beancounters

Thurs. misc.

BB's mobility has improved to the point where he can use his walker to get almost anywhere in the house and yard. The swelling in the leg has gone down a lot, thanks to major antibiotics. He's more comfortable in one position for longer periods of time. I still fetch for him, but yesterday I had plenty of time to study and watch a video lecture for class. We see light at the end of the tunnel.

I missed last night's econ class, but made great strides - without falling asleep once! - through a singularly uninspired book about a county that went bankrupt in the mid-90's. Some would say that if I'm looking for a graduate program where the reading materials are urbane and engaging, I could do faaar better than Public Policy. Some would go on to say if I really wanted to see such material, I'd better write it myself! Well, maybe I will. Maybe one day I'll write a textbook on this county bankruptcy, that reads like a parody of Sweeney Todd.

The econ class lecture will appear online sometime today, so I can watch it and keep up with the class that way. I hope Back-of-Pam's-head fans won't be too disappointed that this is the second week their idol will not appear.

So, I'm in the market for a new futon. Does anybody here know what to look for/ask for in the way of a nice, comfortable mattress these days? The last time I bought one was in the late 80's, when buying a futon was a conventional way to embrace the ascetic lifestyle. In other words, that sucker is as bad as concrete to sleep on.

Arnold Does Japan

Governor Arnold shows his whimsical side in this Japanese commercial. Now, he made this when he was a young action movie star, right? And not during his recent economy-building trips out of state? Should I dare to presume? Or should we look for campaign contributions from Japan to show up on the books?

[Thanks (I guess) to Lee]

Where cult meets the arcane

You'll get a kick out of this - a tarot deck based on the movie "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls".

Unfortunately, it looks as though there's only one set in existence ...

I made this tarot set of the major arcana based on characters from the movie back in 1993 and made one full set of prints. I sent those to Russ Meyer. He called me from his house in Palm Springs and loved them so much he wanted me to come by and have lunch with him. He told me to bring my girlfriend too... especially if she had big tits.

Maybe this guy could be persuaded to produce a few more sets. Because really. Though the man is Gone, his legacy should live on.

Gimp update

Just to keep you up to date on my two gimps, if you're keeping tabs:

Bunny saw the doctor yesterday. The MRI shows a lesion on an ankle bone, where blood has stopped feeding the little bone after her injury. (Not broken, and not anything we could have known about without an MRI. Call off the guilt trip in this regard, at least.) Doctors might attempt an operation on an adult, but not on a kid - an operation could stunt the bones' growth. Instead, they'll monitor the situation and trust that her "exuberant blood" will find another path to supplying the bone. She'll get PT besides, and she'll have to be a booted wonder for many months to come. ::sigh::

BB's thrombosis concerns were dispelled yesterday in ER. Then they turned around and filled his head with morbid images of "worst-case scenarios". Thanks a lot, you ghouls. Happily, his surgeon today assured us BB is recuperating quite well. He's on a strong antibiotic, and even stronger painkiller. A note from BB to all of you: "Perc0set rocks."

Oh, and as far as studying goes ... not much is going on. Something had to give this week, didn't it?

Oh the world we live in

When BB's in the back bedroom, and we're in the kitchen, we can't hear him call. We can't hear the bell I put next to his bed, nor any manner of thumps or bumps.

The solution we hit upon is, when he needs something, he rings the house using his cell phone.

This may seem like normality for most, but I'm sorry, I never thought I'd live to see the day when a person would be able to call other family members in the same house on a different phone. When I was a kid, such an idea would have been considered the height of decadence!

How was YOUR day?

To-do list:

1. Get Bunny out of bed, fed, dressed, and to school by 8:20
2. Go to grocery store for misc. items of great importance
3. Help BB with his first at-home bath; fiddle with mysterious workings of bathtub bench until BB points out secret .007 component that makes bench finally cooperate
4. Put together beef stew ingredients in crock-pot
5. Help BB get ready for in-home nurse visit
6. Meet in-home nurse; find out nurse is not "dog person"; practice diplomacy by keeping dog in kitchen while nurse and BB confer
7. Greet father in-law, who will sit with BB while I take Bunny to a doctor's appointment for her possibly fractured ankle
8. Start making sandwiches for lunch
9. Get informed by in-home nurse that BB must go to emergency room immediately, because of possible thrombosis
10. Get reassured by nurse that BB is in no immediate danger and that this is not a panic situation
11. Panic

Psycho-nurse movies

So, the idea is to compile a list of movies featuring psycho-nurses who prey on the infirm, for BB's viewing pleasure. Here's what we've come up with so far. Can anybody think of others? Leave a comment; we'll add them to the list. Then we'll rank them in psycho order.

One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest

Misery

Dolores Claiborne (a stretch, perhaps)

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Monday at home

Looks like I'll be home all week. Between BB's home nurse visits and other care, it's really necessary.

A nurse is here right this minute. Doesn't look at all like Ratchet. She and BB are going over his post-op symptoms and the meds he's taking.

One nice thing - I hope - is if I can get caught up on schoolwork. A whole weekend of errands and no reading, and suddenly I feel swamped. I have a paper due in a week, for which I must finish a book about Orange County's bankruptcy. Meanwhile, my econ classmates are posting comments to each other about a topic I've never heard of in my life. They got it from the lecture I missed last week. So I have to watch the lecture online and make copious notes, and do my reading for next lecture (which I'll also watch online). I feel like the treadmill is just revving up, yet I'm barely able to keep running.

Tonight's Intro to Public Policy class is online - unusual for this class. Our prof posted questions which will get the ball rolling. I will have to sit at the computer basically uninterrupted for a few hours. This is where a babysitter comes in. This will be her first evening with us. We've arranged it so that every Monday, she will get dinner (pre-made) for Bunny and BB, help Bunny with homework and bedtime, and leave around 8:30. It's nice that on this first night, I'll be here at the house to answer questions. Now I need a sitter who's available on Wednesdays, and I'll be all set.

(No, Anthony, I do not want to make a list of movies about psycho babysitters. I know that's what you were about to offer. Thanks anyway!)

Home again

Well, he's home! When I went to the hospital yesterday morning, they were ready to release him. So there was no phone call I could pretend I hadn't heard, heh. Sneaky nurses.

BB has a massive, hideous-looking Frankenstein cut down his leg. Must be 12 inches. (I'll spare you from seeing a picture with the bandage off.) It's a powerful reminder that he didn't just have something surgically altered; he had whole bones taken out and replaced with components Nature never intended. If ever I get impatient in the coming weeks, I'll try and remember this, and keep in mind how far he has to go to recover.

He can walk pretty well, using a walker, moving eight inches at a time. By "pretty well", I mean "can get from point A to point B in order to pee". It hurts him like hell and he'd just as soon not do it, but of course you can't have that attitude.

Bunny playdates

I am kidless for the morning. Bunny's off to watch her friend practice soccer. She's happy; I'm happy. O joy! Whoever thought up playdates for kids should be canonized. Provided they're dead by now, which, if they had to host a lifetime's worth of playdates, they may well be.

Sung to the tune of "Johnny Angel"

Bunny playdates
How I love them
How I love it on a Saturday
When a soccer mom will call and
Take Girl away

Here’s your backpack
And your sunscreen
And a five in case you go to lunch
And my cell phone number just in case
There’s a crunch

I go shopping
I study a book
I do the things I did
Before I had a kid
Other mommies
They may have a bad time
This leisure I have earned
Next week will be my turn

For Bunny playdates
How I love them
Buckle up and be polite I say
Now I have the time to be a
Grown-up today.

Star Pants

Terrible. And so immature. But they made me laugh!

Top 25 Lines in Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting the word "Pants"

1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2. You are unwise to lower your pants.
3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.

Feel for me!

I bought "Star Wars" on Tuesday, but haven't had time to crack it open yet!

Wednesday evening was a Br0wnies informational meeting; last night involved a visit to the hospital, followed by homework partially done at the table of the nearby family restaurant. My daughter and I are exhausted. She was too droopy to read the homework instructions at breakfast. I wrote a heart-rending note to her teacher, to get her out of finishing her math homework today. She'll catch up this weekend; together we will explore the wonderful world of cups, pints, quarts, and gallons. (Say, weren't we supposed to be on the metric system by this time? Outrageous. It's a conspiracy of silence! Should have added that to the note.)

At breakfast, I recited a little list that cheered both of us up. It went like this:

Me: This evening. You. Me. Soup. Cheese. Crackers. "Star Wars". Couch. Cuddling.

Bunny: Dinner ... couch?

Me: No. Table. Then couch.

Bunny: Deal!

Saw BB again this morning. Took him a cup of strong coffee and a homemade cookie from N. Bill. BB's made remarkable progress. All tubes are out, both above and below (eww). He's off of morphine. His fever is almost gone. He showed me he's able to stand by himself with only the bed for support. The nurses think he'll be even farther along by this evening. Lemme hear ya say Woo! I told him I am quite impressed, and am seriously considering actually picking him up when he's released. :-)

Great bloggers think alike

Sacre bleu! Check out 09h09. A blogger in France takes a picture every day at nine minutes past nine in the morning. Sounds sort of familiar!

They is the Mother of Invention

Do you suppose Karen has heard about this? The scary grammar implications might drive her around the bend.

The former Andrew Wilson, a 43-year-old self-employed inventor, was granted legal permission last week by a circuit judge to change his name.

It's just They, no surname.

They said he did it for humor to address the common reference to "they."

Also loved this tidbit, thrown in at the end of the article:

His newest product is "Shades Eyewear," which have a built-in visor over each sunglass lens. The visors protect the eyes from glare without having to wear a hat, he said.

Personal little shades for your eyes! That could work! I would totally buy these glasses. They has a real head for invention, They does.

Can we bring Refrigerator Perry home with us?

BB's surgeon cheerfully told me BB could be ready for release from the hospital on Saturday. That, o faithful reader, is day after tomorrow. The problem I'm having with this is, BB still needs a linebacker-sized PT just to move from bed to chair. Now, I'm a very strong woman, but hello, let's be realistic. Let's not release him until he can at least move around by himself with the walker.

I might not have a vote in this, but one thing I do have: the car keys. Mwheh-heh. What if I simply fail to pick him up from the hospital at the appointed time? What could they realistically do?

Nurse: Mrs. Beancounter, we're calling to remind you that BB's release time will be 3:00 p.m.

Me: Ooh, was that today? I've got a pedicure at three. How's tomorrow work for you?

Nurse: I'm sorry, but the release time ...

Me: Wha? I can't hear you! Sorry, but YOU'RE BREAKING UP. I'M GOING INTO A TUNNEL N--

Nurse: Hmm, that's funny. I was calling her home phone.

The DNC's secret agenda - REVEALED

Way to go, Lane, now the world knows. Oy!

A little to the left

Well, I spent part of the morning at the hospital with BB. When I arrived he was sitting in a chair, finishing breakfast. He can already shift from bed to chair and back, though he needs full-throttle help from the physical therapist. He's also able to move his artificial knee very slightly. I gather from him that this is a very freaky feeling!

I owe the night nursing staff an apology in my heart for believing ill of them. BB says they were very caring, and looked after him well. But their kindness and fortitude may be put to the test tonight - BB intends to ask for a sponge bath, mwheh-heh.

Did somebody say "re-release"?

Um, now that "Star Wars" has been released, how about releasing me? Hello? Anybody?

Attack of the 50-Foot Knee

(Actually, a knee with fifty feet might be quite scary.)

Our good BB came out of knee-replacement surgery around 1:45 this afternoon. The surgeon called me afterwards. I had bugged out around 11, yuh see, and come home to do schoolwork, because I thought it would be ages until they performed the surgery. I honestly thought they'd begin in the early afternoon. And here it was, ended.

So, the deed is done. And no complications during surgery; everything went just as it should.

We weren't able to visit BB until he came out of postop, around 5:30 - that was the lengthy part of the day. My father in-law, Bunny and I visited for over an hour this evening. BB is on a morphine drip, and doesn't care who knows it, dude. He said the pain was just horrible, worse agony than the day-to-day stuff he'd been living with. Staff made a few adjustments to the morphine, and it seemed to do the trick, finally.

He was having trouble holding down liquids due to the morphine. He gave up and nodded off after a while. Bless his heart, he's not going to have an easy night.

His left knee is just heeyuge, swaddled in an ace bandage-type affair, and propped up on a pillow in its own zip code.

He understood when I told him there wasn't any way I could stay at the hospital overnight. I did assure myself and him that the night-shift nurses don't have fangs, as we had heard. And they don't skulk around anymore, administering stealth enemas and the like. Maybe the nurse's union lost this privilege at the bargaining table?

So, I let my FIL go home, with many thanks for helping out today. Now it's time to get the Girl to bed, and do some more studying before I turn in.

When good shawls happen to bad people

Go see our girl Courtney, looking perfectly sober. Perfectly! Completely rehabilitated!

For that matter, you might as well throw integrity out the window, and read the rest of Go Fug Yourself's fashion remarks about the Emmys. I didn't watch it, but the annual parade of bad gowns remains a hallmark of the event for me. O guilty pleasure.