beancounters

Reagan a la mode

Holy cow. My daughter and I have the worst indigestion from all those jelly beans. The twisted part is, I crave more. I must have more! They call to me!

The gods smiled this morning, and I did not have to ride the schoolbus. I hitched with another mom, and we tailed the bus there and back in her awesome SUV. (I'd like to take this opp. to modify previously disparaging remarks about SUVs. I still don't want one, but they be cool! This sucka had all the creature comforts. Adjustable cup holders, laptop port, individualized climate control, auto-masseuse, servants' quarters ...)

First stop (and the "educational" part of our day) was the UC Davis Arboretum:

The kids were given tablets for a scavenger hunt of sorts - they had to write down the names of plants that solved the clues. This activity didn't go over with every first-grader in attendance, as you can imagine. I saw more than one parent surreptitiously filling in answers for their little darlings. Bunny and her girlfriends found a good many together, though. Let's hear it for cooperation.

Now. How'd you like to be seen in this Bug?

No I will NOT test the booger-flavored beans, thank you

Boy, was I overdue for a good night's sleep. Finally feel like I got one last night. Aaaah, relief. Overall, I'd give it an 8.5 out of 10 - it lost points when it woke me up with a nightmare, but it was just a standard-issue bad dream (Jerry Falwell trying to convince me he is family & I should move to Lynchburg with him), and I did get back to sleep after.

Today I'm off work to go with my daughter's class on a field trip. There are only two seats on the school bus available to parents; the rest have to travel by car.

Here's hoping I win the Car Lottery, folks.

Can I bring you back any of these?

Blogging for justice

Holy cow! Here's a guy using his website to track down the bitch who hit his truck. I can understand perfectly, but a part of me still says yikes!

[via]

Elevator instructions

Today's required reading: The Outer Life Guy's Memo to Tenants.

It should go without saying that tenants who hit the call button with extreme force will not hasten the elevator, but the hole in the wall between the north elevators in the middle bank suggests that this should not go without saying.

A modified version of this memo ought to be distributed to everybody who works in my office building. Hmm ... say, I have access to copiers, intra-agency envelopes, and all the paper I could wish for ...

Rough and tumble Mah-Jonng

Anthony, look - kindred spirits!

The Joy Luck Fight Club is a fantastic movie that merges together the heretofor never combined genres of action, drama, and chick flick.

[via]

More on Texas and UU

The Kansas City Star has non-subscription access to the news I referenced yesterday.

Despite its lack of a specific creed, Unitarian Universalism is as much a religion as any other, [UU board president] Althoff said. From his perspective, religion is not just about the answers to life's big questions, but also calls on people to evaluate the questions themselves.

"It seems to me that any (group) that is specifically organized to address and explore the issues of what constitutes the good life, both here and perhaps in the afterworld, would qualify" as a religion, Althoff said.

The Rev. Anthony David, lead pastor of Pathways Church in Southlake, Texas, said he is disturbed by the comptroller's decision because it ignores Unitarian Universalists' belief that spiritual fulfillment can emerge in "different ways at different levels."

"It reflects an incredible misunderstanding of what a church needs to look like," David said.

Pathways teaches that God is a term that describes the source of ultimate meaning and purpose, but the church does not advocate a one size fits all theology, David said.

"Creedlessness doesn't mean no belief or anything goes," he said.

That's why Unitarian Universalism counts amongst its congregation atheists and "New-Agey type people" (in Mr. Althoff's words - didn't care for that turn of phrase myself). It has nothing to do with what flavor your Higher Power is. Our commonality as humans, and our quest for spiritual growth are what bring us together as an organized congregation.

I think the Texas Comptrollers office will find it must revisit its current definition of a religion. So far it's excluded both UU and Buddhism with it. And not all the UU churches in the state are excluded, so there's that discrepancy that must be addressed as well. I am fairly certain the office will correct these discrepancies in favor of UU.

Then again, there's no shortage of freaky behavior in the name of "faith" in government. Could be anybody's ball game.

Texas: logicians need not apply

See, said I'd blog light today and look what happens. Texas messes with me, that's what.

Via Boing Boing and Electrolite (and already commented upon by Jo):

[A]ccording to the office of Texas Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, a Denison Unitarian church isn’t really a religious organization—at least for tax purposes. Its reasoning: the organization “does not have one system of belief.”

Never before—not in this state or any other—has a government agency denied Unitarians tax-exempt status because of the group’s religious philosophy, church officials say. Strayhorn’s ruling clearly infringes upon religious liberties, said Dan Althoff, board president for the Denison congregation that was rejected for tax exemption by the comptroller’s office.

Hacking the ship of fools

Man, you just know this item is going to be the subject of a lot of blog jokes today.

The Church, sponsored by the Methodist Church but organized by the multi-denominational "Ship of Fools" project, said it had removed a "shout" function where people could speak to the whole congregation. Some were using it to hurl abuse or yell: "Satan loves you." The pulpit, altar and lectern areas will be closed to the public after some worshippers walked their animated character into those areas during sermons.

They ain't seen nothin' yet. Heckling is tame! Next somebody will hack into the system and replace the virtual crucifix with this guy.

Cat in pet door, part ... 3?

Right before sleep last night ... aaaah, peaceful and quiet ... Daisy begins barking hysterically in the kitchen. Thinking she spotted a squirrel outside or something, I get up to kindly suggest to her that she shut the fuh kup. But when I opened the kitchen door, there was THAT DAMNED CAT AGAIN. It was in the sink, licking dishes! In the sink, people! And my poor freaked-out puppy was barking from under the couch in the next room. Not that she could have reached the cat, even if she'd been brave. In the sink!

Of course the cat bolted as soon as I opened the door, and ran right out the pet door with which it has become so familiar. Daisy finally got some backbone when the cat left, and gave chase out the door after it. When Daisy came back, I praised the heck out of her, gave her a chewie, and we all went back to bed.

I am just shakin' my head. Here I had fantasized that a new, vigorous puppy would discourage that stupid cat from trying to come in. Bwah-ha-ha! Boy, did I underestimate Daisy's youth and that cat's moxie. I'll have to make a new tinfoil doormat for the outside door - it did keep that cat out for a while.

Hope Daisy doesn't try to eat the tinfoil, though.

Posting Lite - tastes great, less blogging

Between my day job, the hideous two-part stats final next week (feel my pain - thank YOU), and follow-up efforts in this hydra-headed community eco-problem I've become involved in, expect lighter posting from me this week.

Of course, all funny e-mails I receive from other beancounting bureaucrats will be promptly posted as usual. And I will inform you of the meeting time to ratify the bylaws of the Speak & Spell Club .

QOTD

I think this one should be cross-stitched and hung on Ricky's wall.

I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

-- Voltaire

Sign of the times

What childhood toy from the 80's are you?

Ha!

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's true, I'll stand by it, and I didn't even cheat like SOME PEOPLE. I'm a nerd disguised as a fun toy. Feel my shame. Maybe that's why NOBODY LEAVES ME COMMENTS ANYMORE.

Gro-o-o-an

Mindy is telling the joke of the day. ::eyes rolling all over the bloggin' world::

Gender talk

BB (dressing for a job interview): Should I wear a sport coat?

Me: Yes. No. I don't know. What's usual?

BB: No sport coat.

Me: Then don't bother. Oh! Wait! You should wear a jacket. It's cold outside.

BB: (snorts) Cold? It's Sacramento in May.

Me: It's chilly.

BB: Chilly.

Me: Okay, cool ... coolish. Well, I thought so, anyway.

BB: This from the woman who gets cold in a 78 degree office.

Me: Hey, that air conditioner is a menace. The problem is, nobody ever measures the wind-chill factor in offices.

BB: I'll brave it.

Horoscope as remedy for Monday

Brezsny is forcing me go all Will1am Hung on your hineys.

Whirl-Zap-Gush (the Supreme Being formerly known as God) has choreographed a rigorous dance for you to do this week. It has a mix of primal and elegant elements; it's both meditative and profanely funny. A good title for this mysterious spectacle might be "Holy Ruckus" or "Sacred Uproar." As always, of course, you have free will: You can refuse to do the dance as Whirl-Zap-Gush has choreographed it, and instead go off and try your own spontaneous improvisations. But for maximum beauty, truth, and fulfillment, I suggest you stick with the divinely designed moves.

Look for later posts describing my coworkers' reactions to this sacred dance.

Why isn't C-I-U-V-X-U a word?

Bunny and I have become utterly hooked on Bookworm. We have been playing it a week now, since we found it via A Welsh View: Games. When one of us is playing, the other can't walk away; instead, she lurks behind the player and becomes a backseat driver of sorts. Then BB hears us yelling cryptically at the computer, things like "'MILK'! I see 'MILK'! Right there!" or "We can't FIND 'yen', you stupid worm!"

Bodacious Kerry T-shirt contest

Designs on the White House is accepting entries for the ultimate John Kerry campaign T-shirts. Read the contest rules to submit an entry or cast your vote. You only have until May 22.

Hmm, wonder what font a pro-Kerry 'ku would look best in?

Or how 'bout an anti-Bush 'ku on a t-shirt? Eureka! Somebody run tell Brooke!

[via the real janelle]

Guess the picture, then call the airline

Bunny gave me this picture. "Can you guess what it is?" she asked.

Grease bandits make slick getaway

OKLAHOMA CITY (Reuters) - Oklahoma police are looking for grease bandits who made off with 5,000 pounds of used cooking oil and grease from three restaurants.

I wonder if the culprits are trying to fuel their cars. I know a guy who once converted his diesel car into a machine that runs on biodiesel fuel. He buys or is given used grease from a local Chinese restaurant, which he then mixes with a catalyst in his garage to create the formula fuel.

It's trippy to stand behind his car while it's running. The exhaust smells like egg rolls.