More about makeup

I posted the Onion article below in jest, of course. But it was particularly funny to me because that's how I feel about the new "no makeup" look.

I can't bring myself to wear makeup on a regular basis. I hate the stuff. It makes me feel like I have saran wrap on my face. My skin can't breathe! My eyelashes stick to each other! And lipstick, oy. Lipstick gets on everything - don't know how that happens; as far as I can tell, my lips have always been firmly committed to life in their accustomed places below my nose; yet at the end of a typical lipstick-wearing day, I will find lipstick smears on my own collar. How does this happen? Maybe when I'm not looking, my lips sneak off and break-dance on my clothes.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Makeup. Not like. Saran wrap.

When I worked in retail, there was a girl (sorry, that's only descriptor that fits) who wanted to be a hairdresser, had taken a few courses in cosmetology, and thought she was terribly glamourous. Wore makeup so thick, it looked like it had been trowled on, a la Tammy Fae.

It was my dubious honor that this girl decided to take me on as a makeover project. First, she tried to soften me up by giving me daily, constructive criticism. Every day, I'd get dozens of sweet little comments about how pretty I could be, if I'd only play up my [insert nekked facial feature here] with a little [insert names of herbs and simples here].

The more she ratcheted the "help", the funnier it became. In her zeal, she even accidentally forgot to be polite. One day, she walked in and greeted everybody else, then saw me. She hoisted up a look of mock concern and cocked her head. "Pam, you look poopy!" she trilled. I almost laughed. "Wha-a-at did you say?" Heaven help her, she went on. "You know - poopy! Tired, you look tired! Are you okay, honey?" Everybody within earshot muffled laughs.

But she was a nice girl, all in all. If she was a little over-enthusiastic about her chosen profession, well, more power to her. I did finally tell her to knock off the advice, but later let her sit me down and give me a "makeover". When she was done painting and curling and fluffing and folding, we stood together in front of a mirror. And gadzooks! We looked like twin Tammy Faes!

Comments

[ann]

you have given me a case of the giggles today -- first it was your Onion post, then use of the word gadzooks and talk of your own lipstick on your collar reminded me of this little ditty:

you love yourself
you think you're grand
you go to the movies
you hold your hand
you put your arm around your waist
and when you get fresh,
you slap your face!

[pam]

LOL!