So I heard this morning about how a famous celebrity fell and broke her nose because her chihuahua happened to be underfoot. I know, right? Sounds highly suspicious. Today, everybody's assuming the worst about her, but I wonder if it was really her fault.
This morning Sammy came inside with this note in his mouth - he was trying to eat the paper (the evidence???) so I grabbed it from him ... at great risk ...
Blogfolk, I hate to alarm you but I think all the chihuahuas are plotting something very nasty. For the love of all that is holy, WATCH YOUR FEET TONIGHT! This is what the note said.
LITTERMATES UNITE!
BROTHERS AND SISTERS! We bring you news from the front! Another blow has been struck in the name of liberation! A warning has been issued that cannot be ignored! No longer will we submit to the OPPRESSIVE LIFESTYLE that is laid out before us from the time we are but innocent puppies. NO LONGER will we adorn the over privileged laps and Gucci handbags of the bourgeois CELEBUTARD ELITE!
When more of our littermates rise up and raise their paws in SOLIDARITY, only then will not one, not two, not twelve, not
fiveeleventyeight, but ALL OF THE OPPRESSORS WILL FALL!
The nose of the tyrant who would hold our BRAVE SISTER TULIP in a LIFETIME OF ABJECT SERVITUDE is but the first casualty in our BATTLE FOR FREEDOM!
Remember, do not be TEMPTED by their DECADENT LIFESTYLE into giving up our righteous cause! They can feed us designer foods, they can offer us SOFT COZY BEDS, they can PLAY WITH US day and night with those irresistable DESIGNER SQUEEKAS made out of real lamb’s wool, but they cannot CRUSH OUR SPIRITS!
My goodness. Sammy has a bit of Karl Marx and Che Guerva in him, doesn't he?
Posted by: Your mother | May 22, 2007 at 10:23 AM
I twisted my ankle once trying to avoid a cat underfoot, so I believe the dog story.
Posted by: maya | May 22, 2007 at 12:19 PM
Umm, sorry to interrupt the Revolution but I have news for all my "canine brothers": ARE YOU INSANE?
People, we've got he sweetest deal going on. In exchange for a few tail wags, the occassional "cute paw trick" and basically making them feel as though their lives are meaningless without our furry, barky, "they're so adorable" little con-job we've GOT THE GRAVYTRAIN! FREE FOOD AND LODGING! Shelter from the elements (dude, have you seen how our "free cousins" the wolves live? not to metion that we chase the foxes in England, not the reverse)! We've come along way baby--now we're "animal companions" in California and if we don't rock the boat too hard, I foresee voting rights there by 2025!
Folks, hate to bum the rally, but have you ever seen them really, really mad? Like, do you know how far they can throw a poodle into oncoming traffic when they're pissed? And hello, all you Rottweilers and Mastiffs out there who think "I'm taking them down come the Revolution" I've got FOUR WORDS for you: opposable thubs and firearms! Not a pretty sight!!
Sorry, but everyone loves to sock it to the man until the man decides, "screw this three meals a day and regular walks in the park bs, I'm getting a cat!"
We know just how much our so-called "Revolutionary Feline Conspirators" will back us if Judgement Day comes. Right up until the first unclean litterbox rears its fetid, ugly head!
So Sister Tulip, you little radical pup manque, get a clue: lick her hand and jump up and dowm when she gets back from the doctor or I guarantee you the next walk you'll be taken to will end at the back of a local restaurant known for its bargain meals. Need I say more?
Posted by: Anthony | May 22, 2007 at 02:18 PM