview with the founders of Twitter, Fritinancy envisioned how Ms. Dowd might have reacted to that controversial new device, the telephone.

ME: Did you know you were designing a toy for bored housewives and the indolent rich?

BELL: Actually, I was trying to help deaf people.

ME: I heard about a woman who telephoned her husband to say she was in the throes of childbirth. Whatever happened to private pain?

WATSON: (Inaudible.)

An Earth Day thought

"Just be glad I don't celebrate Earth Day the way I celebrated Alderaan Day." - Darth Vader

Your Wednesday vocab building exercise

We're so bored in our cubicles today, we're going to collectively amuse ourselves by:

a) learning one or two interesting new words, and
b) teaching those new words to our coworkers.

Look around you. (Well, poke your head out of your cube and glance up and down the hallway.) These people need shaking up. They need to be challenged intellectually. And they especially need a few new descriptive words.

Start with the 10 best foreign words the English language needs, pick a good word and start using it in sentences. (I like the last one on the list - desenrascano - which is Portuguese for "pulling a MacGuyver.")

After you've casually dropped the word into conversation three or four times, one of your coworkers may say, "That's Portuguese, right? Are you sure you're pronouncing it correctly?" He/she is obviously not going to respond to your efforts to edify the office. In the future, avoid this coworker. Keep working on the others. Just don't become a backpfeifengesicht.

Baby with Poodles

Kind mit Pudeln
Originally uploaded by beancounter

My highlight of SFMOMA was a sculpture by Katharina Fritsch called Kind mit Pudeln. [Click on this pic and see others in my Flickr pool.] Over 200 hand-painted black poodles stand in formation, staring inward at one baby. According to the plaque, the artist is saying that babies are born innocent but must soon journey outward through a world that is both humorous and potentially corrupt. When I saw this sculpture, I immediately knew the poodles were were wondering what they could get for a kid on eBay.

The real thing

A new cola cult sweeps Japan. Ah, kids today.

My question is, if you drop a Mentos into their cola hats, will their brains explode?

Round and round with Matisse

Matisse sculpture
Originally uploaded by beancounter

My birthday present was a trip to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. We joined a tour group and learned a little about the museum's permanent collection, including this Matisse sculpture.

The highlight of my kid's day (I think - we'll have to wait until she comments to confirm this) happened when we were on the 4th floor looking at a visiting collection. We were standing in a shallow alcove, near what looked like elevator buttons. She pressed a button that said "In Use". We heard the sound of whirring machinery. Uh-oh. We walked with dignified haste in separate directions. A few minutes later, Bunny came up to me, her eyes huge, and pulled me by my elbow back to the alcove. Sure enough, the alcove had been a gigantic service elevator, and the whole bloody wall had disappeared, and we were left staring into an open elevator car filled with packing boxes. We looked around, but no docents were loping across the gallery yet to tell us off. Bunny hit the "close" button and we strolled away again.

No biggie. I say, if you're going to explore your world, you have to take some chances.

To say the least

Uncomfortable plot summaries? Gee, no kidding! [h/t Chaos Theory]

300: Gays kill blacks.

CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”

DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.

JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

W.: Unspeakable disaster afflicts America. Then terrorists attack.

Read them all here.