It was a nice weekend. Didn't rain, either, and stayed dry long enough for me to clip some geraniums and attempt to start them in tiny pots. Historically I have about a 50% success rate, so we'll see.
Bella the dog is feeling much better since her paw accident. Had her bandages changed last Thursday and was declared the picture of good health. Since then she's taken charge of her own convalescence. She's trying to chew her own bandages off. You know what that means: ON goes the cone collar. Flippin dogs! Occasionally they need reminding who's got the opposable thumbs in the family.
Its Spring Break this week. Last night, Bunnylou was literally bouncing around the house with happiness. Then came the hammer: bedtime at 9:30. No fair, Mom! It's vacation! She managed to stall until 10, but she really wanted to stay up until way later.
All serious now, she found a piece of paper she'd brought home from church, sat me down on her bed, and read to me. This paper turned out to be something they'd discussed in religious ed - methods that you should use to resolve conflicts and negotiate peacefully, called "Win/Win Rules".
Define and identify the problem, it began. "Well," she said, "the problem is that I want to stay up later than ten."
Okay. "I see the problem as the fact you won't go to bed when I tell you to, and you're stalling."
Hmm. That didn't go so well. Together, we read the next rule. Share feelings. Use only 'I' messages. Don't place blame or refer to past events.
Bunny: "Since it's vacation, I am really looking forward to staying up late. I want to write a comic strip right now."
Me: "I am afraid you will get up at the normal time tomorrow and won't get enough sleep. I also get nervous when you are awake after I go to bed - which will be soon." Figured I might as well confess all my 'I' worries, since we were committed to this negotiating exercise, and any fool could see she was on her way to getting some of what she wanted anyway.
It also makes Bunny nervous to be the last one up. (Nobody ever knows when BB will go to bed.) So that last point was a sobering one. We moved on to the next rule, Brainstorm Solutions.
Bunny: "I could stay up a while, and draw my comic."
Me: "You could stay up until 11, I guess. But for the rest of the week, I'd expect you to go to bed on time."
Bunny: "Vacation bedtime, not school bedtime!"
Me: "Um?"
Negotiations didn't go exactly according to the rules after that, but the upshot was, she did stay up an extra hour and drew, and I got a semi-promise from her that she'll go to bed at 10 every night this week, and sleep in in the mornings. She reserved the right to another late-night gig later this week. It may seem as if I lost more than I gained, but in truth, if she doesn't fight bedtime for a whole week, it will have been worth the concessions.
Now that's some good religious education!
Posted by: maya | April 10, 2006 at 09:16 AM
I really can't see my parents, who were rather Old School about some parenting things, using such a method. But on the other hand, if I stayed up til 2:30 or so reading, I still would get woken up and told, emphatically, to get ready for school. That I had disobeyed their insistent previous order to go to bed on time was of no concern anymore. Tired or chipper, it was off to school for me and that was it.
So six of one, half a light year of the other.
Posted by: Anthony | April 10, 2006 at 10:56 AM
Believe me, I feel the same way. I've made her go to school under cruel and unusual conditions like little sleep or the blues. But this is spring break. And if she undersleeps, she'll be cranky on OUR TIME. This, we cannot have.
Posted by: pam | April 10, 2006 at 11:07 AM
For the record, B has a bedtime of 9:00 on school nights. He's a fourth grader. All his friends get to stay up later, but they're probably not the cranky, irritable, grumpy thing that he is when his alarm goes off at 6:45. I've told him his bedtime stays at that hour until he gets up cheerfully and without any bleary-eyed crankiness. Yes, I am a terrible mother!
Posted by: Snow | April 10, 2006 at 12:43 PM
My Dad had an interesting formula. If I wanted (or weaseled into) to staying up, I have to do more chores.
Posted by: Scupper | April 10, 2006 at 05:32 PM
yeah, well just wait a few years and she'll never get up in the morning until you throw a bomb in and maybe not even then. oh, and even before then, remember to check for flashlights under the bed and etc.
this wouldn't be from personal experience, or anything. (remember those high-tensor lamp thingys? anybody else ever burn a laser-like hole in the sweater you were using as a beam deflector so you could read late "undetected?" "now, e, if you were shielding someone who was lighting a cirgarette, just tell me..." erm...)
Posted by: e | April 10, 2006 at 06:02 PM
High-tensor lamps? Holes in sweaters? e, please elaborate as a blog post, 'cause you lost me!
Posted by: pam | April 10, 2006 at 07:30 PM
Ooh.. the time change did us in. Boy Wonder is just wired and being schooled from home, doesn't have the "YOU WILL BE LATE FOR SCHOOL" alarm most kids have. Bed time is always a drill--even when he goes to bed happily, he finds a million reasons to still be awake 2 hours later. "Mom, it's when I do my best thinking." Brother.
I don't know--I say, go merrily down the stream. Truth is, parenting has evolved. Things are different than when we were brought up--I'm hoping it means he won't resent me as much as I did my over the top parents.
I'm wishful thinking, aren't I? ;) Just call me delusional!
Parenting is so difficult--especially when you have kids. Heh.
Posted by: Wende | April 10, 2006 at 10:21 PM
"Parenting is so difficult--especially when you have kids."
My Dad and his younger brother are about three years apart in age, but they had their kids about twenty years apart. One of the funniest things Dad ever said was, "I wish I could remember all of Danny's 'good advice' about parenting so I could give it back to him now."
Posted by: CmdrSue | April 13, 2006 at 05:40 PM