beancounters

Attempting to reverse the "no content" week o' blogging

Most of this week has been taken up with quizzes and funny links, hasn't it? I haven't written much lately about what's been happening at work. If I keep up this trend, I won't be able to legitimately call this blog "beancounter". I'll have to switch to something more fitting, like Quizmistress of the PhotoShop. Heh.

I've half-heartedly worked on my version of "100 Things About Me", but I can only think of 25. Is that pathetic or what?! Is my life really that dull? Bweh. I have a mind to post it as is. Shoot, some readers might be grateful to read a micro-sized 100 Things, the same way they like to blast through one of those Reader's Digest Condensed Books and pretend to their friends they really read Ivanhoe.

Now that I've figured out how to post buttons on the sidebar, I want to resist the urge to add a lot more. Sometimes I see sites with dozens of buttons! Where do they all link to? Some don't seem to link anywhere, like they're only there for decoration. Like they're placebo buttons. You know, buttons that don't do anything but make you think they're active. Placebottons, as it were. Still, they look so cool. So teeny, so colorful. And they're for the bloggers' own good, after all, providing quick links ... No! Must ... resist!

Wellll, maybe a few more. Taking recommendations, of course.

Work was dull as a tomb until Thursday, when my Boss and our Big Boss suddenly got into an exciting, full-scale e-mail war about our online directory. Accusations flew. Doors were slammed. Tattletale phone calls to Exec were made. Big Boss is a very paranoid soul, you see, and my own Boss doesn't suffer fools. Bad combo. Makes me grateful cubicle walls are so tall - the easier to keep the ol' head ducked and covered. We were sure Big Boss would feel the necessity to "telecommute" on Friday, and lo, it came to pass. He only came in to pick up his paycheck. Back to "dull".

What's on the agenda for the weekend? Well, housecleaning, for sure. Each bathroom has its own distinctive odor by now. Another few days and the shower mold will sprout legs and walk around by itself. Mowing the lawn, probably. Then we need to bring out our summer clothes and store the winter ones, so I'll get the boxes down from the garage. Don't credit me with too much organization - I recently threw our winter things on the guest bed and just shut the door, you see. One whole room of our house, turned into a giant laundry basket. Not cool.

And our church is having a rummage and plant sale - definitely have to stop by. I get lots of our outdoor plants from the church, which tends to hold plant sales whenever the main garden is thinned out. In the church garden, shamrock grows everywhere. You can't get one of those plants in a pot without picking up a little. Now I have my own shamrock in my little home gardens, weaving around the irises.

Blast from the past: No Pants Day

Remember this from a few months ago? You'd wiped it from your memory, hadn't you? Sure. I know I had. But many idiots with more time than common sense have been hitting the search engines, tracking back to my blog entry and to yours, reminding us of that prank and all its painful implications.

Thank Eris that May 1 is a Saturday. Whatever promise I shouted to the cosmos about parading about in a state of pantlessness won't involve my esteemed work colleagues. Having seen myself, and what I look like with no pants on, I must be realistic and say it's not a sight for the uninitiated ...

No! Jo's right - I didn't look at the date - it's May 7!

Let's see ... :: digs out a quarter :: Heads, I honor the shouted promise to the cosmos ... Tails, I do not scare my colleagues with the sight of my de-panted legs ...

Hey, look at Miss U.S.A.'s picture. She's not wearing pants! Pass it on! Mweh-heh-heh-snort-chuckle-

The Honest Boss

Hallmark presents: Interview with an Honest Boss.

Truly, I don't seek these things out. They just get e-mailed to me. I can't help it if my coworkers are more cynical than I am. But in turn, it's my mission to forward each one to the blogging community.

Good. Seven syllables in "A miserable failure"

For those of you who like to write haiku, Brooke at Bitter Shack of Resentment invites you to contribute to the The Anti-Bush Haiku Project.

Mother's day is coming ...

... so please order something from here today, to allow adequate shipping time.

Update: BB called after he saw this, and said basically he'll buy it for me if I really want one. Dammit. I hate when the responsibility for my own actions gets foisted back on me like this.

Bizarrchitecture 3

From Worth1000: In the future, when alternative energy has finally replaced fossil fuels, our planet's true innovators will discover new uses for those outmoded oil rigs.

Some cool entries in this contest. Which is your favorite?

Destructo-dog

A partial list of the things our dog Daisy has damaged or destroyed:

One dog collar
Part of another
My sweater
Countless pairs of underwear
Socks
3 pairs of shoes - two chewed; one destroyed (Boy, was Bunny MAD.)
Many shoelaces
The buttons off a shirt
2 lamp cords
1 telephone cord - I assume she learned better by the third cord.
Leg of the rocking chair
Corner of the TV cabinet
Kitchen rug - had to take it up before the plunder was complete.

Hmm. Thought this list was longer. I guess it just seems longer when living it!

Cho Chang was a hottie

Sounds like an entry in the revised history meme!

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House	GryffindorHufflepuffRavenclawSlytherin
Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Cho Chang
You are well known for	Your family name
Percentage of student body you shagged - 92%
How do the staff and students feel about you	Huh?Who's that?
This QuickKwiz by lady_ameily - Taken 31285 Times.

[Via Jo, who ::ahem:: no longer has an excuse for not having TrackBack]

Reinventing history

Here's a meme from Jo to get us through the rest of this interminable week:

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. Then post this in your journal so that people can invent memories for you.

I'd appreciate it, though, if we could let rest the little incident with the yacht. Nobody pressed charges after my capture, and besides, it all happened in international waters - jurisdiction was so murky back then.

Random comics

Monochrom combines old newspaper cartoons with punchlines from other comics. The results range from silly to surreal. (Click the refresh button early and often!)

[via boing boing]

Ready for prime time

Bunny's in the bathtub. She just called for me. She's seven, and can do her bath all by herself. This must be important.

"Mom, could you do that thing where you swirl the water all around the tub like a tidal wave?"

"You called me all the way in here for that?" I was blogging, for heaven's sake. Reading about Mindy's trip. Let's keep our priorities straight.

"Like you used to do? Pleeease?"

I laughed. "You're spoiled."

She looked hurt. "I am not spoiled," she protested. Then, a beat later: "I WANT A PONY! NOW! AND START SWIRLING THAT BATHWATER!"

Nothing wrong with her comedic timing, though.

Mr. Tiki

I got a kick out of Outer Life's vacation story.

Stats test #3

We had our third exam in Stats, all about tests for statistical correlation - the Pearson r, Spearman r tests, and how to find the regression line. I did well on the first two parts of the exam. (I do want you to know that, in spite of my non-stop bitching, I am passing this class.) But then came the part where we were to compute correlation using the Pearson r. At the end of all the mathematical sleight-of-hand, the answer should have been somewhere between 0 and -1.0. But my total came out to 1.33 -- waay the hell over! Woo-hoo! I'm a statistical over-achiever!

I went through all my equating from start to finish - same result. I tried a different way of computing the Pearson r - got an even higher result! There was nothing I could do. I almost started giggling, right there in class. It was positively comical - especially considering it was open book and open notes for this exam section.

Well, at least Meg gives points for showing our work. So I will get a few points. I didn't have the heart to take this result and calculate a regression line for extra credit, though heaven knows I should have, for whatever mercy points she might give me.

In the end, I gave up and wrote up my findings thusly: "The correlation is 1.33, meaning there is a 177% chance that poor attendance will result in a lower GPA." Next to it, I wrote, "Sorry Meg, just can't make this dog jump the hoop."

The main reason I don't change my template ...

Typepad's whole "design" category is a frustrating, winding maze to me. It reminds me of this old DOS adventure game, where if I didn't remember to type in one lousy command, the game would bounce me back to the beginning (if I was lucky) or kill my character off (if I was even luckier - perfect timing to take that sadistic game out of the 5 1/2" floppy drive and cut it up with scissors).

All I wanted to do was change the fonts on this page. One task! But it took me an hour, because I didn't save my changes just so. Not just here, but clear over there. Then whoops, I didn't name my template. The new configuration entirely disappeared from all memory, and the whole page layout reverted to some sort of ugly default. Twice.

You guys are so nice to offer advice when I ask. I'm not asking for help this time; just venting. But I will learn it. Oh yes. I'm too cheap to hire out; I'd better learn it.

When I cut up that floppy disk, I pinned it to the wall as a warning to the other disks, what happens to programs that cross me. So, Mr. "Weblog Design", be warned. Just because you're housed at Typepad, don't think you're safe from me.

PHKL

Jennifer finds the coolest stuff. Now here's a hobby that's taken a very weird turn. They took an ordinary laptop and turned it into a Pink He11o K1tty Laptop.

What can I say? It's absolutely awful and adorable! Especially the wireless mouse, tethered by optional red beads. And it looks easy to make, doesn't it? ...

My husband has become a real computer nut in the last few years. He swears he bought our family laptop for me, not as a toy for himself, and that I can assume sole "ownership" at any time. I should show this to him and test his resolve, mwheh-heh.

Exactly.

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy -

If I ever made a list of The Best Concepts I Ever Learned, this one would definitely be near the top. The idea of "forgive and forget" has been taught to me all my life, but I used to feel guilty when I couldn't "forget" the harm that had been done to me by another.

I've learned that what is practical is to forgive, forgive the enemies and even the entire situation that I hurt about. When I can do that, it takes the black spot off my own soul, makes my heart unclench and takes the rawness out of the memory.

But I know now that it's okay, it's practical and necessary, to remember the experience completely. That's what helps prevent me from getting into the same predicaments, or decide on a new tactic to deal with a big problem. And I can remember to hold back my trust in the same people who broke with me before.

The flying car conversation

“In the future,” The Bunny informed me at the breakfast table, “there’ll be flying cars.”

“Huh. Don’t count on it,” I mumbled into the newspaper. “They’ve been saying that a long time. I’ve been waiting for my flying car for 41 years.”

“There will be flying cars, in about a hundred years,” she told me. “Actually, when I’m a grandmother, in about a hundred years.”

“A hundred years, eh.”

“Yeah! Unless I invent one first.”

I started paying attention. “Cool. I’ve always wanted one. Will your flying car take off straight up like a helicoptor, or at an angle like an airplane?” I swooshed my hand both ways to illustrate.

She considered it. “Straight up,” she decided. “So, when you’re stuck in traffic, you can press a button, and woosh! Up you’ll go. Then you can make the car invisible.”

“Yeah!” I agreed. This played right into my most frequent traffic jam fantasy. “And all the other drivers will stare at my car and go whoaaa! And then I’ll fly up above the telephone wires and stuff, and take off for home.”

“I’ll make only three flying cars: one for Daddy, one for you, and one for me.”

“I love it! It’ll be the three of us in our flying cars! We can have invisible flying car races above the river!”

She looked at me and decided I’d gone too far. Clearly I needed to be reined in before I began tantruming or something. She damped down the excited humor in her eyes, leaned forward, and whispered, “Actually, Mom, there’s no such thing as flying cars.”

“Oh,” I whispered back. “Well, if you invent one, there will be.”

“Yeah, okay then.” She diplomatically changed the subject.

Stuff I found when I couldn't sleep

Can't go wrong with "The Duel". Squirrels! Penguins! And the Duke Boys! [Via Daisy]

The Friday Caption Contest at ChgoRed.

Hadn't really looked at Dave Barry's blog before, but it's a really reliable spot for observing the parade of weirdness that is the Internet. This made me smile and cringe at the same time. I don't know what's worst about it - no, stop right there, I do know. It's all the poses in full body tights. Gaaah!

How to succeed in cubicles without really trying

Fat Eye For The Skinny Guy shall serve as guest-link for my weekly Chant of Hate (TM) column. I'm sure he'll be flattered. Barring that, well, I am a very hard person to track down.

Read his suggestions for working less and getting more respect.

Find out "what's going around." You know how whenever a person returns after a sick day and you ask them what's the matter -- they say, "oh, I had that flu. I think it's going around." Great! Super! You now have the flu. But instead of being a complete wimp like your co-worker, you decided to fight it out and still come to work. By doing this... A) You get to slack off and drag your ass around the office looking like total shit. B) Everyone will stay far away from you because they don't want to get sick, leaving you with as much alone time as you will ever need. C) Your boss will respect the fact that, even though you're ill, nothing could stop you from coming into work.

Take two and call me on Monday.

For Snowball

I'm pulling out all the stops this evening, to find bunches of things that will make Snowball laugh!

Bushzilla - classic stuff.

The Bricktestament: Every book in the Bible recreated in Legos. Moses's face just cracks me up. Please don't go until you see the Plagues!

Uncanny!

Here's one man's hobby. Judging by some of his subjects' faces, they don't think much of their new headgear.

Go here and get yerself a brand name and slogan. For free! Normally you'd have to pay some swanky marketing firm about a gazillion dollars for help of this calibre. Oops, wait - this is a marketing firm. No offense, guys.

Don't forget (and I know you did), you can diss people and even states you don't know on this site, daily. Go (back)!

I think this game is made by the same folks (or their evil twins) who put together "Grow". By the way, did you know you can win at "Grow"? This guy did. Check out how nonchalant he sounds, too, as if to say oh sure, it was easy, and he didn't spend a couple of weeks at it nonstop like the rest of us.

Or, we could go to this bar I know. What's Japanese for "bring me another one with booze in it"?