Catch a cloud and pin it down

Very good stuff over at McSweeney's this week. My favorite: AN UPDATE ON THE PROBLEM OF MARIA

FROM: The Reverend Mother
TO: The Nuns

My Sisters,

As you know, our little convent has been plagued in recent months by "the Maria problem." I must say, in all my years serving the Lord, this is the greatest challenge I have ever faced. It is like trying to hold a moonbeam in your hand.

Nuns have described Maria as "a headache," "a demon," and "capable of outpestering any pest." Yet, when I put out a box to collect anonymous Maria-related complaints, many of them seemed relatively minor:

• "She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee." We are not Franciscans, but surely we can agree that a youthful heart often expresses its love of the Almighty through delight in nature. Besides, it's spring; it's like the hills are alive!
• "She's always late for everything except for every meal." As a novice, Maria may simply be unaccustomed to the regimented life the convent demands. By the way, the implication that she is fat is simply uncalled for.
• "Underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair." Sisters, we all know that Maria sports a rather unflattering pageboy bob, with nothing resembling a curl upon her head. Whoever submitted this slander must search her soul.

Be sure and read the rest.

Comments

[Anthony]

Umm, while we're at it, would someone please inform Rolf that "You Are 16/Going On 17" still means "15 years Maximum Security" even in Austria, and that handsome young blonde Nazi wannabees fetch a VERY HIGH price in lockdown. Last time I checked, "toss the salad" translates quite well into German!

[pam]

Ok: eww!