Beancounter's Blogroll: A Love Story

Had a little fun this afternoon with my blog list (and three or four guests) ... later I'll add all the linkages!

It was a typical Tuesday at the office, and Kirk and I were bored. We decided to take a break and head for the Caffe Eclectic. Just then, our boss, Mr. T.H. Fun Ball, yelled, “Jennifer and Kirk, report to me immediately." We were nonplussed when he demanded we take along some resumés to read. "We need a new purlingswine, ever since ‘Mommy’ Blog went on hiatus after the run-in with those sublethal in-laws.” he heaped a pile of paper into Kirk’s arms. “Consider this an occupational adventure,” he added with a sneer.

“What about Rance?" I protested. "He was all set to transfer here.”

Our boss snorted in reply. “Isn’t that moron abroad? I think he edits the Tokyo Times now. So go get some work done.”

At the lunch counter, the bakerina seemed to be in a state of suspended animation. But the ranting waitress, Rachel Lucas, paused for breath long enough to take our orders: the California Insider on rye for me, and a Sigh Club sandwich for Kirk – hold the mayo - with a bottle of blog to split.

Kirk riffled through the stack on the table.“Good grief, there must be 256 apps here!” Getting down to business, we quickly eliminated those who had a snowball in hell’s chance of doing the job. We cringed to see how many beancounter parodies there were.

“Hey look,” I remarked, “Critter’s mom sent a 300-page dissertation on her chaos theory. What a puzzle she is.”

“Kristyk from Muddy River looks promising,” said Kirk evasively. I bristled at the mention of his former paramour. “Last I heard, she was in the spanglemonkey division, but she’d be willing to transfer to the ‘swine’ classification.”

“Oh no, your old receptionista?” I replied nastily. “For your information, she’s a Girl Editor with the Hedgehog Times now, up in the heart of Canada, with views of the northeast and everything! We could hire the whole McCord Family for what we’d have to pay her.”

Kirk seemed abashed. “Sorry, just random thinks.” His crestfallen look made me regret my jealous outburst.

“I’m sorry too,” I said with genuine feeling. “I’d rather be kidnapped by flying piggies than hurt you.”

Suddenly, Kirk grabbed my hand. “I can’t stand it any longer. I have to tell you, I’m smitten with you! Whenever I see you, my heart gets all squoogy! Let’s get married and then get naked, Jen!”

“Oh, Kirk!” I melted at his touch. "I love you, too - and that's not just word shadows!" The applications lay forgotten, as we spent the rest of our 2 hour lunch in each others’ arms.

That night at the Twilight Café, we sealed the deal, and before I knew it, we were standing in front of the Reverend Spork at the Church of the Bitter Shack of Resentment, exchanging vows. Later we flew clear up to Ellen’s Nest in Kingfisher Cove to start our outer life. We were so in love, I knew we’d be going domestic for the rest of our lives.

Comments

[jo]

Awesome in the extreme. Best linkages EVER.

[Snowball]

Very nicely done. I'm truly impressed. How long did that take you?

[Lee]

Excellent stuff. I especially like the line "standing in front of the Reverend Spork at the Church of the Bitter Shack of Resentment".

[pam]

Thanks! Snowball, it took about half an hour, plus a short re-shuffling (because I'd left out somebody).

[Alicia]

Wow, great job! :) There should be some kind of award for being able to do that.

[Mindy]

I love you. ::swoon::

[ann]

like a blog roll meets Madlibs!! very cool!

[Ana]

Very cool! It only took half an hour? You're good!

[pam]

Thanks

[Keith]

Wait a second. Do I thank you or question you? Have I somehow become the antithesis of love? Oh well, someone has to be the snickering bad guy and wear the big, black mustache.

Good job.

[Ellen]

It's a long flight to Ellen's Nest! It's a faraway place of tranquility and happiness - sometimes.

Great job with your story! It looks like a lot of fun.