Don't quitcher day job

Well, that sucked. One room, three women across the table from me. They were looking for particular skill-sets (trainng and curriculum development) which I simply don't have. I threw all the junk I could muster at them from my generic experiences as a trained adult, but I doubt it even cracked the veneer.

Now comes the part of the day I hate: my brain will feverishly make up interview questions for the rest of the day.

Made-Up Interviewer: Ms. Beancounter, what experience will you bring to the making of this sandwich?

Me: I have strong sandwich-making skills. My first job was as an apprentice sandwich-maker for a residence with specific and exacting lunch needs. From there, I branched out into my own company, where I have been in charge of lunch needs for gatherings both large and small. I recently became proficient at making sandwiches for young children. The key to success is communication and a commitment to de-crust the bread.

M-U I: What is your position on peppercorns in the salami?

Me: Personally, I have always taken an anti-peppercorn stance, but recognize the need to be flexible when producing sandwiches on a large-scale basis.

M-U I: What are your condiment strengths and weaknesses?

Me: Oh, ha-ha, I never know what to say to that question! [Pause for laugh] I think my strengths are the levels and smoothness of the mayonnaise and mustard. My weakness? Well, I've always been partial to sweet relish. [Laugh]

Comments

[pops]

I went to one of these once. A recruiter sent me saying the job was a perfect match for my skills set but when I got there my troika had no idea what the job was about and we kinda aimlessly talked. They got madder and madder every time I asked for specifics about what the job really was. (To this day I have no idea what they were looking for.) Eventually I was given an extremely dirty look and told to "leave now."

About three months laterI ran into a guy I used to work with and he'd been to the same place, met with the same three, and got shown the door as well when he asked the same questions.

What company was it?

Let's just say they used to be known in SoCal for their little orange antenna balls.

[Jo]

You had an interview with the Great Pumpkin?

And Pam: Let's talk specialization. Nutty? Or smooth?

[pam]

Pops, clearly your headhunter neglected to give you the secret handshake. With it, I fear, the interview would have taken a very different tack, and you would have soon been asked to delve into the unsavory career of "wet work".

[Anthony]

Look, this is very easy to fix: give me the names and adresses of these vile, Eris-defacing heathens and me and my Sicilian relatives will DEAL WITH THEM IN THE TRIED AND TRUE MEDITERANNEAN WAY!
Such nerve: wasting the time and training of our Pam by refusing to even recognize her superlative sandwich-construction skills, not to mention her utterly FABULOUS way with wheat bread and chipotle mayo!

[pam]

Knock it off, sweetie. You are beginning to sound like a cultist.

[Anthony]

I am NOT a cultist. When I go into the subways I leave my nerve gas at home and I NEVER have apocalyptic showdowns with Federal agents! I am only interested in the Truth of Pam and I am prepared to suffer for my beliefs, EVEN at the hands of She Who Must Be Resubmitted In Proper State Format!
But, OK, let's talk about Daisy for a change....