beancounters

The butter of invention

LONDON (Reuters) -

Ever get frustrated with fresh-out-of the-fridge butter that is too hard to spread?

A UK-based company has launched a portable, temperature-controlled butter dish, ButterWizard, which keeps butter at what it says is the optimal spreadable temperature of 65 degrees Fahrenheit.

It has a built-in fan and a chip which together control the temperature, adjustable for different textures, be it super-soft bread, crusty toast or delicate biscuits.

Is there an device that will remind me to take the new cube of butter out of the refrigerator when the old one runs low? How about a covered butter dish with a built-in sensor that directly tells the refrigerator when to pop out a new cube? That would be a helpful invention.

Cafeteria-style

Here at Beancounters, the last few days have been an absolute bust, comments-wise. Not that I'm bitter. I mean, sure, I do publish so that other people will come here and read me and give me feedback and stuff. No feedback, no reason for living blogging. But whatever.

I don't know. I'm easy. Over to you: What do you want to talk about? Choose all that apply:

a) "I want to talk about my pressing need for a kicky and slightly ironic holiday-themed .jpg to add to my banner."

b) "The injustice of the fact that a few so-called researchers made names for themselves reporting that fat bottoms need longer hypos than skinny bottoms, when I am swamped at work and nobody here even knows my name, and my big claim to fame in this world is a blog where I am still forced to use a pseudonym."

c) "Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line?"

4) "I just discovered the greatest passive-aggressive technique for blocking the voices of nearby cubicle dwellers at the office - I read aloud to myself! Whatever I'm reading, it doesn't matter - technical manuals, BCPs, anything I have to concentrate on. Sure I may look crazy to some, but the cool people will instantly realize I'm making a searing social commentary about the plight of marginalized wage-earners. Now, bottom line: is there any money in this?"

%) "I'm still waiting for your sestina to George Lucas, and I won't take 'oh I've got fiiiinals' for an answer."

f) Other (include diagrams)

Mather Field

A bunch of us that belong to a Flickr pool agreed to do photo essays of a particular place in Sacramento County - in this instance, Mather Field, the ex-Air Force base that's making a second life for itself. The photo essay idea was a really fun one - I hope we can do it again soon.

Anyway, here's my photo set on Mather. Somewhere in there you'll find my roller skating daughter. She's mad for skating, I tell you. Monday morning, we were getting ready for school and work, and I had my head in the fridge, and I heard wheels rolling on the kitchen floor. I pulled up, ready to snap at her - but the wheels turned out to be the ones on her rolling backpack.

"Would you have been mad if I'd been wearing my skates?" she asked.

"No - but knowing you, I would not have been surprised."

The thing about Mather (pronounced with a long a, soft th) is that to the south of the property are spectacular vernal pools that have never been touched by development. All that may change soon - now that the base is closed, that land is being eyed greedily by developers who want to install even more suburban sprawl.

Band-spotting

Can you name all 75 bands referred to in this picture? I figured out about 18 of them; surely you can do better. Give it a try. [Answer key here.]

New job: the metaphor

Good morning. I trust you're all back at your desks and blearily facing another business day. Me, I've still got an hour or so.

My new job is an old-fashioned train at the station, spitting steam and chugging, wheels spinning, in an effort to get traction and start the whole heavy load inching along the track.

What will make the train move faster is knowledge. What will slow the train is the fact that we new people must find almost every scrap of knowledge for ourselves before we can move forward even an inch. Tasks are like a scavenger hunt that way, because we don't know what we don't know, if you get me. Frustrating. I mean, yes, yes, I know I'm an analyst and I will figure things out, but seriously - have these people never heard of an orientation?

And yes, I speak to my supervisor every day, so it's not that I'm my usual passive-aggressive self about a foreign place, thank you darling. She says she knows it's slow-going, but she anticipated that it would be. So I guess this is life; I'm officially sucking it up these days.

The pathologically cheerful woman I described earlier did, in fact, calm down substantially after the first day, and turns out to be an interesting companion. We have a pact to share all that we scavenge.

UU humor: Converting the world, one coffee cart at a time

Anthony and I were speculating: what if the Unitarian-Universalists and the Unification Church (the Moonies) merged? It might wind up looking something like this: 

JOIN US (as you are willing and able)

FOR THE FIFTH INTERNATIONAL

UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALIST-UNIFICATION CELEBRATION OF

THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE TRUE PARENTS

REV. SUN JUNG MOON AND HIS WIFE ARE OUR BELOVED TRUE PARENTS (defined here in the traditional sense of one man as “father”, one woman as “mother”, joined in matrimony under the current laws stemming from a paternalistic tradition; you may wish to consider accepting the Moons as “parents” in a rhetorical sense if they did not literally conceive or adopt you), WHOM WE OBEY WITH ABSOLUTE FAITH AND UNSWERVING FEALTY (after a heartfelt personal quest) AS THE BRINGERS OF THE ONE WHITE TRUTH (which is not intended to malign truths of other colors).

OUR CELEBRATION WILL BRING TOGETHER UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALIST-UNIFICATIONISTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD (if they choose to attend) TO WORSHIP THE TRUE PARENTS AND PARTICIPATE IN A COMPULSORY(-ish) COLLECTIVE PRAYER (&/or interpretive dance) WHICH WILL HASTEN THE COMING OF THE DAWN OF A NEW GLOBAL ERA OF THEIR GLIMMERING BENEVOLENT RULE (following a quorum and fair election, and with the understanding that we will never impinge upon the rights and values of non-UUU members) !!!!!!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1, 9:00 A.M.

LUNCH WILL BE SERVED, SPONSORED BY

THE SIBLINGS OF OUR GLORIOUS CAUSE & COFFEE CART COMMITTEE

Ask your doctor

It's Saturday, so you have time to see if the new wonder-drug Panexa is right for you.

PANEXA is a prescription drug that should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion. For patients with coronary heart condition (CHC) or two separate feet (2SF), the dosage of PANEXA should be doubled to ensure that twice the number of pills are being consumed. PANEXA can also be utilized to decrease the risk of death caused by not taking PANEXA, being beaten to death by oscelots, or death relating from complications arising from seeing too much of the color lavender. Epileptic patients should take care to ensure tight, careful grips on containers of PANEXA, in order to secure their contents in the event of a seizure, caused by PANEXA or otherwise.

[via]

Post T-day wrap-up + gratuitous dog-blogging

Uff. Post-Thanksgiving day, and I have had a food hangover all day. You know what I mean. Yes, you do. It's where you're still astoundingly full from yesterday, but you crave eating more food. You think more food will make you feel better - the hair of the dog thing, except with some leftover dark meat or a few oatmeal cookies, or some chips.

And no matter how many times I go to the pantry, there are still no decent chips in there! None! There are only pretzel logs! Heaven knows why pretzel logs. Why did I ever buy a bag of pretzel logs, why? As post-Thanksgiving penitence food, that's why. Well, I don't need penitence food, dammit, I need hair of the dog. Let's see if there's any ice cream. brb

Mmmph. Yum. Okay. So. The high point of Thanksgiving at my FIL's mobile was a woman who became so charmed with Bunnylou, she wanted to take her home. "Just what I always wanted: a girl, and a veternarian!" Bunny held out for a substantial raise in her allowance, then said yes. But the deal fell through: when it came to BB and me, the woman totally low-balled us. These amateur negotiators.

The low point was when Daisy peed on a bedspread. Seriously. My FIL's lady friend was pretty gracious about it, but there was no doubt that BB and I were called in to the crime scene in order to remedy the situation, immediately. So we bundled the bedspread in our trunk. We'll take it to the laundromat next week. It's too big for a conventional machine. I don't know what else we could have done. We're confused and bemused about Daisy - she's over 2 years old now. She had plenty of opp to take care of business outside. Is she still so easily inflamed by strange houses? Was it deliberate marking? Or did the papillion in residence frame her?

The devil you know

Covert Satanist Pat Robertson Flashes Devils Hand.

This explains so much. [via]

T-day dessert: squishy pumpkin pies

I'm not happy with the pumpkin pies I made last night. Oh, they're probably going to taste good, but they're very much on the soggy side. What happened was, I used previously frozen pumpkin instead of canned. The pumpkin was much too liquidy for the recipe, but I didn't realize that at the time. Also? I poured 12 ozs of condensed milk into a bowl before reading that it should only have been five! But in this case, I managed to skim most of the milk right back out, so that mistake probably doesn't count.

Heck. Maybe I will make another dessert before the trip. I have lots of pumpkin left. Maybe a pumpkin spice cake. I'm pretty good with cakes. And I've learned my lesson re: the liquidity factor ...

Naah. They'll be fine. They're cooked enough - just a little squishy. Plus, I have whipped cream for the top. Whipped cream covers a multitude of sins! (Mwheh-heh.)

Well, happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope you spend the day surrounded by your family and friends, with or without the whipped cream.

I hope it isn't on the final

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

Only 7 out of 8? I bet it was the neutron question. I could never keep the properties of a molecule straight.

Improving your looney image

One of the guards at the front desk makes little remarks to himself throughout the day, a la Kreacher the house elf in HP5.

It got me to thinking how easy it would be to get away with talking to yourself all the time in public. Just clip a cell phone to your belt, and put one of those wireless Uhura-things on your ear.

People wouldn't think you're a crazy loon - just rude. Sure-fire! If you consider that an improvement, I mean.

Beam me up, mother ship

Trying to gain some footing again, after the emotional roller coaster ride of the last work week. I feel like someone with no opinions of my own. Everybody who truly loves me tries not to give me advice, because I might drop everything and take it. Those who like me just a little have no such compunction; they offer advice and hope to watch me drop everything and take it.

Feh.

Just so you know how insane I've gotten, I took an application back to the mother ship Monday at noon. That's right. I'm still of a mind to try for a promotion back at my old agency.

I promise though, that I will not try and regain my old job at my old department. I do have some convictions. I saw Alien Secty and Marsha, who brought me up to date on the gossip. Lobbyists and consultants out in the private industry actually captured the department and made it their bitch years ago. Today's visit brought home to me that I hated to work there and watch the continued degeneration of my little department.  There's nothing there for me anymore.

But I should have worked on getting a promotion at the mother ship before taking this new job. It's been bugging me. So I'm working on this avenue to see what develops. It probably seems scoundrelly. Try and understand.

E-cards for discerning grownups

Wow - you have to check out the Dover website. The collection of free e-cards is diverse and beautiful - and not a single cutesy kittycat anywhere.

Went looking for a service like this a while ago. Made the mistake of using the word "adult" in the search engine query, and, well, let's just say, if I'd sent those kind of greetings, it would have revolutionized many a relationship.

HP4: S.P.E.W. MIA

I can't gather my one or two thoughts about HP4 long enough to blog them. Basically, excellent relationship movie (thanks, Mike Newell). If you love Hogwarts and the kids who attend, you'll love this movie very much. The dark parts were as scary as they were supposed to be. But I weep for the stuff they left out! Even days later, we'll be walking along, thinking about other things, when someone will blurt "Hey! No quidditch!" and the rest of us will get bummed all over again.

Still, what're ya gonna do? That book was heeyuge. And a two-movie production would have been unthinkable. Luckily, Rowling had begun to pare down her books a bit after #4.

I'm wishing

It's Saturday, so you have plenty of time to pore (pour?) over these scanned photos of the 1979 Sears Wish Book. [via BoingBoing]

Did you study every page of the wish book when you were a kid, and circle things, and make your Xmas list off of this book? My brother and I did. This collection really takes me back. In 1979, I was too old for all the Pooh stuff on these pages, but I probably would have worn a set of geniune Mork suspenders for a day or two ...

Saturday roundup

We're going to HP4 this morning! I was amazed that BB could even get tickets online last night ... then we realized that our theatre will be showing the thing on four screens. There's a show starting every 30 minutes. Aaah. It all makes sense.

Anyway, can't go to Maya's party tonight without having seen HP4. She and Savvy have already seen it and will be obnoxiously enthusiastically talking it up. Better to join 'em than try and ignore 'em.

So, work. This has been a rough first week. It was long periods of boredom punctuated by crying jags in my car, as it hit me what a big change I've made. I've been lonely for my dysfunctional office family. I miss my work - odd because I was so very bored with my work before this week.I tried to be honest with myself and admit that I don't miss the work I did, just the fact that I knew what I was doing. I was very knowledgable about the industry - seven years in one agency will do that for you!

But on Friday, after getting much bolstering advice from BB, Anthony, and (heaven help us) Steven C0vey, I remembered the positive side of this move. I got slightly more relaxed and learned to love the job. A bit more at least. Now I've moved from "job sucks" to "job less than sucks" on the Suckometer, if you'll forgive a lapse into LiveJournalSpeak. I was even able to call and bitch to Alien Secty. without fear of suddenly sobbing brokenly on the phone.

"You can always come back," she teased.

"No, I can't. Y'all gave me a big party and a gift. I can't come back without losing face," I replied, "which was probably your evil plan to begin with."

She didn't deny it. Ah ha! The truth comes out!

Now to turn my mind to Thanksgiving. As usual, we're not cooking, but traveling - I believe we're responsible for bringing pies to BB's folks' house this year. Then next Saturday we'll visit my mom - no word yet on what we'll be expected to bring.

Our two families spoil us. One day in the distant future, when we're near retirement age, Thanksgiving will finally be held at our house, and a collective panic will seize us all - we won't know how to conduct ourselves. We'll make our guests eat in their cars, outside on the curb, out of grocery bags and styrofoam deli trays.

Haymaking in history

[via Roxanne]

Haymaker

You are one of life’s enjoyers, determined to get the most you can out of your brief spell on Earth. Probably what first attracted you to atheism was the prospect of liberation from the Ten Commandments, few of which are compatible with a life of pleasure. You play hard and work quite hard, have a strong sense of loyalty and a relaxed but consistent approach to your philosophy.

You can’t see the point of abstract principles and probably wouldn’t lay down your life for a concept though you might for a friend. Something of a champagne humanist, you admire George Bernard Shaw for his cheerful agnosticism and pursuit of sensual rewards and your Hollywood hero is Marlon Brando, who was beautiful, irascible and aimed for goodness in his own tortured way.

Sometimes you might be tempted to allow your own pleasures to take precedence over your ethics. But everyone is striving for that elusive balance between the good and the happy life. You’d probably open another bottle and say there’s no contest.

What kind of humanist are you? Click here to find out.

I'd've gauged myself as more easygoing than even this description. For instance, the question about my kid in a nativity play? They didn't include my favored answer - I'd be charmed to see Bunny cast in a nativity play, but I'd devote at least one dinner conversation to the nativity legend throughout history. Also, I'd swap with another parent for sewing duties, because oddly, I don't make clothes - only quilts.

Interesting quiz and not the normal superficial Quizilla variety. But I'm not an atheist. Atheism is as restrictive a box as fundamentalism. Are the terms 'humanist' and 'atheist' interchangable?

The future of blawg

You Know a Lot About Blogging

You got 5/8 correct! Your not a total blogging geek yet... give it time.

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

[via 8/8 Daisy]

I'm envisioning a blog-competence quiz written in the year 2020. Besides the eight questions listed, it will include something like this:

9) Which of these celebrities had a prototype neurblog (neural-implant blogging device) permanently installed in her cerebral cortex? a) Frances Cobain, b) Lourdes Richie, c) Apple Paltrow-Martin

10) What is the name of young Ron Holmes-Cruise's moblog? a) Thetans Ate My Brain, b) Hubbar'd, c) Undisclosed Location: One Kid's Break From Sciento1ogy [Now In Its Second Year]

Courtesy of the goth decorating channel

The house where it's Halloween ... all year long ... Mwah-ha-ha-haaa!

Kitchen: In spite of the cabinetry, the white walls mean they're either not fetishists, or they're trying to put the house back on the market.

How do you accessorize a place like this? Anyone? I mean, cookware from Wa1-Mart just isn't doing it justice.