Christmas dog-blogging

Tonight and tomorrow my family will be on the road and exchanging gifts up and down the Central Valley. I'm going to do my level best to stay off the computer on Thursday and Friday. Maybe just Thursday. Thursday morning. Thursday  early morning. Well, you know what I mean. Quality time spent exclusively in the Analog World is in order.

So I'd like to take the opportunity today to wish everybody a very Merry Christmas. You're all terrific, and I enjoy your company so much!

Here are a few things from me to you, to make the season brighter.

NORAD tracks Santa - as of this writing, Santa is over North Korea. According to @Santaispissed, "Number one requested gift here is a damn New Kids on the Block CD."

Christmas vs. Chanukah - in the spirit of those Mac-PC commercials. [thx Nancy]

Henrietta and Merna's voices will fill you with the holiday spirit. [Thx, Karen, I think.]

And from my mother, the definitive rules of holiday treats. Be sure and print these out to take with you as a handy calorie guide.

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1.      If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no

calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus

calorie free.

2.      If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also

has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

 

3.      If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies

and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your

friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also.  It would be

rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are,

that makes your cookie calorie free.

 

4.      Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your

feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the

density of the caloric mass.

 

5.      Any calories consumed during the frosting20of the Christmas cookies

will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from

a knife without cutting your tongue.

 

6.      Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have

three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter.  Make more red

ones!

 

7.      Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no

calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of

one's personal fuel.

 

8.      As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of

breaking causes calorie leakage.

 

9.      Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories

since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to

their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING!

 

10.     Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It's a rule.