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February 15, 2008

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Anthony

Things I Learned From Science-Fiction:

1) If you're smart enough to cross the galaxy to conquer a planet and yet you can't quite figure out that it's 75% water, then you DESERVE Mel Gibson!

2) When you go out in search of the first spaceship to do something bold (go faster than light, restart the sun)and you find it: DON'T GO ABOARD IT BECAUSE OF COURSE IT'S HAUNTED BY A DEMENTED SURVIVING CREW MEMBER WHO MEANS YOU HARM. Sheesh, that's a no-brainer!

3) Never, I repeat, NEVER trust the ship's robot/computer/android whenever it tells you that it's perfectly safe to go down to the planet surface. There's always an agenda in its microchips.

4) If you find yourself transported through time to the future, always remember to bring your copy of Moby Dick, as it seems to be the only novel that anyone still reads.

5) Don't laugh at the civvie who tries to tell you about the aliens who leak acid no matter how good the knife trick is.

6) If you encounter a space probe of unimaginable power and unknown origin, immediately call Earth and ask about any old communication sats they may have misplaced 300 years ago.

7) Disembdied alien entities who are "amused" at your 3-D lifestyle are generally snotty. Deal with it--you can't punch them.

8) Computers can lip read, but thay can't play Charades!

9) If you find a 3000 foot, perfectly smooth tunnel inexplicably in the Antarctic by all means go investigate. After all, it was probably just snow ants or very industrious beavers!

10) Soylent Green may be made from people, but you still might want some mustard on the side...

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