beancounters

Especially the blood bank one

I haven't heard some of these before. One of them is sure to come in handy, when I finally f'n conk out this afternoon.

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK

5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

4. "This is just a fifteen-minute power nap they raved about in that time   management course you sent me to."

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time!"

2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put

your   ear down real close?"

And, the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.....

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "....In Jesus' name, Amen."

Note to self: Ellingtoven

Bradley Sowash is a pianist who dreamed up a collaboration between Beethoven and Duke Ellington. The result is this brilliant Ellingtoven. Go and download this fr3e mus1c file, watch the video, and then check out his other piano solo works.

Throw the sandwich and make a break for it!

Unremitting Failure describes his workplace. Hmm, I think I've been there ...

Occasionally, whilst wandering in the central labyrinth of our federal office building, one comes across a badly injured comrade who will never make it back out alive.  Their injuries are generally due to (1) attacks by the marauding gangs of larger, surlier bureaucrats who have grown feral over the years or (2) old age.  It is customary to deliver the coup de grace to a grievously injured fellow fed, either by offering them one of the cyanide capsules that are handed out like candy here, or by luger shot.

Second interview

In my suit and heels, in the pouring rain, having finally found a place to park near the Capitol, I juggled my umbrella, my purse, my cell phone, and the wallet where I keep the department contact info, until I was finally able to plug in the number and inform the interviewer I'd be a few minutes late to the building.

I probably looked really windblown when I finally got there. He asked if I wanted to 'freshen up', but as I had forgotten all the traditional feminine-style fresheners - even a brush! - I said no thank you.

The second interview was conducted by the director, and took almost as long as the first one. I was expecting another interview like the first - a nervous energy, suit and tie kind of interview, where the questions are squared off and tied in bows. But this interview was all casual and intuitive. Still, he's insightful, and he asked more questions about my policy knowledge than I think I've ever had to field from one person.

They're really happy with me. If Personnel gives the okay, I'll probably be offered the job. 

But Personnel has two medium-sized hurdles when it comes to okaying me. First, I have low leave balances. It's explainable - I keep taking off for family doctor visits and to do schoolwork - but will they bother to ask me directly? 

And second, though a year ago I took the specific employment exam you need to qualify for this position, the exam was given by a different agency. Now the place that wants me has to perform some tricky bit of HR legerdemain to complete an interagency transfer. Sometimes, Personnel balks at accepting exam scores from other agencies. That's what happened on the job I'm at now. It cost me a promotion, to have let myself get hired before my exam scores were successfully transferred and accepted. I won't let that happen again.

Recycling reinvention

The city of Rancho Cordova, here in Sacto county, got a new brand and a new logo this month. I mention this because a few special people I know will get a smile.

The city's new catch phrase is "City Life. Reinvented." The Grapevine reports that the phrase was picked by Ted Gaebler, the city manager. Putting aside the contestable use of punctuation, where have we heard the word 'reinvented' before?

In the book that's quite literally "The Book" on alternatives to big bureaucracy, and that Ted Gaebler happens to have co-written.

It's a shame the Grapevine was not clued in on what's obviously a clever inside reference.

The best part of the Oscars

Happy Monday! Did you watch the Oscars last night? I was at my mom's house, when I wasn't on the road. And as a rule, I always skip the Academy Awards. But I never miss the fashion recaps the day after. I used to call it a guilty pleasure, but Go Fug Yourself has helped me look deep, deep within and admit how much I like to read about Hollywood costumage; now I've dropped the word "guilty".

Finally done

The interview wasn't horrendous. I think the bottom line is, if they want someone with a lot of field experience, they'd better keep looking. But if they're interested in someone who has a good knowledge base to build on, I have a chance. Their interview questions focused on both aspects, so I couldn't get a bead on their true motives. So I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Later: Good news, blogfolk - second interview on Monday.

Cold shot

How well would you do as a barista at Starbucks? Play the game and find out. [via Karen]

I was shocked - shocked! - to find that I, a frequenter of coffee shops all my adult life, scored zero out of eight. Whereas Karen, who doesn't even like coffee, claims to have gotten a much better score.

Is she a space alien? Or is she receiving telepathic instructions from the Starbucks Illuminati??

Strategic planning

Because I have to write a short analysis (for my other course) about any public agency, and because that silly interview has been on my mind, I thought I'd combine the two and pick Dream Job to be the subject of my paper. Think how knowledgable I will sound at the interview! I'll hold forth on the strengths and weaknesses of the agency's Mission and Vision Statements, and give my wonderful insights on the three-year Strategic Plan.

But it'll be a damn monologue. You want to know why? Because public workers never actually read their agency's Strategic Plan. Girl, please!

The State Legislature mandated that all state agencies develop a Mission, Vision, Goals and S.P. So it follows that the overarching goal is to make the agency sound good to ... I'll give you one guess ... that's right! The Legislature! That's why the language in them tends to be rather florid instead of straightforward, and why normal people's eyes cross just to attempt to read them.

I'd share an example, but as it happens, Dream Job's statements are perfect. They're dreeeeamy! Not that I'm biased.

But seriously, about the no-read-em thing: I had to call DJ for a copy of the Strategic Plan, because it wasn't on their public website. The guy - the head of the administration department - had no idea where it might be, but he promised to find it. Later he e-mailed it to me. It turned out just one administrator knew where the S.P. was kept. And it's a working copy. From last spring. See what I mean?

OK, I'd better get back to my mountain of articles. Stupid thesis. Jo, it's too late for me, but save yourself. Save yourself.

President's Day quiz

I scored a dismal three out of 20, but that's only because I'm not presidential material and I know it.  How well will you do in the "Just How Presidential Are You" quiz?

Are you Buxtehude?

Be sure and refresh this page - I changed the look this morning. Hope you like it, because I'm through for a long while. Frustrating!

Also, it's Saturday (still), and the start of another three-day weekend, so you have plenty of time to help the hard-working 20Q people beta-test their quizzes. You may remember playing the original 20 questions game online. I discovered the site has been taken down  ... but now my kid has a little hand-held 20Q game, which is just as addicting.

Anyway, go here and try out some of their other games, such as People and UK Music. When you win, the game gets kind of snooty with you, which is just as fun as you remember.

Bad movies and good news

Now BB's home sick. Poor guy. This is how it goes! One of them catches a cold, then bounces back and vacates the house again before the other one crashes.

Me, I'm too mean to get sick. I only call in sick; there's a difference.

Direct evidence of BB's delirium: he wants to see "Ghost Rider" this weekend. Imagine! It looks like a disaster. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm tainted by this: How to tell if you're watching a bad Nicolas Cage movie.

If you’re watching the trailer for the new Nicolas Cage superhero movie and find yourself thinking “Nicolas Cage, really? Was Ben Affleck not available?” and don’t immediately freak out that you’ve chosen Ben Affleck over Nicolas Cage, then don’t bother with Ghost Rider. Seriously. Save your money. Catch up on your TiVo. Go see one of the Academy Award movies (other than Babel). Hell, just go back and re-watch Daredevil.

Heh.

OMG. Dream Job finally called to set up an interview! Don't boggle at the fact it's been five weeks since I turned in the application. With the state, this is considered a fast turnaround.

Just so you know, this application is more like a reconnoiter than a serious transfer attempt. I'm comfortable where I am, here in my last semester of school, now that I've calmed down and learned 70 pages of their damned acronyms. The people are nice, and the location is really, really convenient. DJ would have to be an amazing opportunity for me to consider moving.

Oh - also, they'd have to want me in the first place. Forgot that little detail.

Friday dog-blogging: lists

Four reasons we're sure Sammy is really a cat:

1) <--- He likes to hang out on the window sill.

2) He meows, especially when he yawns.

3) He's sort of snooty about staying on your lap, unless you're wearing dark clothes.

4) He sheds, blogfolk. Oh, how he sheds. He sheds like he's trying to duplicate himself.

No sign of hairballs yet, but we're waiting.

Mind Tricks Dogs Play On Humans [via The Poodle and Dog Blog]

* Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

* Make strangers feel sorry for you. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

* Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

(Read the rest here .)

The yawn and the pantsless

Bunnylou's been feeling under the weather this week. Yesterday she stayed home all day, but refused to entertain the thought she might miss the big Valentine's Day snarf-fest at school. "I will go to school Wednesday, and I don't want to hear another word," she snarled, in a dead-on parody of her mother somebody close to her. And, in fact, this morning she was back to her old self. But it didn't last long - she called me from the school office, tired out and nearly in tears.

We think the fact she deliberately left a party that would have included a mound of candy and sweets rivaled only by the mountain of junk food they scale at their annual Christmas party, was infallible proof she was really sick. Then again, she's ten, and learning how to lead a more nuanced life than ever before. Hmmm.

Anyway, here's us, sprawled on the couch in the late morning, looking for something good to watch on TV. Instead, we accidentally stumble on a soap opera. 

Now, I watched this thing religiously back in the 90's, when I worked closing shift at an electronics store. In fact, everyone on our shift watched it, so we'd have something to dish about at work and make the time pass. It was Our Thing.

But looking at it now? Nothing has changed! The characters are exactly the same after thirteen years!

Me: Look, it's Brad! Eww! See that guy, Brad? He's a total jerk. He's slept - er, he's kissed every single woman in Genoa City.

Bunny: Hey, lady! Don't kiss Brad! You don't know where those lips have been!

Me: I'm guessing that's Victoria, Victor and Nikki's daughter. She's gotta be 20 years younger than him! But I guess she was next on the list.

Bunny: I'll be Young. You be Restless.

Me: You be Young and Restless. I'll be Old and Sedate.

Bunny: Okay.

We dished out the hatin' all during the first half, but by the time some girl accidentally discovered that her professor/lover might actually be the town serial killer, we were making plans to record the show every day.

No! Must ... resist! In spite of my joking, I actually won't let her watch a show where people sleep with other people at random every few days.

Oops.  At least not as a habit. My bad.

Thank you, Molly

Love comes in all forms, you know, and from all places in the world. Witness this beautiful piece of art from our Molly Goatwax. She starts months in advance, cutting out the boards and applying beautiful papers and sparkles to each individual valentine. Then she mails them to what must be a burgeoning list of appreciative neighbors and friends. I'm so happy to be counted among them.

Mid-week monsters

Some YouTube goodness ...

Introducing the book - what Medieval tech support must've been like.

And I just now got around to watching the Thriller wedding reception. It brought tears to my eyes! Oh, Michael, you turned so very, very weird, and we doubt you can ever find your way back ... but even if you don't, your legacy will be preserved forever by us white people who can't dance for shit.

Getting in some work before the Revolution

Washington, or maybe Lincoln,  was the one of the greatest presidents we've ever had, because he was born in February, and now state workers get this day off. (Next week, repeat this sentiment, but for the other guy.)

Today I'm going to the college library with my laptop and a ragtag assortment of journal articles on private funding of K-12 education (culled from the notebooks of previous classes - I've been writing on this subject for two years now).

To do:

- Find a damn dayplanner. Guess I'll have to brave one of those office supply supermarkets. Good Lord! Didn't they used to be sold by every corner barber and apothecary a few years ago? Surely we haven't completely forsworn pocket-sized calendars for the online Google version yet. Don't let this happen, blogfolk! Don't let Google know where you'll be at any given hour of the day or night. This is just what they want; it's how they'll take over when the Google RevolutionTM comes.

- Rewrite my prospectus so it's acceptable to my whispering advisors. Guh. Sends shivers, the thought of having to e-mail my progress to these guys. Well, to anybody, really.

- Read, read, read. Write, write, write. Repeat.

- I'd better get in some work on my other class. We'll be analyzing the organizational structure of a public agency. In this case, the Army Corp of Engineers. Should be an interesting group project: one member of our team is down on the ACE because they save wetlands and are the bane of housing developers. As I live near a beautiful wetlands area and (soon to be) preserve (if there's any justice), I told the group I'm pretty grateful to the ACE. Looking forward to some good debate.

Outsourced blog-pimping

Requests for reciprocal linking: not just for blog ho's anymore; now an international business and an outsourcing model. Check out the e-mail I got yesterday from somebody in India.

Dear webmaster,

We would like to become your linking partner and have taken the initiative of posting your link to our web site. You may view your link at the following location: http://www.netsurfingguide.com/icanbook/Holiday.htm

[I'm underwhelmed.]

We have placed the URL, Title, and a suitable description of your web site which will definitely benefit your online presence. Please feel free to verify this information and let us know if you have any questions. We will be glad to address any concerns right away!

[Um, where do I even begin to describe my concerns ... How about, who thought up this lame idea? Whom do you believe will even seek out your website? As far as I can tell, the only people who visit your site are similar to myself - i.e., ticked off to discover their blogs are being linked by a troll. Not exactly my target demographic, if you know what I mean.]

We respectfully request that our web site's link is hosted on your web site at the following location:
http://beancounters.blogs.com/daydreams/2007/01/the_baggage_of_.html

[See the post they selected? I'd like to know what a blog post about a crazy woman and her basket of photographs have to do with travel. Too bad there's no "suitable description" to explain the mass appeal.]

We appreciate it if you will use the following information to link back to us:

URL = [redacted on principle]
Title = Comparison Airfare
Description = Find best deals on airfare. Compare several major travel sites to get best deals on airfare.

Once again, we look forward to become your link partner and appreciate it if you will send us the exact location of our link once you add it to your web site.

We look forward to your prompt response.

I did promptly write back. Be proud of me. I said that the offer was miiiighty tempting, but that I would regretfully pass on account of how they're nothing but web trolls. I wonder how the word "troll" will translate ...

Happy Birthday, Bunny!

Today, my dearest girl, you enter the double digit years. This morning when you got up, you came into this room and sat on my lap. Sad to say, our days of lap-sitting appear to be numbered. A few minutes later, as we stood up together, we realized your head now clears my chin, which makes you at least five feet tall.

Your dad and I have no idea why you don't want to stay nine. Nine has been your best age so far! But if you really insist on becoming ten years old today (and it appears you have size and strength on your side), so be it. They say ten can be a pretty great age, too. Your stodgy ol' parents will just have to get used to it.

Happy Birthday!

Friday dog-blogging: let's go surfing now

The truth about Google Earth! [via Scupper] I suspected as much ...

The best 404 page ever written. [via Daisy] Scroll all the way down; it's worth it.

Here's something new for your dog to throw off, shake in his teeth, tear to bits and leave all over your rug: The K-9 Scarf. On the positive side, though, it looks perfect for humans to wear, doesn't it? It's short, it's earth-toned, it fastens to itself, you can't lose it ... I say to heck with the dog; order one for me.

A-hunka-hunka frozan Gungan. [via CT] Thankyouverymuch.

And via Ipso Sacto, because if he can watch my blog, I can watch his ... this clever animated tomato, which you can program to say anything you like. And if you can't think up anything yerself, do what I did and make him quote Ford Prefect.