beancounters

I know why you're here ...

It's for the Easter games. Yes, I know. It's Saturday, you just downed five or six Peeps with your morning coffee, and now you're looking for something to amuse yourself with before the sugar and caffeine kick in. Admit it!

First, we have Egg Hunt. Your basic maze game. Challenging because it goes so flippin fast and there's a fairly chunky frustration factor working. We haven't gotten past Level 2 yet - we haven't gotten remotely near passing it! And we may give it up soon.

Next -- do you trust me? Yes? You do? Good. Okay. Now.

There's this egg, see. What you do is, you click on this little egg, then you draaag in the opposite direction from where you want it to launch, then you let go. There are levels and ladders and such. But it's the egg that makes this game so. darn. cute. Look at it! It has a hat! Even when it falls off the building, it's cute. Okay, I clearly need to lay off the Peeps here.

[Both games via my favorite kid.]

Easter candy madness

Pace yourselves, people. It's gonna be a long weekend.

[via]

At the drop of a hat

Shh. I'm so totally playing hookey from work today, so I can come to campus and use their programs to finish a stats project or two.

Thought I'd have to go to the library and muscle a couple of underclassmen for the privilege of using one of the library computers. Can you picture me? Move it Skippy - you can look at pornographic tattoos on Myspace anytime - I am on a deadline here!

But fortunately I came to a remote computer lab to check availability. And it's blissfully empty. Joy!

BB, if you're reading this, I'm sorry I got so cranky about missing papers this morning. They're totally replacable. And hell's bells, I might have moved them myself. As you always say, between the two of us, we have one working brain. :-) Give me a call. xx oo

We have the next five days programmed to within an inch of our lives. If we get through still talking to one another, it'll be a miracle.

Putting in my $.10 worth

I'm highly amused by the Anti-Pest Doorbell.

A dime must be inserted in the slot of this unit before the push button can be made to operate the bell. If the visitor is unwelcome, he or she loses the dime, but if a friend calls the housewife returns the dime after opening the door.

Well, houseperson, these days.

Movie stars especially, who are continually bothered by autograph seekers and salesmen, are finding that this tittle device adds considerably to their income.

Because we all know how little they pay movie stars.

Now that the rain appears to have finally stopped, the usual slew of salesmen peddling security alarms, frozen foods and electronic dog doors will turn up. Maybe I can get BB to install one of these doorbells?

But wait - what would stop them from knocking on the door for free? Dammit! [via]

Getting to YO

Told the story of my daughter negotiating her bedtime in class last night, because lo! We are studying negotiating techniques! Thus ever does my life imitate ... well, my life.

The class thought it was a funny story, but I am pretty sure that at least two classmates were sitting there wishing that my daughter had showed up to class, instead of me. Because earlier that evening, we had broken out into groups to practice our negotiating techniques in a hypothetical exercise, and holy frejoles, my partner and I were the world's. worst. negotiators. I'm telling you. We approached the bargaining table like two used car salesmen. It was ugly.

We did everything you're not supposed to do. We hardballed them. We lied to them. We good cop/bad copped them. We promised them that if they let us build 120 condo units in their town with no more than 10% designated as affordable housing, we would (cringe) arrange for an underground light-rail station within a block of the buildings, and ... yes ... throw in trash service to the moon.

In all fairness, my used car-salesman partner inserted that last crap, not me, but the damage was done. Our credibility was shot. Or, maybe it was shot when we told them we couldn't compromise on the number of units, and then compromised in the next breath. Or when I got disgusted because I thought they were lying to us. The opponants looked more and more incredulous as the night wore on. "Did you even READ the book?" they exclaimed. They barely spoke to us when it was all done.

Which is kind of funny, in retrospect. Mwheh-heh.

I think my partner's problem is, he didn't take the exercise seriously at all. And my problem? Um, temporary insanity?

What goes on in Westchester?

That Prof. Xavier, he do get around. First he and the X-Men get a lift from Capt. Picard & The Enterprise, then he's dating Vampirella, and meeting teh Pope ...? And of course, he's blogging it all.

If these were actual comic book plots, my brother and I would never have cancelled our subscription. [via]

A word of advice

When your bosses assure your team that they want you to "think outside the box", do not assume they've thought the whole thing through! Some of them still get mighty pissed off when you take it upon yourself to get your info by telephoning the agency director's office. For example.

I don't know why. Wasn't there a chapter in their management books that covered their employees climbing outside the box?

Easter, made large

Everybody's heard the story of the voracious were-rabbit that's robbing gardens in England.

But what's that giant rabbit really looking for?

The world's largest Easter egg, of course!

Just capture that were-rabbit and fly 'im to Canada. He'll take it from there.

Hey cheerleaders

Holy frejoles! The winning entry from HipsterCards.com's card caption contest was too hilarious not to share.

Shhhhaving cream

If you'd like to hear some belated April Fool's Day frivolity, Keith has uploaded his holiday-themed Scrinecast on two giant mp3 files. Go grab them, and then have some listening fun. Or if you would like me to burn you a copy (Mom), let me know!

Deconstructing Dawna

Wild! Just now in the "updated weblogs" section, up popped a blog written by Martha's Apprentice.

Already I have two major problems. One, the blog is a slick-looking thing, colored in Martha's signature green and turquoise, so you know it was designed by Omnimedia. How are we supposed to trust we're getting the good dirt if the blog is so obviously Officially Sanctioned?

And two, this woman only managed three blog posts in March. Three! What's that about? What kind of blog commitment does that signal? Is she claiming to have a life or something?

Yo, Dawna. You can either have a life, or you can be a blogger. Now choose!

Weekend misc and win/win

It was a nice weekend. Didn't rain, either, and stayed dry long enough for me to clip some geraniums and attempt to start them in tiny pots. Historically I have about a 50% success rate, so we'll see.

Bella the dog is feeling much better since her paw accident. Had her bandages changed last Thursday and was declared the picture of good health. Since then she's taken charge of her own convalescence. She's trying to chew her own bandages off. You know what that means: ON goes the cone collar. Flippin dogs! Occasionally they need reminding who's got the opposable thumbs in the family.

Its Spring Break this week. Last night, Bunnylou was literally bouncing around the house with happiness. Then came the hammer: bedtime at 9:30. No fair, Mom! It's vacation! She managed to stall until 10, but she really wanted to stay up until way later.

All serious now, she found a piece of paper she'd brought home from church, sat me down on her bed, and read to me. This paper turned out to be something they'd discussed in religious ed - methods that you should use to resolve conflicts and negotiate peacefully, called "Win/Win Rules". 

Define and identify the problem, it began. "Well," she said, "the problem is that I want to stay up later than ten."

Okay. "I see the problem as the fact you won't go to bed when I tell you to, and you're stalling."

Hmm. That didn't go so well. Together, we read the next rule. Share feelings. Use only 'I' messages. Don't place blame or refer to past events.

Bunny: "Since it's vacation, I am really looking forward to staying up late. I want to write a comic strip right now."

Me: "I am afraid you will get up at the normal time tomorrow and won't get enough sleep. I also get nervous when you are awake after I go to bed - which will be soon." Figured I might as well confess all my 'I' worries, since we were committed to this negotiating exercise, and any fool could see she was on her way to getting some of what she wanted anyway.

It also makes Bunny nervous to be the last one up. (Nobody ever knows when BB will go to bed.) So that last point was a sobering one. We moved on to the next rule, Brainstorm Solutions.

Bunny: "I could stay up a while, and draw my comic."

Me: "You could stay up until 11, I guess. But for the rest of the week, I'd expect you to go to bed on time."

Bunny: "Vacation bedtime, not school bedtime!"

Me: "Um?"

Negotiations didn't go exactly according to the rules after that, but the upshot was, she did stay up an extra hour and drew, and I got a semi-promise from her that she'll go to bed at 10 every night this week, and sleep in in the mornings. She reserved the right to another late-night gig later this week. It may seem as if I lost more than I gained, but in truth, if she doesn't fight bedtime for a whole week, it will have been worth the concessions.

Time for Frankenstein to dance?

See, on one hand, change is bad.

On the other hand, apparantly "The Producers" is really good.

On the other other hand, who can resistthese lyrics?

"He vus my boyfriend; He vould come home in a snit; He vould have a terrible fit; I am the first thing he vould hit but I didn't give a shit; He vus my boyfriend."

The Languid Anger of Peterbilt Nixon

It's Saturday, so you have time to read Udargo.com's latest, and spaciest, comic. The fact that it takes place near my home town? That's like, kismet, man.

Planarity: the anti-drug

Can you move the dots so that no lines are crossing? Yeah. Me neither. Come and sit by me! [via somebody with an LJ page who visited here at random]

Bean goes to the Capitol

Forbidden love
Originally uploaded by beancounter.

Is it wrong to have a crush on a building?

Part of yesterday's training on the legislative process was a surprise visit to the State Capitol. Score! I was the only one in the group with a camera. They marvelled. I felt like telling them, 'Hey, I'm a blogger. I've trained myself to carry a digital camera with me everywhere. I have Discipline Of Iron.'

Our tourguide, Brandon, took us around to offices, and even to the floor of the assembly and the senate. Gave us a great insider's look. At the end of the tour, he even passed out business cards to us all. 'I like to give tours to people who can affect change in our state,' he declared, which was over-stating our importance by a long shot but we loved him for it.

One non-legislative thing stuck out in my mind. He was telling us about Ahnold's star quality. 'No matter what you think of him politically,' Brandon confided, 'if he were to walk into this chamber right now, you'd all be like - 'and here he mimicked star-struck people fumbling for pen and paper to ask for autographs, and cameras to ask for pictures.

There I was, trying to hide my own camera, thinking, shit - that's how I already feel about the *whole building*. What more could Arnold's presence bring?

S is for Somebody

They're sending me to yet another training class today. WTF? Why do they think I need all these classes? Is there something they're not telling me? Am I just the dumbest cubicle-dweller in Sacramento?

Okay, okay, here's what really happens - employees who jump up and transfer out of my unit give up their training slots, but too late for the supervisor to cancel the class and get a refund. The supervisor wants somebody to go in place of the exiting employee, so we don't waste the tuition. So, just call me Somebody.

Actually, this almost makes me feel worse. Excellent.

Links to keep you happy while I am away:

Scrine: hobophobe (The comments are the best part)

Create your own IQ chart, using 60's TV characters or maybe disgraced GOP leaders. (Wait - the GOP leader thing might not work - there are only three slots!)

'The Big Win' - an upcoming commercial for the UK national lottery. [Quicktime needed.] Very engaging - it's a cross between Tim Burton and Dr. Seuss. And I bet the little song gets stuck in your head today.

Visits from Bella

We've had a little visitor the last few days. Behold Bella!

Bella is Neighbor Bill's dog. During the day she usually hangs out at Bill's house, of course, on the back porch with her brother Slash. But this weekend when they were out on a walk, she cut her paw very badly on some glass. After the visit to the vet, Bill was so worried about her, he wanted someone to babysit her during the day, so she has been coming over to hang out with BB and Daisy this week.

She's some kind of terrier mix, and her favorite thing in the world is to attempt to climb trees. One day she will make it all the way up a tree, oh yes. All the squirrels will have heart attacks that day. Normally she's usually such a live wire, we rarely get a good look at her. I have a dozen pictures of Bella - and they're all blurry. But the paw has slowed her down to the speed of normal dogs, so here ya go. The world's first non-blurry photo of Bella.

Daisy is VERY thrilled with the little guest. Oh, sure!

Seriously

The Thing
Originally uploaded by Dan Brekke.

It has rained SO MUCH that bizarre mushroomy things are starting to crop up our neighborhoods! Now Dan here can back me up on this.

Wanted: genuine Blogher bling

So, I did sign up to go to Blogher next July (stoked!), and I'd like to post a button on the sidebar, but so far I haven't been able to find one on the Blogher site. I wrote 'em but they haven't responded (yet).

Does anybody have a link to some buttons? Or own a button that I can commandeer? Thanks!

Later: The Elisa kindly wrote back in the comments section and explained there are no buttons as of yet. So I spent way too much time tonight creating my own. --> Can you tell I am ready for another road trip?