beancounters

HAPPY NEW YEAR

BB's and my New Year's eve plans include a bottle of sparkling apple cider, popcorn, and a movie, preferably in the Cheesy Science Fiction genre. (My vote will be "Doctor Who: The Five Doctors", which we just rented.)What it lacks in glamour, it makes up for in good company.

This year, I think Bunny will insist on joining us. She refuses to celebrate the way she did last year - watch the ball drop on TV (at midnight New York time), and then promptly go to bed at 9:05 pm (California time). She thinks that's babyish. Now that she's a mature six year-old, she wants to stay up until midnight. Ha! I told her she may well be the only one awake at midnight, as her father and I hold no illusions that we'll make it that long ourselves.

Well, the goal is not to stay awake half the night - the goal is to have fun with my dear little family.

Happy New Year to everybody!

But I don' wanna be 2004! I'm afraid of Ralph Nader!

Neo, the Truth is ...

... there is no spork.

IT Job Security

I can't get over how frustrated I am with our agency's Information Technology Guy. Once upon a time, this IT Guy was given the task of picking out a new database application for our office. He went a step further, inventing the database from near-scratch. It's frankly not all that great. But the tricky thing is, he made it impossible for anybody except himself to run data reports off of it.

For example, this month need a list of clients whose authorizations will expire 12/31/03. Could I have run a list myself? No, naturally not. Who the hell am I? I'm just the person in charge of notifying clients. God forbid I have direct access to the data that would help me do this job. That would be too logical. What if everybody had direct access to the data that would help them do their jobs? We'd have anarchy! Christ on a stick, this is the Information Age, but let's not go crazy!

So, I was forced ask the IT guy to do run it, three weeks ago, by e-mail with a cc to my boss so the IT Guy would know I'm following the chain of command and am not some loose cannon or anything, capriciously gathering names of soon-to-expire clients for my own nefarious purposes. And did IT Guy snap to it and provide my list? No, he did not. Because that's the rest of the story: having sole responsibility, he seems to like to play a little power game with us. This has forced me to begin the campaign of walking to his office, genuflecting in the doorway, and humbly begging for 30 seconds of his precious time to run one stupid report.

It's as if he receives all of my "first" requests, but does nothing with them in case I don't really mean it. The urgency of each request is gauged by how many times I ask. Then, my requests begin to sound like pestering. He becomes Officially Irked, and he finally runs the report, but then he takes the episode as an excuse to hate me and give me the cold shoulder for the next month. Especially if I lose my temper in any way during the supplecation process.

Don't tell me to ask my boss to speak to him. She's terrific, but the bad thing about her hands-off management style is, she expects me to battle my equals on my own.

In spite of my agitation, a part of me does have to laugh at the perfect way he's ensured his own job security in this time of civil service cut-backs.

And me without my Mary Poppins umbrella

It was not the least bit tempting to stay home today. BB has another cold, and though he appears to be on the upswing, his attitude during these bouts is always best heard about on the telephone, not experienced in person. Bunny is flirting with a cold of her own. I'm only too happy to come to the office and leave them to their respective ailments. Besides, there's talk of a matinee brewing. If conditions are favorable, those at home may get slammed with a trip to "Disney's Haunted Mansion". And you know how much I dislike that sort of weather.

Hey, I was going to get to that ... and that ...

Stories of obsessive hoarders, like this one, are fascinating. You have to wonder, how exactly do people get to this state?

I used to know a guy who hoarded all sorts of stuff, both on his property and, when his wife put her foot down, in a small warehouse he rented. One summer, his adult children persuaded him to let them cart away the contents of his garage. A bunch of us volunteered to help. For my part, I came along out of sheer curiosity. I had never seen anything like it in a residence. The garage was packed, floor to ceiling, with cardboard boxes of junk - car parts, machinery, ancient coffee makers, wristwatches - a whole box of old wristwatches! - broken lawn furniture, etc. etc. We tagged some stuff for a garage sale (attended by equally curious neighbors), but most went to the landfill.

The house itself had all the signs that it was inhabited by a hoarder. You could tell, though, that the wife's efforts through the years had kept the worst of it at bay.

The dad claimed he was happy to be able to walk in his garage again. But I heard that within two months, the place was back to its normal stuffed state; he had transferred boxes from his warehouse.

Post-holiday candy withdrawal

Help! I haven't gone this long without sweets in weeks! The pain ... the pain ...

What I'm reading

The Monday after vacation is always hideous. This morning I could not mentally keep track of an umbrella and a thermos of coffee at the same time. I'm at my desk now, still recovering from the effort of getting here. And guess what: I just noticed that I had dressed myself in the one blouse I own that does not go with brown slacks.

Luckily, last night I was the soul of foresight. I emailed to myself at work a list of links I think you should visit today.

* The self-described "dullest blog in the world". Look at all the comments and you'll understand the real reason people visit. This is proof-positive that pundits who write volumes about what does and does not define a "blog" are completely full of crap. The art of the blog defies all definitions.
 
* The Outer Life guy describes an "all you can eat" restaurant. I feel about those types of places the way I feel about jug wine. You can drink it, but life's too damned short to do such disrespectful things to yourself.
 
* Jo at Spanglemonkey has had a houseful of relatives during Christmas week. It sounds like hell to me, but she has (for the most part) been able to laugh about it.
 
* And I just started reading this one. For reasons I haven't uncovered yet, a lady and her 3 year-old daughter have moved to Hawaii, where they spend their days touring Waikiki using the transit system. Must be nice!
 

Third time's a charm pt 2

It's official: I got an "A" in algebra. Let joy reigneth!

No matter what else I study, I'll be happy I took the time to learn algebra properly. I had believed some opinions from teachers early in life, that I was not the sort who would really take to math. It was important to prove to myself that they were wrong.

The Day No Spam Would Die

Did anybody else notice a marked absence of spam in their email boxes on Christmas day? I don't think we received even three. But heavens above, they're making up for lost time today. Thirty-seven spam messages in my home account. Plus our church newsletter, just to tweak the Irony Meter.

Why do they write me? Honestly, I'd like to know the reasoning. Why do they take the time and energy to invent new ways to get through to me? I didn't ask for these mailings; they must know I'm going to delete them immediately, because I never asked for help acquiring enlargement, arousal, refinancing, prescriptions, money laundering, or a bootleg copy of some heiress's sex tape. They tempt me to visit their sites through a link promising to "remove me" from the mailing lists, but I know that's just a ploy. They mock me, they defeat my spam filters with their mixes of num6ers w1th1n the w0rds, and by changing email accounts every few days. They task me, and I shall have them, Kiiiirk! It is very cold in spaaace! (Sorry, channelled Khan for a second there.)

But really: what's the deal with spam?

Update: This guy's theory makes sense to me. Obviously spam, and the businesses advertised, must pay very well.

Our revels are ended

That's it! Our incredible activity-packed Christmas week is over. All presents purchased, wrapped, given and received. All applicable family members visited and duly gossipped with. All traveling and travel-related errands run. We're done!

Though hectic, it was a terrific week. Even yesterday was a great day, though the puppy had kept me awake the night before. My brother and I hung out in the morning. When he left for his long return drive home, the rest of us were seized with an overpowering urge to do absolutely nothing that involved putting on outside clothes. We wore mismatched pajama-like things, napped, ate leftovers and Christmas candy, and watched movies the rest of the day. Heh. Didn't intend to program a "do-nothing day", but it was so needed. And now today, having driven my mom back to her house, the last Christmas-related activity is finished.

Now what do I have to look forward to?

1) Quilting. It's high time I converted the guest room back into a sewing room and got back to it. (I've been away from it so long, I'm worried that I've begun to lose my interest. I guess I'd better find out one way or the other.)

2) Teaching Bunny how to read music.

3) Taking the GRE and applying for graduate school. Especially since a conversation with BB inspired me to begin composing my letter of intent.

4) Teaching Daisy all those good skills a well-behaved Pomeranian should know.

5) Spending more time with BB. Specifically, programming actual evenings out!

What am I not looking forward to?

1) A statistics course.

Puppy pics

This is to give you an idea of the dangerously high levels of cuteness, warmth and fuzziness we are contending with lately.

Can you draw the Chrysler Bldg with one line yet?

Here's an Etch-a-Sketch for your drawing pleasure. Use the arrow keys on your keyboard. How good are you?

Jump back, scratch myse'f

In the end, I had to just quit reinforcing all the yipping. I went back to bed and held a pillow over my ear, literally, until she went to sleep.

It started again at 6:30, so BB let both dogs out, but gave Daisy the run of the house when they came back. And where did a puppy want to be, out of every potential location? Jumping on my chest. So hooo-kay, I'm up!

Well, the house stirs. My brother leaves in a few hours; I want to be up now anyway. I can grab a nap later.

I'll try that alarm clock trick, Alicia. And tonight's bedtime will be more routine and (o let's hope) quieter. :-)

That's a helluva lot of tiny little cakes

I just studied my stats and referrers for Christmas Day. (Because let's face it, what else do I have to do at 2 am?) It's interesting that out of a total 146 hits, fully 67 of them were internet searches for Easy-Bake Oven recipes. Can you believe it? That's a huge percentage. And it's not just a Christmas Day phenom. In fact, sometime in the middle of this month, that particular search finally eased Michael Jackson out of the top spot for referrals to Beancounters.

You domestically-inclined bloggers, here's an obscure and virtually untapped market: palatable recipes that may be successfully baked over a 100-watt bulb.

O Joy, Puppy insomnia

Good evening - or morning, everybody. Thank you for the Christmas wishes. What a thoughtful and engaging group of people you are. I feel privileged that you visit here, return here, and share your thoughts with me. To think I didn't even know about you two months ago. Somehow that feels like a waste.

Well, you wouldn't believe what I'm doing, logged on at 1:30 in the morning when I ought to be asleep. I am sitting up with a puppy who won't stop crying.

We spent Xmas eve with BB's parents. They took us out to a fancy Italian restaurant, a place I love for its rare combination of elegance and family pride. And oh yes, the food - well it's to die for, that's all. When we got back, we sat up a little while to watch "Scrooge" before we turned in. (We switched off the TV during the segment about the Ghost of Christmas Present. Oddly, in the morning we tuned in to "A Christmas Carol", at almost exactly the same place in the plot. It was as if London had suddenly turned to color in the night.)

So this morning was spent with more of the in-laws, which was v. cool, espec. for Bunny and her cousins. And for Daisy, our new puppy, who got played with by three kids. She was so tired, she passed out in her travel box all the way home.

This means this afternoon was our first opportunity to open the presents under our own tree! No sooner had we done, when my mom and brother came over for an early dinner and a showing of "Pirates of the Caribbean".

And they're still here, sleeping over. Subsequently, Daisy has been moved from her usual place in the kitchen/family room to this room, the den (due to sleeping arrangements). Now for some reason, she is highly upset and has been yipping and crying for the last hour and a half. She only stopped when I came in here. Can't think why. She's been fed, watered, and aired, as it were. And it's not like she doesn't know where she is. I tell you, she didn't cry this much in my in-laws' laundry room last night, and that was a totally new dwelling for her. Maybe it's indigestion - strange dog food from a myriad of dog food dishes over the last few days. Or maybe she's just a little pill-box, as my grandma would have said.

Well ... whatever it is/was, she appears to be deeply asleep in her basket at last. Maybe I can sneak out and try to get some sleep now myself.

Update: Did she stay asleep? No, she did not. So now what do I do?

Gondor Headline News

PETA/Ent Détente Collapses Over Forest “Orc Murder” Cover-up

Aragorn-Arwen Split Shocks 4th Age Community
“Celebrity Marriages Always Doomed,” declares Old Ioreth

Denethor Cultists Arrested in Midnight Tomb Conflagration

King Returns, Replaces White Tree With Hydrangea in Landscaping Disaster
"Wrong planting zone for fragile perennials," states Shire gardener

[Via non-blogging Anthony]

Last blogger on the block to see RotK

Have swooped into the office this morning to attend to a few claim forms and voice mails. I'm the only one in my unit -- what a quiet morning.

This afternoon BB and I will see "Return of the King" AT LAST. I'm THE last fan in my set to see it -- even acquaintances who aren't that crazy about Tolkien have seen it. How embarrassing!

We drove down to my hometown yesterday to visit my mother. Also saw my brother and nephew, who are visiting from waaay out of town. And we had a simply terrific time. I'll write more later. I think the one thing that made the visit very comfortable, oddly enough, was the big ol' air mattress set up in the living room. They hadn't taken it down for the day, making it impossible to sit on the couches and chairs. So we just sprawled on the mattress, chatted and ate and played with dogs and kids all afternoon.

Outta here for now -- back to claim forms! Boy, all the time off this week is going to deplete my vacation hours. Oh well, goddess knows that's what they're for.

Update: Oh. My. What a wonder. I think I cried for three straight hours. Also, I've never been so exhausted after a movie. Of course, I did a lot of work - especially running up the steppes of Minas Tirith, and climbing up Mount Doom!

My Holiday/New Years Wish for bloggers

For every smile you get from your "comments" section, may you swap grins with some sassy barrista or waiter who shares your sense of humor.

For every comment you choose to write, may you have the imagination and bravery to speak up in a crowd, when your thoughts ought to be heard.

For every fellow blogger whose writings you can relate to, may you discover a deeper personal connection to someone you already know.

For every online friend you have made this year, may you make a friend out in the 3D world, too.

Soles: worn. Wallet: skinny.

Said the heck with everything else, left family to play with new carpet cleaner, jumped in the car and went shopping. Thought just needed to pick up little odds and ends.

Store #1: Linens 'n' Things. Walked the whole giant store twice. On third lap, was suddenly seized with anxiety that Brother would not like the first present, which was purchased last week, so quickly picked up a second. Stood in Endless Line #1, pondering: Should I take the mediocre present back? Or should I give him both presents? If both, the good one first, the mediocre one with an apology? The mediocre one first, the good one a resounding finale? Canned music overhead: "Holly Jolly Christmas".

Store #2: Same scenario, different family member.

Store #3 & 4: On quest for The Perfect Present. (can't say where; Mom still drops in here, I think.): Knew what it was I hunted, but the prey, how elusive it was this day. Then! In Store #5! A sighting! Stealthily approached it. Made my move! Quarry captured! Stood in Endless Line (#3 by now). Canned music overhead: "Holly Jolly Christmas".

Got home. Hid packages in sewing room. Bunny, bored from cleaning house, followed me around for a solid hour singing. What did she sing? Oh, go on, take a guess. Uh-huh? Yes, you're right! "Holly Jolly Christmas"!

Went to Jiffy-Lube to have my oil changed. Place looked abandoned. Four attendants sprang to help. (This is the week to get car chores done, folks. Everybody else is out shopping.) Turned to ask Bunny to get out of the car. But she would not get out until a song was over. She gripped the radio knob, giggling so hard she couldn't breathe, because the song was (I swear, I am not making this up) "Holly Jolly Christmas".

So to sum up: a) Got holiday shopping done. b) Experienced horrible sensation am being followed by the ghost of Burl Ives.