Anthony and I were speculating: what if the Unitarian-Universalists and the Unification Church (the Moonies) merged? It might wind up looking something like this:
JOIN US (as you are willing and able)
FOR THE FIFTH INTERNATIONAL
UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALIST-UNIFICATION CELEBRATION OF
THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE TRUE PARENTS
REV. SUN JUNG MOON AND HIS WIFE ARE OUR BELOVED TRUE PARENTS (defined here in the traditional sense of one man as “father”, one woman as “mother”, joined in matrimony under the current laws stemming from a paternalistic tradition; you may wish to consider accepting the Moons as “parents” in a rhetorical sense if they did not literally conceive or adopt you), WHOM WE OBEY WITH ABSOLUTE FAITH AND UNSWERVING FEALTY (after a heartfelt personal quest) AS THE BRINGERS OF THE ONE WHITE TRUTH (which is not intended to malign truths of other colors).
OUR CELEBRATION WILL BRING TOGETHER UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALIST-UNIFICATIONISTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD (if they choose to attend) TO WORSHIP THE TRUE PARENTS AND PARTICIPATE IN A COMPULSORY(-ish) COLLECTIVE PRAYER (&/or interpretive dance) WHICH WILL HASTEN THE COMING OF THE DAWN OF A NEW GLOBAL ERA OF THEIR GLIMMERING BENEVOLENT RULE (following a quorum and fair election, and with the understanding that we will never impinge upon the rights and values of non-UUU members) !!!!!!
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1, 9:00 A.M.
LUNCH WILL BE SERVED, SPONSORED BY
THE SIBLINGS OF OUR GLORIOUS CAUSE & COFFEE CART COMMITTEE