Revenge, or whatever

We're getting a jump on the pre-production film by presenting  ...

Sweeney Todd: The Movie

as directed by Kevin Smith

Mrs. Lovett: [Played by ?? I'm thinking Lara Flynn Boyle but I'll take suggestions.] So it IS you! Sweeney F*king Todd! My old tenant! Back from the dead!

Sweeney Todd: [Played by Brian Halloran] OK, yeah, you guessed it. It's me. [Sighs.] Whataya want now, a f*cking medal?

Mrs. Lovett: What the hell are you doing back on Fleet Street?

Sweeney Todd: Oh, I dunno. I thought I’d, y’know, see about opening up the ol' barber shop again. Try and get some new customers, take up where I left off. Look up my old friends, Jay and Silent Bob. Just try and forget the whole shitty experience of being accused of a crime I didn’t commit, convicted by a corrupt judge, manumitted to a penal colony in Australia for years, losing my wife and daughter and all that happy horseshit.

Mrs. Lovett: Well, Mr. Todd, speaking of your family, I know for a fact your daughter is alive but about to be raped by the very judge who sentenced you. And your wife? She became a crazy homeless skank.

Sweeney Todd: [Stares off into the distance] On the other hand ... there's always Revenge. Yeah. Revenge might work, too. Whatever.

Mrs. Lovett: Great. Lemme find that room key …