beancounters

Don't mess with Catholic girls

Huh-larious! I about fell over when I saw this. Let the Spice Girls run free!

Save CA's reputation!

It's down to five finalists for the design of California's commemorative quarter, to be produced January 2005. Now, I know that's a long way off, but it's never too soon to petition against this design:

Think about it. By January 2005, the world will have forgotten how flaky California was to have a recall election and vote in an action hero. Do we want to see our reputation shattered again when they get a load of this?!?

Decorations up!

I came home from school last night and found that BB and The Bunny had braved The Pile. They found our box of decorations and put them up. Ghosts wave in the breeze on the porch. The plug-in jack o'lantern is in its accustomed place in the window. The skull that sings "Monster Mash" is (sadly) ready to rock whenever someone walks too close.

Mmm, someone just walked by with a basket of Twix. Chocolate for breakfast!

Let the festivities begin!

Quandry

For a moment, I thought my boss was calling me in her office to mention my over-use of the Internet. Guilt, guilt! :-) But no. She called me in over a matter I knew we would have to discuss this week.

My former boss will return to her job on Monday. And in preparation for it, she has asked for me back. FB was quite complimentary of me to Current Boss, saying I know what I'm doing and am very skilled. (Aww.) But CB is reluctant to make a personnel change, I assume for the same reasons. So she talked to me to find out my preference before she makes a decision.

And here's the peculiar thing: I've been thinking about this a long time, most notably the last few days, but I've been very reluctant to admit a preference, even to myself.

OK, let's make a list, shall we?

Pros to moving back to FB's department:
* She is most knowledgable about the industry
* She is not a micromanager
* She needs me (No that one belongs on FB's "pro" list, not mine.)
* Job is more "front-line", challenging and interesting
* No more blog entries about sequestering myself in my cube all day

Pros to staying with CB:
* Job is quiet, simple and goal-oriented
* Co-workers make decent coffee
* No drama or controversy here; whereas life in FB's dept. would be fraught with controversy

That last line is The Biggie, and packs a lot of weight on what is an otherwise light "pro" list with CB. Last year everybody in my dept. caught the cross-fire between FB and the powers that be. I'm shell-shocked even after all this time. Is it worth it to go back?

Decorations: MIA

During the kitchen remodel, a room's worth of dishes, furniture, pots, utensils, appliances etc. were crammed into every available space in the house and garage. Though the job is done now, many intimidating piles remain - well, piled. One problem with this is, we can't find the box of Halloween decorations. Actually, I'm pretty sure where it is ... it's probably in the garage beneath The Pile of sleeping bags and the cartons of beach toys and the Crock Pot and the wok and ...

You should have heard The Bunny gripe last night. "Halloween is FRIDAY, and we don't have decorations up yet!" She's done her part, she feels -- there are jack o'lantern and bat drawings on every door of the house.

BB suggested that if she really wants "scary", she should start going through The Pile. She suddenly developed a renewed interest in her homework.

Bunny is going as a witch this year. I was terribly pleased at her choice. Classic rather than commercial. Halloween costumes are almost always tied into a TV or cartoon character nowadays. Half the costumes in the store were "ninja turtle". And the other half were "diva". Really! Pink flared pants, a cropped top, long wig, some jewellry, and a fake headgear-microphone. Now I ask you. What's so scary about a diva? (Apart from the obvious, post-modern fright.)

How about combining the two: a diva ninja turtle? Mwheh heh. I'll run that one by Bunny.

Courtney Quiz

This I found on Erica's blog. (I swear, I'm on break right now.)

the new courtney


which courtney love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Report back here, please ...

Courtney Love, Soccer Mom

Yep, I can see it now. "Hey Mom, could you drive us to soccer practice?"

"Sure, babe. We can swing by Rush's house on the way and pick up something from his housekeeper."

Quote

The quote that actually did get put on the agenda:

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote of the week

My department has weekly staff meetings. As if this weren't torture enough, some newbie just came up with the idea of adding an inspirational quote to the weekly agenda.

Close to my desk, said newbie actually put up a little purple box, into which suggested quotes are to be deposited.

There it is. I can see it if I turn around.

Oh, the exquisite temptation to submit an ironic quote that reflects my personal feelings about this office, this administration, the poor unsuspecting taxpayers, and my lackluster career as a state-sponsored cubicle-filler .........

If I thought my contribution would just be read, mentally dismissed, and thrown away with a sardonic smile by the co-worker typing the notes, I'd stuff that box, I tell you. Cheap thrills.

But knowing this crowd, somebody would miss my feeble attempt at irony, feel obligated to use the contribution, and type it onto the agenda for my supervisor to see. It's vital to mention here that there is no discernable sense of humor in the woman. I can picture her look of confused displeasure, her raised eyebrows when the contributor is revealed, the polite pretending to "get it", the seemingly random remark later on about needing a positive attitude in the workplace ...

No, irony that's not understood by the readership starts to look like a sad attempt at urbanity at best, or at worst, a geek's cry for help. And I don't need to cry for help on a lousy department agenda. That's why I started a blog!

Willy Wonka and the Viagra Factory

We're watching "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" again. Do you realize that Charlie's mother was single-handedly working and taking care of four elderly relatives who all shared the same bed? Four people who couldn't leave their home and couldn't make a living. (Not that I actually believed that story for a minute. They looked suspiciously spry for people who allegedly couldn't even get up to pee.)

I was a little bit mad that they didn't help out around the house more. They could at least have started a cottage industry, knitting fashionably-oversized red scarves like the one they made Charlie. L.L. Bean alone would have commissioned hundreds of them.

What if there'd been Internet in those days? The four grandparents could have set up a direct-sales Viagra empire or something. Think about it!

Desk time

I realized that I spent waaaay too much time in my cubicle on Monday. We're talking, from the time I walked in, I did not leave my desk AT ALL except to use the plumbing. Not even at lunchtime! I just pulled out my bag lunch and worked on Algebra for an hour.

Then I left the office, walked five blocks to my car, and sat in ANOTHER cubicle of sorts on the commute home. Except this time I had music on.

Talk about isolation! It was probably good for my productivity, but bad for my psyche. I was cranky and a little paranoid all evening.

Note to self: get out and walk today!

Take This Quiz!

Are you a planner or a plunger?

It's a silly little test in and of itself. I just loved getting to the end, to the cheerful announcement that I am a "plunger". What the hell is a plunger? And why is it so obvious I am one after only six questions? We've obviously stumbled on yet another management consultant's online brilliance, full of catchy new terms meant to stereotype people for ease of supervision. As if you could lock every individual in your office into two, four, or even sixteen categories.

All these management technique books are trying to do the same thing. And that is, answer Mankind's oldest question, how the hell do I make people do what I tell them to do?

BA in Adequacy

If you'll refer back to my previous post, you'll be happy to read the following. I'm so proud!!

The faculty of the International University of Nescience has conducted an intensive review of your qualifications as detailed in your application and has determined that you just about meet the University's minimum standards for issuance of a Bachelor degree in Adequacy.

Attached is your degree certificate. Congratulations upon your graduation.

The certificates look best printed at your printer's highest quality setting on off-white heavyweight or parchment quality paper.

George Q Tunques
Registrar
International University of Nescience
http://www.Nescience.org

Monday

So, it's Monday. How can I get into trouble today?

The International University of Nescience

The International University of Nescience

At last, a church and a college for agnostics. I'm so gratified to find a university that will award me a degree based on my years of adequacy, both in my career and in my court-ordered hours --er, lifetime of community service.

Managing Your Micromanager

As a public service, Beancounter Daydreams presents this series on Managing Your Micromanager.

Today's installment:
Ways to Survive and Improve Your Micromanager's Meetings.

1) Be seen taking copious notes. It’s not as hard as it sounds. Just write whatever strikes your mood. Penmanship doesn’t matter. It’s not like you’ll read it later.
Update: Beancounter Daydreams has reversed its position on note-taking. With micromanagers, it's imperative that you keep your own records of all meetings. Don't rely on meeting minutes distributed after the fact - the micromanager does not scruple to alter the minutes if something was done or said that might embarrass her to her superiors.

2) If you’re assigned tasks, do write these down and *asterisk them for easy retrieval from the illegible mess of your note-taking. Do at least one task promptly after the meeting and e-mail the MM about it, no matter how trivial. (“FYI, per our meeting, the round coffee filters have been replaced by cone filters.")

3) Look serious. But don’t frown all the time – it’s a dead giveaway that you’re not paying attention.

4) MMs love long meetings with many things to report. If the meeting drags too long, just pick an item, raise your hand, and then paraphrase the MM incorrectly. Try to sound earnest. Touch your pen to the lines of text on your pad as you speak. This will cause her to think she misspoke, as evidenced by your meticulous note-taking. She will carefully repeat the item several times. It may seem like this exercise only serves to prolong the agony, but have patience. Your effort will pay off. With time, the MM begin to state things more succinctly, so she can keep better track of her own accuracy.

5) Smile and nod whenever the MM keeps an item brief – a classic Pavlovian reinforcer. A true MM doesn’t get many smiles at meetings, and will unconsciously try to win more.

Next week: Late for work

If only blogging weren't so time-consuming ...

... I'd take up this as a hobby.

Courtney Love, Mother of the Year

I'm depressed now. I just got an answer to my earlier question about Courtney and little Frances.

Love is battling for custody of Frances Bean in the wake of her Oct. 2 arrest on drug charges. Eight days later, the child was reportedly picked up at school and placed in the care of her grandmother. The paper reports that Frances Bean will move in with a nanny and that Love has been granted regular visits.

Ugh. What a mess. Child custody battles are bad enough when both parties are mature and sober. Throw in a drug-abusing idiot of a mother just for jollies!

Google going public

So Google is testing the waters of opinion with regards to going public next year. If I had any disposable income left after the kitchen remodel and Bunny's Halloween costume, I'd invest for sure. Google is my home page. I do research for work on Google. Google is my link to news, weather, entertainment ... to the lifeblood of humanity itself ...

Google Rocks!
I wanna have Google's baby!

OK, ratcheting back.

Accuradio

If you are able to listen to Internet radio at your desk, I recommend Accuradio. Boffo music! Cool categories!