Andy Borowitz: Tom Cruise Bids Farewell to Earth
Returns to Planet of Origin on Eve of Film’s Debut
Actor Tom Cruise stunned the worlds of cinema and space travel today, bidding Earth farewell forever as he returned to his planet of origin.
At a launch pad on the outskirts of Malibu constructed specifically for his intergalactic journey, Mr. Cruise spoke briefly to friends, well-wishers, and Larry King, who was covering the launch for CNN.
"Farewell, earthlings," Mr. Cruise told the crowd. "My work here is done."
[via Baristanet]
Too easy. Also ignores radical contradiction inherent in the notion that IF TC is from another planet, how could said species be intelligent enough to even build spaceships if TC is representative example of species. And really, such short aliens. No glamour whatsoever....
Posted by: Anthony | June 30, 2005 at 07:27 AM
The Interplanetary Travel Division just lets anyone in now-a-days, don't they.
Posted by: Sheryl | June 30, 2005 at 11:49 AM
Is Tom really gay? His new young thing has been really fooled if so! BTW, other than Mission Improbable and risky business, is there anyone more wooden? Yes, I know. Adam West and Lee Majors.
Posted by: BB | July 01, 2005 at 09:31 AM
Adam West made wooden acting stylish (and I think he was quite aware of his own pomposity); Lee Majors will always be the 6 Million Dollar Man (we can't take that away from him). But Cruise? Yeegh--let's hope he isn't gay; the community is still reeling in shock from Queer Eye and Rich Merritt (explanantion provided upon request).
Best Tom Cruise movie you'll likely never see: "Losin' It"--a poignant coming of age movie with Shelley Long (!) set in poignant Mexico. Makes "Eyes Wide Shut" look like a Stanley Kubrick film. Oh wait...
Worth seeking out as an extremely embarassing reminder that at one time TC would do any project which came his way; not quite as embarassing for Long, who, as I recall from the ONE time I actually saw it, manages to retain some of her dignity throughout it.
Posted by: Anthony | July 05, 2005 at 06:42 AM