beancounters

Saturday

Yesterday's trip to the zoo was way fun. Though the weather was rather cold, and it began to drizzle as we walked around, we enjoyed ourselves. All the animals were out and groovin' with the crowds.

Bunny zipped us through the reptile house in record time. Not because she didn't like the reptiles, but when you're six, you can savor each creature's uniqueness in just under a second and a half, so why linger for heaven's sake? Shake a leg, people! The giraffes are waiting!

When we'd seen everybody, we headed home for hot tea and a jigsaw puzzle. Man, this holiday was just what I needed. I've done nothing but eat, sightsee, watch mindless TV and hang out with family. No work worries or school dithers.

Goin' to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo

Dang, I've had that song in my head all day now. Drove everybody here nuts, because I only knew a verse and a half! So Goddess Bless The Internet: Here are the lyrics to "Goin' to the Zoo".

Zoo

Mom and I read every newspaper insert about store sales at Target, Mervyn's, etc. We plotted a course on a map. We made a mental schedule of which stores to hit at what time, for which "Early Bird" specials and Gifts-With-Purchase ... then we snorted derisively. We'd both rather suffer a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, than do that shopping marathon thing the day after Thanksgiving.

Instead (sing with me!):

Mama's takin' us to the zoo tomorrow/ Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow/ Mama's takin' us to the zoo tomorrow/ And we can stay all day

Tradin' one kind of zoo for another! But our zoo has the elephants with the long trunk swingin', great big ears an' the long trunk swingin' ...

The day is at hand!

Thought I'd take a break from the second football game to check e-mail and so forth.

Mom's here for a few days. She and Bunny prepared the great jello/pineapple garnish last night, and followed up by prepping the green bean casserole. BB's in charge of the turkey, and he's peeling potatoes right now. That doesn't leave many chores for me, which worked out fairly well, mwheh heh. Oh, wait, I do have two big chores - 1) make the stuffing, and 2) endure jibes from the whole crew (even Bunny), because I got Stove Top stuffing.

Also, I have to figure out a way to open the wine this afternoon, because all the usual cork-removal devices are broken or lost. There's only one other family on the block home today, and they laughed politely when I asked to borrow a corkscrew, because they're Mormon. (What, Mormons can't own Swiss Army knives, even?) So, I guess it's we'll have to knock the cork into the bottle with a screwdriver and a hammer.

Hope everyone is having a happy Thanksgiving Day. Dan, we're thinking of you and wishing you were here.

How to keep the cat out of the pet door pt. 2

A few weeks ago, I mentioned our nocturnal visitor - the neighbor's cat - that comes in the house through my dog's door. All civilized attempts to discourage kitty were ignored. And nobody would let me borrow their turkey fryer after I explained what I wanted to cook in it. (Just kidding. Those things sound dangerous!)

But I have good news. Alicia's suggestion seems to have worked. I taped a few sheets of aluminum foil in front of the outside pet door. Since then, the cat has not entered the house. I rarely saw it inside before this, but in the last few weeks I've done things like left food on the counter or Purina in the bowl on the floor. They are left undisturbed. Yay, cat defeated! Thank you, Alicia!

Debriefing

I just had a debriefing session with Micromgr. She called me "Diana".

Debriefing session, part two: As this is my last day as her subordinate, we're both letting the veneer of civility come down ju-u-ust a notch. It's a fascinating dynamic. If she gives me another of those raised-eyebrow reactions, I'll just start looking at my watch every few seconds.

Time (Mis-) management

Back in August, I switched places (and departments) with another co-worker, whom I'll call Mr. Popular. Before I moved, he came around for some training from me. I later heard that he bragged to mutual co-workers that he was going to master his new job easily, that it is nothing but clerical work, and he wondered why I had made it out to be so complicated. This was highly irksome, but not anger-inducing, except the "clerical" crack. I amused myself by wondering if it was more of an insult to me or to bona fide clericals.

He came around occasionally over the next few months, to ask questions as unexpected problems came up. I felt glad he was catching on.

But folks, I'm back now. I just took a look at the credenza I left him with. And I'm here to tell you, he did nothing. Nothing at all. No work. There are applications here from last August. I remember training him on them; he has never completed them. He never completed any subsequent apps. Stuff he had asked me about? Still here. And his other jobs? Not done. Nope. I have just sat down at this desk, and it's as if I had locked the cabinets and took a three-month vacation.

Mr. Popular apparantly spent the last three months on the Internet. I wondered why he had angled his computer so you couldn't see the monitor from the entrance. Your tax dollars at work, folks. I wasn't going to stress about this, but uh, yeah, now I feel some anger coming on.

There's nobody to tattle to. My former boss, now my current boss again, knew this about him and arranged this transfer as soon as she came back on board.

My only consolation - and I have to say, it's a good 'un and it makes up for a lot - is that his new boss is Micromgr!

Cube with a view

I've spent a large part of the morning moving to my new cubicle. After the computer and telephone were transferred, there was nothing much more for me to do but PACK FIVE BOXES OF CRAP. Oh. My. Gosh. Look at all this. Pictures, a board game board (?), kid artwork, boxes of tea, binders 'n' files 'n' folders, CDs, three "Dummies" books ... From whence came all this junk?

Seriously. I didn't used to keep so many belongings at the office. There was a time when I would only allow myself to have the bare essentials - a coffee mug, a toiletries bag, and my Rolodex. The rationale was, if I were ever fired, I could spare myself the awkward lingering, cleaning out my desk in shame while voyeuristic co-workers pretended not to watch. I could just fling everything into one grocery bag and flee the scene. (I had occasion to test this paranoid efficiency. Twice.)

But with job security comes Mass Accumulation. [sigh]

Thanks for the warning

From Accuradio, regarding their holiday offering, Accuholidays:

For extra holiday fun, we've also designed several "song-specfic" channels, including one called "Blue and White Christmas" that plays nothing but dozens and dozens of different versions of "Blue Christmas" (including Elvis's) and dozens and dozens of different versions of "White Christmas" (including Bing's)...

Dang, you'd have to really like "Blue Christmas" to tune in to an all-"Blue Christmas" station ... though the act of tuning in would soon cure you of your kindly regard.

Breakfast pizza

I'd like to meet the sick, twisted bastard who first conceived of an unholy combination of eggs, sausage, cheese and dough, and called it by the deceptively fun, appealing name, "breakfast pizza". Ugh. It tastes good enough, okay yeah, but afterwards it just sits in my stomach like a rock, for hours, where I can't get to it, and I'm in mortal distress for the whole morning.

Somebody had two of them delivered to the office (by Satan's Pizza, I think the place was called). I can smell them clear over here. I learned my lesson a while back; I won't touch the stuff. But I would like just five minutes alone with that inventor.

I am a Lineman for the County, dammit

Glen Campbell arrested for "extreme drunkenness".

Would you believe this is the same face that sang those cheery country songs you grew up with? Yikes.

In the interest of fairness ...

... the people I ranted about yesterday are not in my own department, but the one next door. The people I work with are better-behaved, even without the presence of Micromgr.

But today I'll take around my daughter's fundraiser sales sheet, and talk Noisy Dept. into forkin' over the dough. Thus their karma will be cleared with me. In fact, I shall make that fact part of my sales pitch.

Michael Jackson's website

Well, this was considerate of him.

Michael Jackson (the Official Press Room)

For what it's worth, I honestly hope the charges are not true - especially for the sake of the kid involved.

Recurring dream

I only have one recurring dream, and it goes like this: I live in a vast high-rise building the size of a mountain. I travel around inside of it, in the company of packs of people I don't really know. We ride in elevators as big as moving vans, and walk staircases without end, busily moving from floor to floor on urgent but non-specific errands. We usually prefer staircases to the elevators, because they are glassed-in and we can see the skyline. We never leave the building – it’s our work and our home - but in some versions of the dream, we discover an open patio, and we stand outside a while and relax, looking at other buildings and the street far below.

Semantics quiz

Eighteen more hours. I belong in this department for 18 more hours - the rest of this work week - after which, I move to my old unit again. I'm literally counting the hours. Do you think that means I'm anxious to leave or anything? Oh no, nuh-ho.

They talk and talk and TALK and talk. Incredible. Our micromgr. would cause it to stop a while, were she here. But her office is on the other side of the building, and lately she never seems to make it over here much. That fact is a two-edged sword, as you may surmise. But today it'd be welcome if she'd do a walk-through once. It would be quiet for a while.

OK, pop semantics quiz: If co-workers stand around and talk about non-work stuff, that's clearly "not working". But if they talk (and talk and TALK and talk) about work-related stuff, is that technically quote-unquote working? They don't produce anything, but they could make the case that they're handling their work by discussing it. At great length. Using many swear words.

Don't answer. It's just a rhetorical question. I've spent too much energy on them already. 17:50 hours left.

In place of the Monday chant of hate

Please visit Brightwind's site and read "Where Is Your Home?" It surprised me into a sense of perspective, which is especially needed at the start of the work week.

Correction to recipe

There's been a correction to the jello recipe, below. Mom says cut the amount of water in the jello. Enjoy!

alternative to cranberry sauce

Nobody in my nuclear family liked cranberry sauce. My mother used to put out a dish of it every Thanksgiving just for guests. Inexplicably, on years when it was just the four of us, she'd serve cranberry sauce anyway, because it was pretty and red and traditional. But we never ate it. Days later, after it had dehydrated in the fridge and turned into a gluey plum-colored science experiment, we'd finally throw it away. How lame is that?!

But my mother now knows a delicious and equally pretty alternative, which I shall share with the civilized world.

What you need:
1 can of Dole's sliced pineapple rings
1 package of Cherry Jello

Mix the Jello, using only one cup of water instead of two. Open the pineapple can, drain the juice but leave the sliced rings in the can. Carefully pour Jello into the can until the rings are completely covered. Cover the can, place in the fridge and let the Jello set according to directions. (You'll have Jello left over. Maybe you should buy two cans of pineapple rings.)

Before dinner, run a little warm water over the sides of the can to loosen the contents, and slide the creation on a plate. Cut into rings, serve as garnish in place of dreadful cranberry sauce.

Thanksgiving plans

Bunny readily accepted my apology for missing her assembly, then rushed ahead to breathlessly tell me all about her school day. She didn't even hint about a pony. Heh.

BB and I are happily crafting our Thanksgiving plans. For the first time in our marriage, we are having dinner at our house. All other years, we have felt compelled to visit both our families in one four-day weekend - that amounts to a fair amount of driving, as they all live well outside the Sacto. region. But this year all the stars were in the proper alignment for a change in tradition. There won't be many guests - at this point, anywhere from 1 to 3, depending on whether my brother can secure visitation with his son.

What is your one favorite thing to do on Thanksgiving? Eat dinner, eat snacks, watch football, watch the Macy*s parade, visit with family? What's your favorite food item on the table?

The Littlest Ringwraith

Warning: don't drink anything while reading "The Littlest Ringwraith". [Via Squoogy]