beancounters

Turning the tables

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[via Puddingstone M. Perpetuity]

Say what?

Put speech bubbles on your pictures, with the greatest of ease, with SayWhat!

In theory, this is a useful gadget for today's busy blogger. However, the page saves the photos as, um, invisible GIFs! You may have to copy the page into MSPaint, crop it and save it as a JPG. Which sort of defeats the convenience factor. That's why I gave this to you on a Saturday - you have plenty of time to tinker with it.

Take your pet peeve to work day

I'm listening to the men on the other side of the cubicle wall from me, about to crash some office affair. It's disgusting. If I were on speaking terms with them (or anybody), I would say this: Basically, guys, if you can't even pick the man out in a crowd, you shouldn't be attending his farewell party, especially if the only reason you stopped by is to see what kind of cake they're serving.

(It was chocolate. With that cream frosting that makes you see God. Yet I myself barely resisted. This time.)

* * * * *

I've noticed this about managers: when you overstretch their capabilities, they tend to return to the type of work they are familiar with and can do best. This has happened to my supervisor - they're shamelessly taking advantage of her burning need to pay her dues, by giving her the work of two people, for an indefinite length of time. Out of a sense of self-preservation, she's sort of reverted back to the skill-sets that saw her through her old job. Guess what, though. Her old job had nothing to do with this office. So she sort of phones in her obligations to us. We never see her. "Think outside the box," she constantly tells us, which we have finally learned is a euphamism for you're on your own, folks.

* * * * *

I have two more weeks before my probationary period is officially up, and they have to keep me forever. Wonder what I could do to sabotage my chances ... no, I'd better not even finish that thought. Besides, it'd take them longer than two weeks to notice anything amiss.

* * * * *

Damn, that cake looks good. Am I really SURE I don't know that guy from somewhere ...?

This one's for you, buddy

I'm not in an industry that rewards artistic creativity in any wayshapeorform, but if I were, I think this might be a great ice-breaking business card.

This padded cell could one day be yours

Too funny, you guys - it's Take Your Kid To Work Day, and I just had about 40 kids converging on my cubicle to rate its neatness!

Bunnylou and all these other kids are being given a tour by some of the cheerleaders in Admin. We could hear 'em coming from clear across the building. I stepped out to say hello - but it turns out they had been looking for me! Bunny knew we were near my section, and the cheery adults had been searching for parents who might be good-natured enough to let the kids peek into a real cubicle.

For a second I panicked, thinking I'd left Yahoo open - but no. Whew. Anyway, the kids gave my cubicle a 1, which meant very neat and tidy. (Remember I only keep one small box worth of detrius on my desktop.)

They've moved on now. I heard the head cheerleader joking with them. "You don't want to see MY office now, so we'll just move on ..." followed by a chorus of No's. They proceded to rate his office a dismally messy 8. Funny!

I wonder how many of these kids regard today's tour as an occupational warning?

For Scupper

EPA Didn't Know Anybody Was Still Drinking Water

WASHINGTON, DC—Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Stephen Johnson apologized during a press conference Tuesday for what critics called "flagrant oversight and neglect" in monitoring ground- and tap-water quality across the United States, claiming that his department was unaware that citizens were still consuming it. "I can honestly say we had no idea that anyone used faucet water anymore," Johnson said. "Bottled water, sure—I have some here on the lectern. But if there really are people out there still drinking tap water, all I can say is you're better off not knowing what's in there." Johnson added that official EPA policy is that Americans should stick to sports drinks.

I thought it was YOUR day to guard the Paramount boardroom

"Star Trek" franchise set for 2008 revival

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - More than three years after the last "Star Trek" movie crashed at the box office, the venerable sci-fi franchise is being revived [...]

Daily Variety said the action would center on the early days of "Star Trek" characters James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock, including their first meeting at Starfleet Academy and first outer-space mission.

[via]

My. God. Can we not let the dead rest in peace? Will these soulless Viacom suits stop at nothing? Are we so shortsighted? Are the bitter lessons we learned from producing Star Trek: Nemesis so easily erased from our fickle memories?!

Oh well. What's done is done. Dream team casting call in the comments section! I call Be/y/once Kno/wles as Uhura ...

A break from this so-called comedy for a personal note

Schoolwork. It's giving me blogger's block. Just so you know, it appears this week will be entirely anecdote-free.

I know, right? That's outrageous! I have no sense of priorities right now, I'm sorry. It gets to a point where I'm not sure what I am still trying to blog for. I sometimes forget what the world thinks is entertaining, seeing as how I am studying public policy, Nature's Least Funny Program.

hamster sudoku

Say, have we ever tortured ourselves with hamster sudoku? Powered by leveraged from Flickr, you can change the difficulty level and even the photo tags, for customized sudoku torture. W00t! [via] [And Mom, I command you: go here already and play a round. Seriously.]

'Step up, not out of the picture'

If you saw what looked like a child abduction on a city sidewalk, what do you think you'd do? What could you do? Here's a chilling video segment on NBC that's worth careful consideration.

Ugh

It cannot be Monday again already.

I'm going to get dressed, drive to work, see that the building is empty, and find out this is all some big misunderstanding. Then I'll come home and crawl back into bed. Yes.

Channelling Lennon

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A controversial television seance airing on Monday will claim it has reached the spirit of John Lennon, but viewers will have to pay $9.95 to find out what the peace-loving Beatle has to say.

You probably didn't know this, but I am occasionally psychic. And right now, I feel an otherworldly presence in the room ... A spirit manifestation from beyond ... it's Lennon! Ohmygosh! He wants to send a message!

He says, 'Yoko, get a real job, and quit selling off me knickers for rent money.'

Uncanny!

Check it out - he even let me take a free picture of his ectoplasm:

Update: Unfortunately, Yoko's already found my blog post, and wants you to know you are forbidden to download the ectoplasm JPG unless you send her $45 USD first. She's gonna give me her PayPal link here in a moment. 

Welcome to Jamland

It's Saturday, so you have time to read and solve some brand-new, fresh from the pen lateral thinking puzzles by Mr. Jam. Think of them as Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, without that awful ol' Bugs Meany showing up at the treehouse every five minutes. (I mean, did that boy not have a backyard of his own??)

Mom brings the funny:

Ten top ways to tell if Martha Stewart is stalking your dog

Great Scot!

You like? Design your own tartan here.

[via Chaos Theory]

Jurassic Valley

Whew - what a lot of driving the last two days. But totally worth it, as it helped my mother connect with a physician here in Sacramento's big hospital. I don't have permission to relate the details; suffice to say, she got good news.

So, I'm driving along Highway 99, and I have time to spare, and I see I am close to a big outdoor furniture business that you can see from the road. I admire it, as I always do, during the few seconds I have to glance at it. The place always looks like it has a large and eclectic mix of stuff. And I think to myself, as I always do, gee I ought to stop in, one of these trips.

Here's what I saw that made me finally stop.

It's about 10 feet tall, made of rusted metal, and is totally intimidating to stand underneath, even knowing it's just a sculpture.

Imagine buying it. Where would you put it?

Birthday comment-a-thon

Thanks for the birthday wishes, everybody. You are (collectively) da bomb!

I offered to tell you my age if we reached 43 comments. Unfortunately, I just remembered I do not have 43 readers; the odds of reaching this goal are slim at best. So, I guess you'll never know!

Indubitably

You scored as Elinor Dashwood. As Marianne's older sister, Elinor lives at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She rarely reveals her intense feelings and is more concerned with being honest and loyal than having what she deserves. Even though her intentions are pure, she sets herself up for loss by constantly placing other people before her own needs. Overall, Elinor is gentle and rational but is just as capable of radical emotions (despite her withholding them) as her sister. Elinor Dashwood 75% Elizabeth Bennet 66% Jane Bennet 63% Emma Woodhouse 41% Marianne Dashwood 38% Charlotte Lucas 38% Lady Catherine 13% Which Jane Austen Character are You? (For Females) Long Quiz!!! created with QuizFarm.com

A spiffing good quiz! [Thanks, Snowball]

Many happy returns

It's that time of year already ...

Time to wish your friend the Beancounter a Happy Birthday!

And if 43 people leave comments on this post, I promise to tell you how old I am.

BB and Bunnylou made much of me on Sunday, the day ahead, because today (Monday) there won't be time for a proper amount of frivolity. Which is cool. As you know, all the good birthdays take a couple of days to celebrate. I even finished my quantitative homework on Saturday, so I could spend the day with these guys. 

Here's my daughter, all day Sunday, patronizing and arm-patting me: "Mom, when you get your present? You can keep the wrapping paper." I rolled my eyes whenever I heard that, and repeated it for the benefit of any adult nearby. "Oh boy, I get to keep the wrapping paper." One woman murmured politely about what nice wrapping paper is available nowadays. Sheesh!

Well it turned out that my presents had been stuffed into a new gym bag; that was the "wrapping paper" I get to keep. Ah ha! Nine: the golden age of the creative birthday clues.

Today I'll spend the day with my mother, but for an unusual reason: she has a doctor's appointment in Sacto which I am taking her to. It'll mean a lot of time on the road, but I have a new (to me) Ben Folds CD for road music. Plus it'll be a privilege to squire my mom around. She even agreed to spend the night, as long as she can watch '24'.

Fork over the Cadbury's

I'm telling ya. Easter is starting to surpass Christmas for sheer volume of free chocolate.

It's everywhere, folks. You can't turn a corner without finding some big plastic egg that holds a buncha pastel foil wrapped Hershey's kisses.

Sure, you gotta wrestle a preschooler or two for said eggs, which is kind of a bummer thing to do and makes you look really bad to the church mothers, but MY POINT IS ... um ... there's a lot of chocolate around. Yes.