If CSI had shown three women who look like me - chubby, with bad hair and thrift store sweaters - staying in a hotel, suspected in a pool boy’s death - those women would have been totally honest with the police. The resulting episode would have been about 10 minutes long. Let's watch ...
Horatio Caine, the CSI Lieutenant: Ma’am, we found this near the pool boy’s body. [Holds up a baggie that contains a half-eaten bowl of tiramisu.] We know it has your DNA on it, even though in real life, DNA tests take about two weeks to run. Care to explain?
Attorney: He must have stolen it from my client!
Suspect #1: Hell no, he didn’t steal it. I DID it with him! Woo-hoo! Me and the handsome pool boy, baby!
Attorney: Lieutenant, please disregard my client’s statement. She hasn’t had her rights explained to her …
Suspect #2: What? YOU did it with the pool boy? I thought I was the only one who did it with the pool boy!
Suspect #3: I don’t think so, because I did it with the pool boy too!
Horatio: Now, wait a minute …
Suspect #1: Girlfriend! [All three high-five each other.]
Suspect #2: So, how’d he get dead?
Suspect #3: Well, okay, let’s see. I had him until around … 8:55, I remember, because it was right before ‘Project Runway’ came on.
Suspect #2: Oh, I missed that episode! He refused to let me face the TV screen while we were doing it. Did Pepper get voted off?
Suspect #1: No, it was Mario, the really hot one!
Suspect #2: Damn!
Suspect #1: So, okay, since I saw all of ‘Project Runway’ … and most of ‘What Not To Wear’ … I must have been the last one to have the pool boy!
Horatio: Ladies …
Suspect #3: Oh, you poor thing. The last to see him alive.
Suspect #1: Well, my bad – I remember now, I kinda killed him. He kept interrupting Clinton and Stacy.
Suspect #3: [Pats #1 on the shoulder.] We don't blame you a bit.
Suspect #2: Um, did he say if he was gonna call me?
~ END ~
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