Outing inanimate objects

Y'know, I always had a feeling about these things ...

Too long have closeted gay and lesbian inanimate objects denied their comrades the political clout and voice they need. In the interest of creating a fair forum through which all inanimate objects, gay and straight, can participate, we release this list which outs known gay inanimate objects. We apologize to the friends and family their unnecessary lies have hurt.

Diving Board
For all its seeming rigidity and straight posturing, the diving board is a bouncy, flouncy plank of powder blue that can barely hold on to its hinges when some beefcake in a Speedo takes a leap on it.

French Horn
The Kevin Spacey of the brass section, it has never claimed to be straight, and the orchestral maneuvers in the dark this horn-dog prefers are instrument-on-instrument. “As gay as a French Horn” is in use as the result of its prodigious exploits, though it is not as flamboyant as the mellophone.

More here!

Comments

[Wende]

wait. . . Kevin Spacey is gay??? (snort)

[Anthony]

Is he? He seemed so manly and take charge in "Seven"--such a dreamboat of a psycho-killer. Plus, he specifically denies killing the dog near the end of the movie! No french horn would be capable of that!
Oh yeah and as for those rumors about the "straight" wooodwind family, I point to the obvious clue that one of them is a self-proclaimed faggot.
(PS--nobody have a cow--Pam will explain all in her next--hasty--post!)

[pam]

No, I won't. I don't get it. Do you mean the clarinet is made of wood? Or the oboe likes to travel in tightly-bundled packs? :-)

[Anthony]

Sigh....
"Faggot" (with an umlaut over the "a"--or is it the "o"?) is German for bassoon. Which
really means "bunch of sticks" which shows you how
imaginative the Germans really are. Hence, my "outing" of the woodwind family!
My life is one big, dark room...(This reads like stereo instructions!)
If politics were an orchestra, Congressman Barney Frank would be a faggor (with the umlaut to make it respectable) and current Presidential whiz kid Huckabee would be a contra-faggot (without the umlaut and I leave you to ponder this rarity of rarities--a bilingual joke which works in neither direction!)

[Lori]

How politically incorrect.

I loved it.

[elswhere]

But these are all gay *male* inanimate objects! (Except the spork, maybe.) Where are the lesbians???

*sigh* the patriarchy strikes again.

[pam]

That's outrageous! Hey, if anybody wants to suggest lesbian inaminate objects here, I'll devote a post to them. :-)